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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

359 replies

Lullabies2Paralyze · 02/08/2022 15:38

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 02/08/2022 16:51

Londonscalling22 · 02/08/2022 15:54

I don't think he was that unreasonable. I would expect someone breastfeeding to cover up as much as possible somewhere like a restaurant.

Maybe you should put a blanket over your head while you eat.

Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2022 16:52

Frankly, It doesn’t even matter if people see a flash while you are getting latched. It’s a breast. It is for feeding babies.

Most people aren’t really freaked out by seeing a woman’s breasts or even nipples, they get uncomfortable just that the woman is breastfeeding at all. That is their problem and their psychological damage. Yes, that damage has come from years of social conditioning, but it can only be repaired by exposure to normal infant feeding.

Wheresmymoneytree · 02/08/2022 16:52

Quitelikeit · 02/08/2022 15:45

It depends what was on show

your breast? Your tummy?

personally I wouldn’t like that to be in my line of sight

and I don’t care if it’s natural blah blah

however if neither of those things were in my line of sight then fine!!!

Adjust your line of sight.

amoobaa · 02/08/2022 16:53

scarletisjustred · 02/08/2022 15:44

Personally I don't want to see it. Sure it's natural but so are lots of other thing I don't particularly want to see. I realise this is an unpopular view.

But it’s got nothing to do with what you personally do or personally don’t or personally this or personally that.

Your ‘personal’ anything has nothing to do with whether someone feeds their baby.

Baby needs feeding. Baby gets fed.

What on earth am I missing!?!?!

PlantsAndSpaniels · 02/08/2022 16:53

This is why I'm struggling to go anywhere other than to family with my 8week old as I'm acared of feeding in public because people think like this.

whatsup00 · 02/08/2022 16:53

I think it's fine. There is a double standard where men can be topless and women can't. It really shouldn't be like that. I'm sorry that your partner did not support you. You're doing nothing wrong!!

TheMoth · 02/08/2022 16:54

I fed anywhere and anytime. Used a cover to start with, but gave up cos it was a faff. I had friends who wouldn't feed in public cos they were afraid of being judged or told off. But then, I had people who would cheerfully tell me:"oh I couldn't bf, it's weird. " women who bf where I live are seen as a bit new fangled.

BoredatHome321 · 02/08/2022 16:55

YouAreNotBatman · 02/08/2022 16:05

YABVU.
Cover or move to somewhere private.
No one wants to see that.

Also ”breast feeding shamed” is absolutely ridiculous thing to say!

Lol be quiet Smile

FangsForTheMemory · 02/08/2022 16:55

Give your partner a menu to hide behind?

ABugsLyfe · 02/08/2022 16:56

For the posters saying they don't want to see someone breastfeeding.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT, THEN DON'T LOOK!!

OP, I have 2 word to describe your "DH"; Infected dickhead.

WaveyHair · 02/08/2022 16:58

Said by a man. And how many of them have I seen quite happily taking a piss out in the open whilst admiring a view, against a rock, against a tree, in a lay-by etc. Seriously, talk about double standards. Confused

pigsDOfly · 02/08/2022 16:58

pigsDOfly · 02/08/2022 16:50

Why should the mother and baby move.

She's feeding her baby. If you don't want to see it you should move. You're the one who has a problem with it.

And who are these people who you claim 'don't want to see that' like it's something obscene.

Show quote history

@FrancescaContini Sorry my post was replying to YouAreNotBatman.

For some reason half of the quote disappeared.

GurlwiththeCurl · 02/08/2022 16:58

YANBU. I must say I am shocked to see how many people still object to public breast feeding these days. I fed my two anywhere, anytime over thirty years ago and no one ever said anything negative. There were only positive comments.

OP, please carry on as you please.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 02/08/2022 16:58

Once your boobs not on show as you said do not see the issue but he obviously thought others were looking at you. For me personally would have a light shawl as just easier but you do as you feel comfortable with as your baby needs to be fed and that is the most important thing and not your husband's discomfort.

RenegadeMatron · 02/08/2022 16:58

scamander · 02/08/2022 16:44

Same way opinion is divided on whether men should walk about shirtless in public places. Makes others uncomfortable.
Personally think it's natural yes, but shouldn't be on display for all to see. So many weirdos gawking about with cameras these days anyway. Covering up doesn't harm you or baby for the few mins.
To each their own, I guess.

‘Cover up’ - spoken like someone who’s clearly never breastfed.

Unless a newborn, most babies won’t tolerate any sort of cover-up, they will just pull it off, drawing more attention to the situation.

The best thing about all of this, is that the people who don’t like to see it, just have to big, fat suck it up. There is nothing they can do about it.

Well, aside from the obvious: stop ‘gawking’….

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 02/08/2022 16:59

Is another side of it also and women can not win, I was shamed for not breastfeeding by other women. Damned if we do and damned if we don't.

1VY · 02/08/2022 16:59

PlantsAndSpaniels · 02/08/2022 16:53

This is why I'm struggling to go anywhere other than to family with my 8week old as I'm acared of feeding in public because people think like this.

Please ignore the weirdos and get out and about with your baby. These losers are the same type who don’t want to see people with disabilities in public , they think they should all stay at home so they don’t “ have to see them “. ☹️☹️😡😡

Your baby has human rights and he’s allowed to eat in public, the same as everyone else. Anyone who tries to stop your baby eating ( as long as it’s in a place where children are normally allowed ) is breaking the law.

Anti discrimination laws are there for a reason - to stop the tiny minority who want to take away other peoples’ rights.

amoobaa · 02/08/2022 17:00

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 02/08/2022 16:51

Maybe you should put a blanket over your head while you eat.

Show quote history

Well said.

Annoyingkidsmusic · 02/08/2022 17:01

PlantsAndSpaniels · 02/08/2022 16:53

This is why I'm struggling to go anywhere other than to family with my 8week old as I'm acared of feeding in public because people think like this.

Aw please do not feel like this. The idiotic “I don’t want to see it” brigade are thankfully an old & dying out minority. Get out & about with baby and enjoy your maternity.

Pyewhacket · 02/08/2022 17:02

sat on the floor at Heathrow by the check in desks. It's way more discrete than you think it is.

Absolutely 😑

Quitelikeit · 02/08/2022 17:02

The OP didn’t ask if it was legal did she?

you are on here spouting about legalities and you can’t even read and answer a post

argument null and void

oh the irony!!

as you were………….

Violet91 · 02/08/2022 17:04

Please continue to breastfeed in public! Seeing others breastfeed in public is what helped me to feel confident. As a result, my baby has benefitted from over a year of breastmilk. I feel like people might be more 'offended' now she's an older baby but I'm happy to offend those people. You absolutely should continue and your partner needs to grow up.

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

pointythings · 02/08/2022 17:04

@YouAreNotBatman please refer to the detailed and precise instructions provided by @MrsTerryPratchett on the first page of this thread. You and the other 'don't want to see it' people will find this post very useful, not just in enabling you to avoid shocking your delicate sensibilities but also in wider life, as being able to move your eyes and turn your head is a bit of a lifesaving skill, especially when driving.

HTH.

Quitelikeit · 02/08/2022 17:05

Gosh people spouting off about all sorts of things not relevant to the question asked!!

how disgusting of a poster stating people on here don’t want to see people with disabilities in public!

one of the most vile, low, disgusting, ill thought, uneducated comments I have seen on here!!