"I don't mind" is really frustrating.

[PleaseMind]

AIBU to think "I don't mind" is often a really rude response? I find it so frustrating. When I ask DH what he wants for dinner I'm really asking him to help share the mental load. When I try to arrange a date with a friend and ask what date suits them Saturday or Sunday I hate getting I don't mind back. Does anyone else find this annoying? How do you cope with it. Took the teen in my life to the shop and gave them the simple task of choosing crisps they just stood there and said "I don't mind", fine no crisps then.

DH gets annoyed when I say I don’t mind what we have for dinner but I literally don’t care and past experience has taught me that he has a “right” answer in mind so if I suggest something else it’s wrong anyway and it gets boring picking something and then being criticised for it when I genuinely don’t give a shit. Why ask if he’s already decided what he wants?

I’ll happily cook myself something if he wants something I don’t fancy.

Assuming you don’t do this then just change to asking “can you pick something for dinner?” instead of “what do you want for dinner?“

Husband’s family are like this. Fucking annoying. I just tell them ‘you decide’ and watch them panic, then magically manage to decide ❤️

Yes exactly, but only becuase I'm always having to think about this that and the other

I think when people say I don't mind they are being polite and what they actually mean is I really don't care what we have/do/get. Anything is fine. I don't give a shit.

I used to say I don't care until my husband told me people consider that rude. If it's something where I have a preference then I'll say what I'd like but there are times I truly don't give a shit.

If you genuinely don't give a flying fuck which flavour crisps are bought (for example) then why not let the other person pick in case they do have a preference?

Being the person who always says "I dont mind", I'm sorry! Its genuinely because I don't mind, or rather don't care. I am learning, however, and nowadays I'll try and just pick something random but sometimes it is difficult as it's like I cant make a decision. Have you tried coming up with a deal with him? You'll offer only 2 options and he has to pick one, even if its random? That works well with me. Try and work with it, not against it, if he's anything like me, we don't mean it :)

Well yeah exactly but I don't care what crisps the DSC have but they just stand there like a lemon in front of the crisps going I don't mind. I think in that scenario I should just go oh OK no crisps this week then.

I’m so with you @PleaseMind When someone asks you a question and gives you options, what’s wrong with choosing? My DH does this and I just want to throttle him 😆

You should do that. It'd be interesting to see the reaction.

@Grenouilledesjardins

That's not working with you.

That's removing any responsibility for decisions from you and treating you like a child.

Why should the other person always carry the mental load of decisions even down to having to give you a multiple choice?!

@PleaseMind

Yes. You need to stop giving people options.

Get what ever crisps you want.

I dont know.

OK. No crisps then , let's go

Dh, make dinner.

I dont know what to make.

OK dont have any then, I'll make myself something later

I agree OP ‘I don’t mind’ drives me up the wall - probably the only thing DP does that irritates the life out of me.

nice to have the option of not minding!

Or just grab the closest/whatever’s on offer? No thinking required.

What is even more frustrating is this:

Me: 'What shall we have for dinner?'
DH: 'I don't mind'
Me: 'How about pork chops'
DH: 'No, I don't fancy that'
Me: 'Spag bol?'
DH: No ...

etc.

I have this with DH, it's a responsibility thing with him which drives me crazy.

With another family member it's anxiety over making the "wrong" choice.

It's tiresome

The "I don't mind" people don't bother me. What does annoy me is someone saying "I don't mind" but then they do and complain about what you do! Infuriating!

I don’t think people who say I don’t mind are rude.

They usually don’t actually care so you can just pick an option. Not much thought has to go into it.

pick up the closest bag of crisp.
cook whatever’s going out of date/ready in the fridge.

what mental load is in required for cooking food you already have or picking up a bag of crisp.

I prefer people who say I don’t mind as I just pick what I want all the time and they can like it or lump it😂

I’m a don’t minder. I say it because in most situations I genuinely don’t mind. I also find decision making really hard, I have social anxiety and hate having to make a decision that can effect somebody else. I would rather have no music on than have to choose the song, I’d rather have no crisps than have to choose a flavour somebody might dislike etc. I struggle with decision making for myself too and am really bad at making plans, purchases, following things through etc because I do tend to get stuck in the decision making stage. I’m really not good at taking control.

I'm guilty of this. Although I say it to be nice, so the other person can have the choice that they want - never occurred to me someone might find it rude!

I am (I sincerely hope) probably in the minority but I grew up in a family where every question like that was loaded and if I did say what I wanted for dinner there was a horrendous scene, even if it was something as simple as cheese on toast. So I will always, always go for "I don't mind" unless it's something I have a very strong opinion on. If somebody gives me specific choices/dates I will pick one, though.

My bloody mother is like that!

You have to guess and if you don't guess right she's pissed off. 🤬

But "you choose, anything is fine" comes out of her mouth every time

As you say, totally different from genuinely not caring.

I now get it wrong just to piss her off. She can't say anything because she spent time assuring me she was fine with anything I chose. I pretend I don't notice her sulky face.

The mild entertainment gets me through it without slapping her.

Oh he needs slapping with a kipper 😁

When he says I don't mind, don't make suggestions. Just cook what you want.
"You said you didn't mind. What are you complaining for?"

Yes its responsibility I guess. I get the anxiety about making the wrong choice. But no one is going to mind if someone chooses a restaurant and its horrible. No one will blame the chooser.

I also have a different friend who when choosing the day is always annoying and say I give her 7 days will come back to me with 3 of them and say which ones do I want so then I choose two and she says no no you chose one.

Reply with 'I don't mind then, do it back to them.

Just cook what you want.

Yes, if he pooh-poohs more than a couple of options, I tell him to sort his own dinner out