Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

[Lullabies2Paralyze]

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

Yes, hear, hear! And if you insist on leaving the house, I suggest doing it with a cover over your head, to make your strange, misogynistic selves a little more discreet.

you get some women who are exhibitionists that use breastfeeding as an excuse to get their boobs out in public.

This sort of drivel always makes me laugh.

😂😂😂

Back in the real world folk are just feeding their babies.

you get some women who are exhibitionists that use breastfeeding as an excuse to get their boobs out in public...

Do you? Do you really?

You've researched this, I take it. And no doubt you can come up with the percentage of breastfeeding mothers who fall into the exhibitionist category.

If I were an exhibitionist and wanted to get my boobs out in public I'd find so many way in which to do this: lying on a beach with no top on, take up stripping, flash strangers, streak at football matches, so, so many ways. Breastfeeding, not so much.

I was thinking the same, if I was so desperate to whack them out in public, I'd probably find a line of work where I'd at least get paid for it!

I’ve known so many women who have breastfed multiple children over the years and never ever have I had the sense that any of us were “exhibitionists”. It is fucking ludicrous that anyone sees it in this way.

Can I ask why? Genuinely would like to know your views

If people are so offended by seeing a baby feeding from a breast, they should use that amazing thing on their body called a neck, and look the other way.

I love seeing babies feed. I don’t stand like a stalker watching them, but it has never bothered me.

I never covered up when feeding. If someone takes offence it's their problem not mine.

No, you don’t. You don’t get this at all.

Breastfeeding women don’t do this.

But thanks for giving us all a laugh.

Hahaha. Yep. I felt well sexy in my elasticated breastfeeding bra and breast pads, under my Mothercare stripy t shirt with the flap and boob holes. I'm sure the patrons of the local farm shop café loved having a butchers.

I felt damp when I was bf. Not sexy, not proud to show my lovely veiny boobs off; damp.

But don’t you see @DashboardConfessional , that’s the point. These pervs / bigots are not complaining that you are flaunting your gorgeous perky boobs and your sexy lace black underwear. That would be right up their street.

They are offended that if they look hard enough, they might see a stretch marked tummy or a grubby bra strap and stretched out Dorothy Perkins vest top from the charity shop. You are not measuring up to their own porn addled views of what a women should be - a decorative object always gagging for it with any man.

And most of all, you are not giving a flying fuck about men, which is what pisses them off the most.

*No, you don’t. You don’t get this at all.

Breastfeeding women don’t do this.*

Some do albeit they're a very very small minority. I've seen a few different mums sat in the middle of Costa with boobs out paying more attention to taking selfies of their brave breastfeeding than the (12m+) child attached to them. They look like they're spoiling for a fight about it. Probably makes for a better insta story if they've been shamed for extended breastfeeding in public.

@chilliesandspices it makes for a better Mumsnet post too with an air of judgment about a further aspect of condemnation in addition to the topic from the original post- extended breastfeeding you say? 12 months plus?! Instagram?! Oh my.

But what I cannot understand is why someone as superior as yourself would frequent a coffee chain like Costa on a regular basis.

In all honesty thought, your example is no different to a person taking selfies of themselves drinking a coffee or trying out a new outfit. Why does it matter if they want to pose and share it on their social media? It doesn't negate the fact that it is still a completely normal facet of human life that shouldn't be the subject of conversation let alone condemnation.

If you see it as a vulgar or sexual act, the issue is with you.

I think breastfeeding is great
But I am with dh on this one.
In a restaurant where i am trying to eat, I really don't wanna see a womans engorged breast/huge nipples trying to get a baby to latch on.

Id feel that covering up would be a decent move.

And yes yes i know you can look away. But its like a carcrash; you just have to look.

Someone I went to school with posted pics of herself naked from the waist down breastfeeding her 4 year old and her toddler, one on each breast. One woman I saw was walking through the Trafford centre with her entire top rolled up, one breast in her bra and the other out with her infant feeding. Another woman was doing the same thing walking along the pavement next to a busy main road facing the traffic. The fact that cars were beeping horns and the poor baby nearly jumped out of its skin didn’t seem to phase her. I question the fact that their infants were hungry where the sole reason that they were choosing to feed in those manners. I’m not saying it’s sexual at all but I also don’t think it’s just about feeding for a very small minority.

He’s been a twat. I wouldn’t of cared I love to see mums breastfeeding I think it’s lovely and brings back memories. Keep going and ignore him x

My sister in law knitted me one at my request in almost my exact skin tone.

Still no one looked...

YANBU I remember the first time I BF in public, my jacket fell off my chair and an older gent picked it up for me and said how it was really good to see a BF mother and how he was so proud of his daughters when they had BF their little ones.
Was a great first experience and gave me a lot of confidence to continue BF in public.
Maybe some of you nosy parkers should think about the impact you could have and use your time/words for good... if not, or you're too selfish, then just ignore and leave people be to get on with what they're doing and focus on yourselves!!

I've bf 4 babies all over the place. People have chatted to me on shopping centre benches without even realising I was breastfeeding. I can't say I've ever noticed or seen anyone's boob whilst they were breastfeeding when our and about and if I did I wouldn't give a toss.

It's ironic that you can't go anywhere without seeing a lot of women's bodies on display. As long as they're on display for men's pleasure it's ok but for feeding kids it's bad??

And any woman who is offended by seeing some boob is a complete dick.

And yes yes i know you can look away. But its like a carcrash; you just have to look.

No you don't. You're not a child. In fact children tend to be much more polite than this. Exercise some bloody restraint if it bothers you that much instead of thinking a little baby feeding is any of your business whatsoever.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me

Wow, this is as dickish and entitled behaviour as I've ever seen on here. Congratulations for publicly shaming struggling new mums, you must be very proud of yourself.

I’m just home from out shopping - you know, chemist, supermarket, birthday present for child’s party, use a gift voucher, and I dared to stop for a coffee and cake in a crowded cafe and feed my 5mo. Without a cover. Although I’d happily have carried a neon lit sign saying ‘breastfeeding a baby is nothing at all like a car crash.’

And having a baby is an enormous effort just to get your boobs out. Nine months of puking, aches, appointments, exhaustion, then labour and birth injuries, postpartum sweats and the post-birth poo, all that work establishing breastfeeding… just to flash your boobs. Easier to just lift your top up and have done with it, I’d have thought.