Bohemian, "lefty" free range middle class parenting really just lazy neglectful parenting jazzed up?

[Naturelover5]

In my three dc's classes we have some of these bohemian, creative lefty parents.. The children are unkempt, scruffy, hair undone & dressed without fail in mismatched clothes... Some of the children have very questionable manners & are either running amock or with their heads glued to screens constantly (as seen on holiday recently, loud obnoxious parents quaffing seccy while the kids were largely ignored).. If council estate kids were dirty, scruffy & looked uncared for social services would be called.. For this particular group (& they are everywhere) the barefoot, scruffy kids are seen as badges of honour..
The lefty parent types are also very anti homework & organised activities outside school as they think kids should be kids however aibu to think they are just lazy & couldn't be arsed putting the effort in?!

You’d have an a fit seeing the children at the nursery we use. The children are dropped off largely by nannies in third hand, stained waterproofs or uniform. They come home basically black with dirt, very often multicoloured from powder paint with wild hair and very dirty fingernails. It’s rated outstanding and recently placed top 20 in the country for nurseries. The children are disheveled and wearing old mismatched clothes but they have also had a wonderful time playing out in acres of fields and woods which is surely much more important than having matching clothes.

@CuriousCatfish - “Judged as neglected” by whom?

Social services are not interested in referrals for messy hair and mismatched clothes, or children going barefoot when playing.. they already can’t keep up with the referrals when there are real risks being reported.

In the city we lived in there was a distinct champaigne socilalist parenting vibe. Earth centred parents with dc with names like tree and river. The long hair and mismatched clothes was seen as an anti consumer stance.
Quite a few, i know, we went, went to steiner school and this was also a place were the parenting was seen to be positive parenting were dc were encoraged and the word no saved for emeegencies and when it was really needed. This philosophy can go too far sometimes i think of boundaries are not established or actual parenting not done.
This look can be very much a tribal thing and in our city it signified and signaled
a certain social status.
A health visitor I know o ce did express concern about my friends parenting choices, she lived in a bit of a questionable area at the time, wereas, when I did the exact same as her, our hv was not a bit bothered and put it down to parenting style.. judgemental !

I know the type you are referring to. There are a lot of them in my town. The kids seem happy enough so it doesn’t bother me at all. Live and let live I say.

Also, having 3DCs that go out to play in our dead end street (upper class area if that makes any difference) come home filthy and barefoot after a day of fun
What is an "upper class" area? I don't think the children of the upper classes spend their days playing barefoot in the street, somehow.
Doesn't sound much like fun either.

When you were an adult!?

Children have 6 hours a day in school, that’s plenty!

Well done OP,.you've won today's prize for lazy stereotyping

I do not believe social services have ever got involved with a family because of mismatched clothes, regardless of class.

i imagined when I was planning to become a mother that I’d be super bohemian. However turns out I am really bothered about manners and getting enough sleep. I am very strict on manners and fairly strict on bedtime during term.

I do subscribe to benign neglect as a parenting style, if I don’t need to be involved I tend to let them do their thing. I don’t pretend to be creative, just firmly believe kids should have as much independence as possible and that parenting effectively doesn’t involve being a children’s entertainer.

lazy parenting can happen in any class tbh.
We went to art gallery then a museum yesterday where i was a perfect mum with perfect kids( yes i was smug )

Today we all got a greggs at the park while i tried not to scream leave me alone to them while i ate my sausage roll

we are working class

Is this a class thing? I'm from Ireland and I find this thread a bit baffling. So quiet, scrubbed children are working class and good. Active messy children in a campsite in the summer holidays are middle class and are bad? Do people divide things in lines like this? Or only on Mumsnet.

A poorer family living on a council estate will be treated differently though. The middle class mums in our area openly take part in recreational drug use. They are open about it because they know they are not judged as harshly as poorer families are.

I’m not sure what your point is. That these people are bad parents?

I am eyeing my children now… They are all on screens. They have pink hair (which, in theory, should wash out by September). They are definitely in mismatched clothing. The pre-teen is a wearing an baggy old jumper of mine that she has taken a shine to - it is what she describes as “oversized” and, you’ll be horrified to hear, it even has a hole in it.

She also has dirty jeans on (as do I, I have just noticed!) as we were out with the dogs earlier and got muddy. The DC went sea swimming last night and haven’t brushed their hair today so could be described as having “beach waves” or just being completely dishevelled. I really don’t care. It’s the school holidays. I don’t work in scruffy clothes and they don’t go to school in them (although they are often messy haired)

As it happens, I don’t push homework (I’m a ex-teacher and even I think it is a waste of time at primary age and give them time to relax or play outside of school). I am quite left wing. I’m not sure that’s connected though, and I wouldn’t describe myself as middle class. My DC are polite and well behaved when out and about, and also at school.

Each to their own. I’ve never had the desire to put my children in co-ordinating clothes (Next seems popular for this sort of look) with bows in their hair and neat plaits. In the same I’ve never wanted a feature wall, and I don’t aspire to be like Mrs Hinch. I’m sure others do though, and it’s none of my business. Certainly doesn’t mean I think they are bad parents 😂

I'm a safeguarding lead in a school and I can assure you if I called Children's Services because a child had "scruffy clothes and unkempt hair" they would laugh in my face, regardless of the child's socio-economic background.

“Upper class” isn’t a term I would use in daily life but I wanted to explain the area we stay in which is a very sought after area.

And I can assure you that whilst I do not send my children out to play barefoot it always happens, why would I lie about that 😂😂😂

Well, I’m defo a lefty and probably could be considered middle class.

DS definitely wears mismatched clothes at times and he can look like a bloody tinker.

Dont believe in homework for primary school kids.

sometimes he has his nose in a kindle or DHs phone.

he can be a cheeky boy sometimes, and will argue with you.

I did have two glasses of wine on holiday
but....

he chooses his own clothes: they are always clean on each day, but he’s very energetic so ruins them and gets filthy (and his knees are always scraped!)

he does loads of extra curricular activities: and has a massive interest in other subjects (spends a lot of time looking at maps pointing out countries and finding out more about them), the solar system, helping me with cooking. We read every night together

hes definitely not neglected or allowed to run amok

I haven’t “trained” him in obedience to authority; he’s told why we have rules, and how to question and negotiate with people in authority.

ive probably had a grand total of 6 glasses of wine (no other alcohol) in the past 3 years

My kids have mismatched clothes and unkempt hair. But I let them choose their own clothes and hate having their hair done up so after half an hour their fine wavy hair is wild. I had hoped no one was judging me…

An example from one of the families ar the school picnic... One of the bohemian mums berated a poor mum for bringing single use plastic cutlery, was very condescending & scathing about how she makes efforts to help the planet & said her dc were "eco warriors" then in the next breath she's waxing lyrically about where they're jetting off to in the summer & Halloween hols😂

I'm with you OP. I know a few of these families, kids hair literally never brushed, rarely washed, quite often smears of food round their face from a meal that was like an hour+ ago, filthy fingernails, grubby looking skin - and yes it absolutely would be a safeguarding referral for a poorer family as it would be seen as a sign the family weren't coping. Likewise the same families are often just a bit late for school every day, again dirty stained uniform, but because parents are professionals living in a nice detached house (which is dirty and cluttered inside!) It's apparently ok. Makes me cross.

I must be one of those awful parents. Lefty, don’t believe in homework, generally let my kids put their own outfits together (resulting in some questionable mixes but as long as it’s activity-appropriate then why not?). I don’t fuss when their hair or clothes get messy, although obviously wouldn’t let them get dressed into dirty clothes or let them out without brushing hair in the morning. I don’t see why it’s important for kids to be presented neat and tidy the whole time. And despite these parenting horrors my children have turned out polite and (generally) well behaved. Shocker!

And yep the kids rarely have shoes on even out in the street - what if they stepped on broken glass?!

I grew up in Hebden Bridge so am very familiar with the lefty, unkempt parenting gang.

Their view is "my child can be whatever they want to be, look how free I am". But what they actually mean is - they want a child who is vegetarian, doesn't use screens, only plays with wooden toys and grows their own cress.

The parents you described, regardless of their politics, will have their neglect repaid by teenagers even more difficult than the average. What you sow, you shall reap.

What a mean-spirited, ugly little thread, OP.

I do hope your children haven't inherited your values. It's been my experience that a tendency to vicious, ignorant gossip is a much greater handicap in life than messy hair and a love of odd socks.

Why are you equating this with their politics? Being 'lefty' is irrelevant.

This thread is just barking😂

Ive always voted Labour and my kids always had clean hair. I’m really confused. Should l vote Conservative? Is it about hair now rather than policies?