Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

[Lullabies2Paralyze]

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

I’m going to have to leave this thread alone for the sake of my blood pressure.

You sit in the toilet if you don’t like it.

tits are for babies. anyone who doesn't want to see them can look away.

You keep doing you and carry on as you have been. Maybe suggest that when he starts BF he can ‘cover up ‘ any way he wants to but for now this is how it is. As PPs have said people don’t have to look. As long as you are happy and comfortable that’s what matters.

What is wrong with you @YouAreNotBatman being nasty to a new mum.

I have breastfed my babies for over 12 years! 1000s of these feeds must have been in public and I have never really had any trouble. I am not very discrete, I just get on with it. I would laugh in the PP's face if she asked me to be more discrete. I would think it was some weird joke because breasts are for feeding babies and I am not stopping or covering up for anyone! :-)

When I was in the hospital having just had a c section I accidentally pulled my whole boob out and the nurse checking my vitals opened my curtain and left it open. The man across from me looked at me disgusted when I was putting my baby back in the crib they provide. I didn't know my boob was out. I could barely stay awake. This man proceeded to point his phone at me to I think take a picture of me exposed, high on morphine at my most vulnerable. And then say to his partner who had just given birth that she needed to shut up. I was too tired to care at the time but almost 4 months later I've thought about it a lot.

I couldn't get up to close the curtain. I still had my catheter in and my legs were numb.

I learned that day that 1. Most men have sexualised breasts so heavily they feel breastfeeding is shameful in any place. It shouldn't matter how much of your breast you had out feeding your baby.

1. I no longer had enough respect for men to care.

You did absolutely nothing wrong OP. Your partner needs to check himself.

Why? The baby is eating. What are you so worried about? What on earth is going through your head??

It’s rude, unintelligent and unlawful to interfere with a baby being breastfed.

When I breastfed, I had several women approach me, visibly emotional, to say how wonderful it was that I felt able to feed my baby in public and how much they wish they had been confident enough to do so.

SHAME on the people who made them feel uncomfortable and ashamed during such a vulnerable and significant time.

Those women said they either stopped breastfeeding altogether or ended up locked away at home 24/7, no social life and feeling very restricted and isolated.

If you can’t cope with a baby eating, get a take away and stay at home.

Unfortunately (for you), it’s a free world.

Nobody has to do what you want. Least of all breastfeeding mothers.

You just have to deal with it, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I mean, apart from as said before: stop looking.

I ebf my baby and used to bf my older DC. Sometimes use a muslin to obscure the view if I feel uncomfortable but generally don’t cover up as I can’t see the point.

However, I do think given people were asked their opinion on covering up, it’s perfectly reasonable for PP to give an opinion that they’d rather not see it. That’s fine to think, even fine to say when directly asked the question. It’s not fine, as OP’s DP did, to offer the opinion without being asked for it. That just makes you a bellend.

A similar example might be that I don’t like to see women and girls wearing those hideous, almost transparent cycling shorts as if they are actual clothes. It is a bizarre and profoundly unflattering look, and make me realise that even though I am only in my mid 30s what looks appealing to ‘the youth’ (ha!) has long since passed me by. But I would never go up to anyone and say it or suggest they cover up (though I believe I would be doing them a favour…), because it’s none of my business, and just as I am free to look elsewhere and think to myself how unfortunate they look, they are free to roam the streets like someone who got lost in a shopping centre whilst trying on shape wear.

Problem solved! Anyone who doesn't like it can go and eat their meal in the toilet.

@Anonymous48 It's a more polite way of saying he can "go to hell".

Glad the voting has turned largely positive in your favour.

Tell him to mind his own business. You do you!!

I loved bf my babies. I miss it. Such lovely snuggles and if you wear the right top, no one pays attention.

Although I was once in a museum cafe with my grandparents-in-law. A young child (I’d guess 4 years old) ran up to his mum. She undid the top of her dungarees, lifted her T-shirt and he started sucking her boob whilst he was standing next table. She was carrying on her chat with her friend sat across the table. Total bonkers and beyond inappropriate 😂

That's stupid. I was at a v nice restaurant when DD was a few months old and another woman was breastfeeding with a loose top lifted up and I was doing the same with a muslin overtop. It wasn't an issue at all. The elderly couple next to us congratulated us on the new baby but that was it!

Your DH is being an absolute cock. I'm horrified that so many people think that breastfeeding mothers should cover up-if you don't like it, avert your eyes and keep your thoughts to yourself. As for breastfeeding in a toilet- disgusting suggestion. Anyone who thinks someone should breastfeed a baby in a toilet should try eating their meals in the toilet and see how much they enjoy them.

The worst thing about certain posters is how little they support other women. Just horrible, misogynistic thinking. Why is it inappropriate? Why is it such an assault on your eyes? Because you think breasts are for sex and are therefore somehow dirty and shameful? Breasts are for feeding babies. That is why we have them.

You have asked women on several occasions to be more discreet??? Shame on you. Shame on you. I would say worse but I fear I would get banned for what I want to say to you

OMG....

How depressing that 12% have voted yabu. 😔

Couldn’t agree more.

a bulldog licking piss of a nettle 😂

@PlantsAndSpaniels first congratulations on your baby.

It might be worth seeking out your local BFing support group aka Boob Group, gives to somewhere to practice in public but it's all mums and they'll be very good at tips on being discreet.

But don't be put off feeding in public especially as your baby has got the hang of it and knows what they are doing will be easy to pop them on discreetly.

Nobody ever said a word to me BFing either of my babies.

There are some posters on here who would benefit from therapy to help them get over their issues with human bodies. There are others who are just judgemental arseholes.

Oh I wish you had asked me to be more discreet when I was breastfeeding 20 years ago, you judgmental bitch!

Thankfully, I never had any negative comments myself.

If you don’t want to women breastfeeding in public, don’t go out in public.

If you don’t want to see it, you can stop gawking at them.

It’s really simple.

I’m actually cringing at the thought of you sticky-beaking your disapproving nose into someone else’s business. How embarrassing for you.

Of course, they can completely ignore you, and I hope they do.

Some of this thread makes absolutely depressing reading. It feels like a huge step backwards.
Please feed your baby wherever and whenever you need and if anyone is offended keep a blanket handy so they can throw it over their own heads, piss off elsewhere and leave you and your beautiful baby in peace.