Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

[Lullabies2Paralyze]

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

Couldn't give a shit op. Feed where you like.

@Cornishbelle what sort of wanker would put his own feelings about a 'spoilt day', before the needs of his baby?

Yanbu! I proudly fed ds anywhere and am doing the same with my new baby. I don't bother covering up, why should I?

Feed your baby when they need feeding. Ignore the put it away comments. I breastfed mine whenever they needed to and never had one negative comment. This was years ago as well. You are doing the right thing

I had this reaction a couple of times by my husband. After feeding our two little boys for around 2 years each, he is now a huge supporter of breastfeeding however public. Be gentle on him...he doesn't understand and there hopefully will come a time when a slightly bigger little one who doesn't want a cover over his head can clearly demonstrate that!

Who are the idiots voting YABU? Internalised misogynists or MRAs?

Fortunately the law is on your side so ignore them and educate your husband

.

Those you objecting to tummies on show have clearly not seen the current crop top and shorts / legging style worn by many young women.

Of course yanbu to breastfeed your four month old wherever you like.

You're a bit U to describe a bfing shawl as "weird": plenty of people prefer to use them and that's fine.

I still occasionally bf my 2 year old in public - no one has ever commented 🤷‍♀️

Why would she need to go somewhere private and exactly where would that privately place be if she was in a beer garden? It’s not like she can pop back home and surely you’re not suggesting feeding a baby in a toilet because that’s not pleasant.

Sitting around in a pub garden with picnic benches, I'd find all the bum cracks on show much more offputting than a couple of inches of tit.

Babies should be able to feed anywhere.

Any weirdo who doesn't like it is free to look elsewhere.

👍🏻 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Of course you weren't being unreasonable OP, your DP should give his head a wobble, then try to be more supportive.

You were "in a restaurant"! Perfect, everyone else was probably having a meal too.

Your DH needs to get a grip.

Feed the baby @Lullabies2Paralyze anywhere, on demand, full tit out or discretely...whatever works.

The fact that there are people who don't like seeing this, is the reason we need more of this. Desensitise everyone to it, normalise it.

Is this just about breast feeding though? From my own experience, and that of friends, the birth of a baby marks a quick transition to "baby comes first" for mums, whereas men seem to find the transition a bit slower and can be out of step in the first months (?years) with continuing to put social expectations/politeness to strangers ahead of immediate family needs. Babies and little children can feel awkward when you are out and about if you haven't shifted your focus from others' expectations to your own family.

Anyone who objects to a mother breastfeeding in a restaurant should be made to take their plate of food into the toilet and eat it there imo.
I find it so disheartening that supposedly educated people think feeding a baby with the milk nature produces for them is something to be hidden away.
Some people have a very highly sexualised view of breasts and they are the offensive ones.

“Be gentle on him”?
why are women always expected to accommodate childish men? How about him accommodating the needs of his partner and infant child?

Same way opinion is divided on whether men should walk about shirtless in public places. Makes others uncomfortable.
Personally think it's natural yes, but shouldn't be on display for all to see. So many weirdos gawking about with cameras these days anyway. Covering up doesn't harm you or baby for the few mins.
To each their own, I guess.

Well I hope you put a cover over your head whilst you are eating too ! Ffs 🙄.

I didn’t BF past 3 weeks due to the complete lack of support and I was devastated so when I see women doing it I get so jealous!
I wouldn’t bat an eyelid and neither would my DP, it’s completely natural and your DP was definitely being unreasonable.

Your baby needs one of these hats, OP.

I bf sometimes with a cover like a thin scarf or a Muslin tucked under my bra strap sometimes without depending on what I was wearing and how easy it was to hoik up or down. Tbh older children will often yank off a cover whilst letting go to give you a milky grin. Like a fun game. It’s less exposing not to use one.

Whatever works/ is easiest for you is the general rule. People only ever said nice things when I bf out and about. I’d ignore dh and any cats bum mouths. Lots of horrid sights in your average beer garden. Bf is not one of them.

Your husband is being unreasonable and I would be concerned that he is worried about your showing your breasts, which he considers to be 'his property' or that you are somehow shaming him.

For the 'don't want to see it' bunch - you are being discriminatory. Pregnancy is a protected characteristic and breastfeeding is entirely linked to this.

You are also being intolerant. There are many many things I do not enjoy seeing in this world which I have to tolerate because other people have the right to do them. Am I allowed to dictate what you do? If not, learn to cope with the fact that other people are allowed to do things you don't like.

I bet he brought more attention to you than If he hadn't said anything.

And I hate all this " cover the babies head".
Can you imagine eating your dinner with a towel draped over you.
I bet it's pretty unpleasant.

Why should the mother and baby move.

She's feeding her baby. If you don't want to see it you should move. You're the one who has a problem with it.

And who are these people who you claim 'don't want to see that' like it's something obscene.

My husband has chatted to my daughter on countless occasions when she has been breast feeding. He has never seen her breasts, she just lifted her top and got on with it! The baby covers the breasts!