Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

[Lullabies2Paralyze]

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

As long as they're on display for men's pleasure it's ok but for feeding kids it's bad??

That'a it in a nutshell, yes. Misogyny 101.

And here we have all the handmaidens reinforcing that because they think their seeming inability to avert their eyes is more important than a little baby feeding in comfort.

I was never comfortable with it myself and always used a light muslin wrap draped over my shoulder. I don’t care what other people do.

Breastfeeding is like a car crash? @Marvellousmadness. How on earth is giving milk to a baby like crashing a car?

@Whoatealltheminieggs I don't get what your examples are trying to show? The women are getting on with things whilst feeding, rather than sitting down somewhere. If only we saw more of it. That should be the norm and when it is the norm cars won't hoot their horns and women won't feel the need to post it on social media.

Do you really?
If there is a table in said restaurant with someone with a large facial birthmark, or a missing limb, do you manage not to gawp at them? If so, bravo. Utilise that same skill.

Thats your choice and all mums need to do what makes them comfortable. But nobody should be shaming a mum for BFing in public or insisting that mum covers up.

@WishingWell5 you don’t think there’s anything out of the ordinary about those examples? Babies should at least be able to have their meal in some sort of peace. I wouldn’t want to eat whilst being joggled along a main road or through a loud shopping centre

I've definitely wandered down the road to eating an ice cream or apple and other things before. I can't imagine those mums always feed like that just because you saw them once @Whoatealltheminieggs

But of advice. Don't tell people this in real life. They will think you are warped in the head.

1. Try having some self control. By just having to look you are making breastfeeding mothers feel uncomfortable.

1. You do not think breastfeeding is great, you think it is ugly and should only happen on your terms.

1. You are body shaming mothers, shame on you.

1. It is not possible for everyone to cover up. Breastfeeding isn't always about popping a neat boob into a neat mouth and holding baby with one arm and taking selfies with the other 🙄 It can be awkward, involve grappling with a heavy baby and sitting in awkward positions. It can be hard to get right, and faffing with trying to place and maintain something over your shoulder causes more stress. Just have some common decency and look away.

No wonder breastfeeding rates are so low in this country.

I think you need to stop leering at breastfeeding women @Marvellousmadness , no, most of us don't feel the "need" to look and the detail you've went into is very odd! Most people, if they notice, just look away again.
Funny how you can describe the nipple so well when it's in the baby's mouth, almost as if you're talking absolute rubbish. 😉

My previous post glitched and I didn't get to finish, hence the double post. 🤦‍♀️

I really don't wanna see a womans engorged breast/huge nipples trying to get a baby to latch on.

Why such disgust at woman's bodies performing normal functions? It's so sad to see this kind of internalised misogyny.

I breast-fed my babies everywhere, without shame (or, I've got to say, incident). I was of the view that if people didn't like it, they could look the other way, or alternatively, get fucked.

Don't watch then you weirdo. Weird how I've managed to breastfeed my 4 and been in the presence of breastfeeding mums and have managed to have conversations with then without being compelled to stare at their breasts.

I love seeing videos of baby animals going to find a nipple and feeding. So cute. I loved watching my beautiful babies feeding. So if I had seen any breasts and babies trying to latch on I would have found it cute.

However, what I do see all the time on social media is women pulling their pants up to show their camel toe and braless tops to show nipples and bouncing boobs. And that's ok because it is to encourage horny men to follow them and join their OF.

I once witnessed the wife of a very famous Hollywood actor breastfeed in public in a restaurant. That gave me the confidence to always feed in public too. Anyone who doesn’t think it’s right, is selfish and not realising this is the most natural and healthy way to feed a baby. Unless it’s impossible to BF (for many reasons I understand) then why would anyone choose formula!

I breastfed both of mine, in public shock horror! My DH felt uncomfortable about it at first but soon got over it.
All those who voted yabu then I suggest you try eating your meals with a blanket over your head and see how you like it 🙄

I'm rather sad that on Mumsnet 11% are saying YABU to breastfeeding in public. What is so wrong with feeding a baby? Are nipples disgusting?

Your partner is a dickhead. The end.

Just to add I’m currently breastfeeding my 3rd baby. Breastfed they first 2 to 14 months and I intend to do similar with this one. If my baby needs feeding I feed them.
YANBU and to reiterate my previous post…your partner is a d*head!

Get a Muslin out you bag and delicately drape it over your husbands head!
…… what a tw!t !!! (Use alternative punctuation If preferred!)

also in my experience of covering a babies head with a cloth whilst they feed, it gives you a sence of security and then before you know it (soon after 4 months!) the little darling starts using it to play peepo and before you know it your baby is covered and your nipple is on display to the world and you have a mother article (the cloth) to contend with whilst trying to stop a spray of milk and stop your baby from smothering themselves!

She,was,asking if she was unreasonable. The law says no. Totally relevant comment. Dont like it. Lookaway or put a cover on your head till it's over.

Every time I see a bf mum&baby I want to give her a small smile/thumbs up/message of support or solidarity.

I don't - of course- because it might be unwelcome or unnecessary and I'd hate to make her uncomfortable. But it's hard at first to have the courage to bf in public, at least it was for me.

Put a cover on your dp, op. He should be supportive of you rather than undermining. I'd be very pissed off with him in your shoes.

argument null and void

No, that doesn't make her argument about legalities null and void. Why the hell would it?

There's strong legal support for BFing in public. Thank fuck, given the dinosaur attitudes in evidence here.

The voting is much better now. Most people are say she is not being unreasonable.