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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

359 replies

Lullabies2Paralyze · 02/08/2022 15:38

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

OP posts:
amoobaa · 02/08/2022 19:26

Dogscanteatonions · 02/08/2022 17:28

You have asked women on several occasions to be more discreet??? Shame on you. Shame on you. I would say worse but I fear I would get banned for what I want to say to you

Show quote history

You and me both @Dogscanteatonions I won’t say what we’re all thinking either. But I do very much hope one of these entitled judgmental people approach me in real life if I breastfeed again in the future. Then I’ll tell them exactly what I think.

ChillysWaterBottle · 02/08/2022 19:28

YANBU. I breastfed anywhere my baby needed me to including cafes and restaurants. I would've had very strong words for anyone who said anything. Anyone who doesn't want to see doesn't have to look. Your partner should be supporting you. He needs to grow up and step up.

Radicalfaces · 02/08/2022 19:28

I’m sorry your DH is such a idiot @Lullabies2Paralyze I have a newborn and today was our first day out for lunch. When I was feeding DH said well done and offered to take a picture of me as he said I looked lovely and sure you can’t see anything anyway when baby is feeding. My DH is incredibly supportive of me.

some of the responses here are outrageous - people need to get a grip. I think the worst is that twit who goes around telling women to be more discreet like she was ‘back in her day’ 😂😂😂😂

Lemonandlime123 · 02/08/2022 19:29

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

Do you say the same to topless men on the street?

BraveFaceScaredInside · 02/08/2022 19:31

Women should be able to breastfeed wherever/however they feel comfortable. I actually think it's quite a magical thing to see, the bond is amazing.

Zone2NorthLondon · 02/08/2022 19:32

Quitelikeit · 02/08/2022 15:45

It depends what was on show

your breast? Your tummy?

personally I wouldn’t like that to be in my line of sight

and I don’t care if it’s natural blah blah

however if neither of those things were in my line of sight then fine!!!

You’re not a protected category so if you don’t like seeing bf mums,that’s tough(titty). Breastfeeding in public places is protected under the Equality Act 2010

heattreat · 02/08/2022 19:32

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

Fucking weird!

I hope you've been told many times to fuck and leave mothers to feed!

Who appointed you as breast feeding police!

ladydimitrescu · 02/08/2022 19:32

Some of the replies on this thread are fucking moronic.

  • A baby breastfeeding is no different than a baby taking a bottle, it is literally what breasts are for.
  • If you only see breasts sexually, that's your issue and no one else's. It's also been drummed into you by society who for the most part are still dripping in misogyny. Same reason men can wonder about topless, but if women do, all hell breaks loose.
  • If you have an aversion to breasts, don't fucking gawk at them, it's not hard.
  • Indecent exposure is by definition when someone exposes their genitals, intended to cause alarm or distress by showing genitalia. Breasts are not genitals. That comparison is one of the stupidest things I've ever read, ever. You need to be completely thick to come up with anything close to that level of moronic.
  • No one has any right to approach a woman and tell her how to feed her child, or what to do with her body. Shocking it needs saying tbh, but mind your own business, for the love of Christ.

I think that's everything.

amoobaa · 02/08/2022 19:35

isadoradancing123 · 02/08/2022 18:05

I hate seeing it

Seek professional help

3peassuit · 02/08/2022 19:37

I can’t believe there are still people around who think a toilet is a suitable place to feed a baby. Grim.

amoobaa · 02/08/2022 19:38

Greensleeves · 02/08/2022 18:12

The language used by women who oppose public breastfeeding - "on show", "on display" etc - is very telling. It speaks to a wider attitude of self-consciousness that comes from deeply internalised misogyny. They can't see themselves - or other women - through any lens other than the male gaze. Everything a woman does in public amounts to a performance that can be critiqued on moral and aesthetic grounds. It's disturbing, and sad.

This.

Heattreat · 02/08/2022 19:43

isadoradancing123 · 02/08/2022 18:05

I hate seeing it

Why?

Seeing what?

The nipple, the boob, the baby?

Have you considered getting help?

Thehop · 02/08/2022 19:43

You are legally entitled to breastfeed WHEREVER YOU WANT

hes a tosser

well done you for keeping up feeding, enjoy every minute

MarmaRell78 · 02/08/2022 19:46

Jesus Christ. Some people. Why are these weirdos looking at the bf mother? If you're so bothered move along and don't ever tell anyone how they should be feeding their baby!! Are you fucking kidding me?

Sarbears28 · 02/08/2022 19:47

Reading this thread while currently breastfeeding my 4month old son, my 3rd breastfeed child. I never cover him up, I also never dis with the others as it gets hot inside those shoal things and who likes to eat in the dark? Your feeding your son not just sitting there with your boobs hanging out. I'd tell him to 'shhhh'.

Rachie1973 · 02/08/2022 19:47

YouAreNotBatman · 02/08/2022 16:05

YABVU.
Cover or move to somewhere private.
No one wants to see that.

Also ”breast feeding shamed” is absolutely ridiculous thing to say!

Actually, it’s quite pleasant to see a baby happily feeding.

Scottishskifun · 02/08/2022 19:49

GiltEdges · 02/08/2022 18:23

To be fair, indecent exposure is an actual crime based on forcing someone to see something they don’t want to see. You could argue that the victim of said crime could also choose to look elsewhere, but that’s not really the point, it’s still indecent.

Show quote history

It's not indecent exposure though and breastfeeding in public is protected in law!
The two are not comparable at all one is for kicks/fetishism the other is keeping a baby alive and feeding them! Starting the sentence with tbf doesn't make the comparison right whatsoever!

amoobaa · 02/08/2022 19:50

GiltEdges · 02/08/2022 18:23

To be fair, indecent exposure is an actual crime based on forcing someone to see something they don’t want to see. You could argue that the victim of said crime could also choose to look elsewhere, but that’s not really the point, it’s still indecent.

Show quote history

This is such a bizarre comment. You’re comparing breastfeeding to indecent exposure, presumably in some kind of attempt to shock us all with your intellect.

It’s not clever, it’s disturbing.

Skye99 · 02/08/2022 19:54

Ladywiddio · 02/08/2022 17:04

I breastfed 3 children,I did it in all sorts of places and never once did I do it without making sure it wasn’t obvious.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet! I have no problem telling them I don’t want to see it.It’s a new thing making it a performance activity,carry on but don’t do it in front of me.

I have on several occasions asked Mothers to be more discreet!

I think that is officious and inappropriate. And it could discourage breastfeeding, either by those mothers or by people watching. Which would make babies worse off. So it’s irresponsible too.

Just don’t look.

DashboardConfessional · 02/08/2022 19:54

Breastfeeding has been compared to attention-seeking exhibitionism, urinating in a toilet stall and a man in the park flashing his penis for sexual gratification all on one thread. Well done. Good to see the patriarchy alive and well.

kateandme · 02/08/2022 20:00

Terriblethirtytwos · 02/08/2022 16:05

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 incredible, I love this

Show quote history

This has made my life complete.😄

Foldingchair · 02/08/2022 20:10

All these people disgusted at the idea of possibly sighting a breast.

I hope none of them ever go to the beach abroad.

People probably think I'm looking and judging when I spot a bf mum. I'm not. I'm just remembering.

Grimed · 02/08/2022 20:15

scarletisjustred · 02/08/2022 15:44

Personally I don't want to see it. Sure it's natural but so are lots of other thing I don't particularly want to see. I realise this is an unpopular view.

Don't look then.

housepilot · 02/08/2022 20:19

I breastfeed everywhere. And have so many people (especially old me!) chat to me as they've no idea I'm feeding. Older women tend to smile and say something sweet like they miss those days. Yanbu Smile

tempester28 · 02/08/2022 20:19

I lived in a fairly conservative Muslim country years ago and was at a gathering that was basically all extended family. However, the women who usually would not cover up at home did and it was fairly formal. Anyway, one women all of a sudden got her boobs out and breastfed her baby very openly and it made me chuckle because none of the men batted an eyelid. I felt there was a bit of irony because in the UK nobody would care if a women went out with boobs hanging out but we can't deal with breastfeeding.