Breastfeeding Shamed by my DP

[Lullabies2Paralyze]

On holiday with our 4 month old breastfed son.
was in a pub garden having lunch and while waiting for our food I started to feed baby.

my partner said “cover him up” and I asked why (as I never do, don’t use a weird shawl thing but I wear baggy tops and just lift them up).

his reasoning was we were in a “restaurant” and there were other people. I ignored him and carried on feeding the way I do (pointing out he’s a baby not a 10 year old child so it shouldn’t be weird for people!)

I don’t have my tits out on display while doing it and personally I think covering my baby draws more attention to what I was doing.

who was being unreasonable?

YABU - you shouldn’t breastfeed in public places without using a breastfeeding cover

YANBU - it’s perfectly natural, your DP can go do one and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it

Seriously? In 2022? Tell him to sort himself out and stop being a knob.

*What happens if you are stopped from feeding a child in public space?

In Scotland breastfeeding and bottle feeding are both protected by the Breastfeeding etc. (Scotland) Act 2005.

If a person deliberately prevents or stops someone from feeding a child under the age of two in a public place in Scotland they are committing a criminal offence. If a mother is asked to move to another part of the premises, or leave the premises completely this is also an offence. This applies to places that the mother and child has the legal right to be in.*

www.gov.scot/publications/information-new-mothers-pregnant-women-families-information-feeding-child-public/

My desire not to see things does not trump someone elses need to do things

that’s how I feel. I don’t want to see another woman’s nips when I’m eating my dinner, so I would hope they would be discreet (if possible - sometimes it isn’t, for example a baby shouldn’t have a cloth over their head if it’s hot etc). But I accept that’s sort of my issue, the baby needs to eat and mums shouldn’t need to lock themselves away.

DP is a twat. As is anyone else who thinks like that. Feed when and where you choose, ladies.

I had a 'friend' once who didn't like me breastfeeding in public. When she had her first child she would often make comments sexualising the behaviour of her toddler, so it was clear she was the one with issues.

Why would OP take ‘a few minutes’ to do something she doesn’t want to do or have to do?

You say ‘to each their own’ but the things you’re saying in your post are the kind of things that make breastfeeding mothers feel uncomfortable and judged.

Essentially you’re saying, to each their own… unless it’s not what I prefer, in which case carry on doing it whilst I judge you and point out all the reasons you should do it differently.

Sorry for being pedantic but it's discreet, not discrete, in this context.

That's what I do is ignore them. I'm not a confrontational person. Others who are there don't though.

Do you cover up or move to somewhere private when you eat? Cos no one wants to watch you eat (who actually watches other people eat anyway?)
If you dont have the facility to "not look" I suggest you dont eat out in future. Or eat with a tea towel over your head.

That takes relaxed breast feeding to another level.

I could not have done that - my non feeding side would just pour milk while the other one was in use.

AHH the spelling police. There's at least one on every thread.🙄🙄🙄

She was just attention seeking then. Absolutely no reason for having both of it out.

It's not a "few minutes". I once went for a Christmas meal with my NCT group and fed through 2 courses. It must have been 40 minutes.

Id give you a standing ovation (not really promise), being that competent, its not easy. Neither my boobs or my baby cooperated. Ignore the haters.

This opinion is totally fine. If you don't want to see it, just look away. In fact, it would be very odd to catch more than a passing glance of anyone breastfeeding, because it's not something that one would usually stop and stare at.

The one doing the feeding is right and it’s there choice

My OH had a similar reaction to me breastfeeding and it really knocked my confidence.
I was pretty shocked at the time.
I am even more shocked that some women think feeding a baby should be performed in a way that suits strangers in a public place, rather than for the comfort and benefit of the mum and baby.
I've never seen a mother trying to gain attention or flaunt their breasts to random strangers whilst breastfeeding. How odd.
If I notice someone is breastfeeding I don't look, because I don't want them to feel in any way uncomfortable. I try not to stare at strangers in general. And I carry on with my day without another passing thought on the matter.

I would suggest staying away from public places if you are afraid of witnessing the act of a mother feeding a baby.

I dont think there is any need for a voluminous breast feeding shawl. However, its my opininion that folk should be discreet. And nearly everybody is.

Of course your husband is wrong! I breastfed everywhere. I didn't use a shawl either because why?! I just used to lift my t-shirt up and his body covered my stomach and my t-shirt covered my boobs. People might know I was breastfeeding but they wouldn't have been able to see anything.
I remember seeing a lady walking around Peppa pig world whilst nursing her quite big child and thinking good on you!

If you found yourself in a restaurant with a breastfeeding mother, the day/night/whatever would be a lot nicer if you took your meal and ate it in the toilet. Then nobody would be bothered by your judgmental and entitled attitude. Win-win.

Excellent comment

@Ladywiddio
I so wish you'd asked someone to be discreet whilst feeding whilst I was near. I'd have ripped you a new arse hole.

I wish MN had a like button. Absolutely this ^
I fed my boy anywhere and everywhere and intend to do the same when my second is born in 9 weeks or so.

🙄🙄🙄