"I don't mind" is really frustrating.

[PleaseMind]

AIBU to think "I don't mind" is often a really rude response? I find it so frustrating. When I ask DH what he wants for dinner I'm really asking him to help share the mental load. When I try to arrange a date with a friend and ask what date suits them Saturday or Sunday I hate getting I don't mind back. Does anyone else find this annoying? How do you cope with it. Took the teen in my life to the shop and gave them the simple task of choosing crisps they just stood there and said "I don't mind", fine no crisps then.

Word

So?

tell him precisely what you fancy without any thought to him.

if he asks - take him at his word

That would be fine with me. If he just said "ill cook for myself"

My mother is a nightmare for this but only in my house. In hers she is very decisive so I assume she thinks she’s being polite. So in my house I’ll ask her something simple like “tea or coffee?” And she will say “I don’t mind”! To which I reply “well as you know mother, I am multi-talented and can manage to make either , so which is it?”

This situation is years and years in the making op

you have been making these daft decisions for them for years

so just take them at their word.

they don’t mind what crisps, literally close your eyes and grab the first available

you dh asks what you want. You love pasta, he doesn’t enjoy. So you say “I want pasta”

so whatever you are making for yourself / you make for her

It's fine not to want to have the whole mental load, but personally I wouldn't approach it that way.

We take the approach:

• agree what days we'll cook in the week around work commitments
• each add the ingredients we want to the tesco order
• being grateful for what we're damn well given

We're not perfect at it, but if it's DH's turn to cook, that includes the mental load of choosing too. I would be perfectly happy with being given beans on toast, but I'd rather not be asked.

I think I say 'I dont mind' to a lot of decisions.

It's usually because the other person asks but then grumbles about your decision so it's easier to just allow them to make the decision in the first place.

I always thought it made me easygoing and didn't realise it induced such a strong reaction in some people.

Mind you, I do also sometimes the question is so trivial that I can't really believe they're asking.

I dislike the phrase.

In some contexts - it's definitely wanting to share the mental load of choosing whatever for the 100th time.

Like I've worked out, without asking you, what we've eaten for the past week. Today...I just want to know what you fancy from the chicken I had to remember to get out. Once, I made chicken (with a marinade) and rice for 4 days straight, from refusing to make a decision on anything else. Suddenly he did mind what he ate, and came up with suggestions.

Other times, I just want to scream ' show some preference'
Where should we go to eat? 4/5 people 'oh im not fussed, I don't mind, wherever'.
Okay, Chinese? 'Nah, don't fancy that....' 😡well tell me what you do fancy...

I know I say it - but because I feel like I always make the decision - and I don't want everyone to think they have to do what I say - so I'm trying in a crap way to keep the floor open for everyone else's opinion.
Or in the case of a chocolate bar or something, i worry the person thinks I'm ultra specific and have to search high and low for my maltesters when I wouldn't mind if they grabbed me the same as them. So I'm as much of the problem...

What sort of question out of interest are you asked that you think is so trivial you can’t believe they’re asking?

Where should we go to eat? 4/5 people 'oh im not fussed, I don't mind, wherever'.

Okay, Chinese? 'Nah, don't fancy that....' 😡well tell me what you do fancy...

why suggest with a question mark.

take. They. At. Their. Word.

You want a Chinese. They’ve said they don’t mind. So say rather than ask “ok we’re having a Chinese”

I'd just be happy they are easy going. Most people are demanding.

As long as they don't whine if you give them ready salted crisps and then say they wanted cheese and onion. I'd get very annoyed about that!

But if they genuinely don't care, where's the issue? Just give them whatever you pick out the cupboard randomly. It does not create "mental load".

It’s infuriating, I agree. What gets to me the most is when someone who is clear and focused and happy to pick an option then ends up being described as bossy or high-maintenance.

And to those questions you reply "I don't mind" and carry on with whatever you're doing.

Agree, along with 'I'll let you know' when you ask someone if they want to meet for a coffee or lunch. So I'm supposed to put myself on hold just in case you decide that you can make it? Just say yes I'd love to or no sorry I can't make that.
Now I take it as a 'no' and make other arrangements if I want, or not.

Ooh this annoys me a lot! My husband & his folks do it regularly, usually about food, sometimes about where to go. Their often used phrase when they don't want to express a preference is 'I'm easy!' It's especially infuriating because PIL are actually fairly picky eaters.
Refusing to take part in the decision making when asked is actually being very DIFFICULT! Argh!

Yanbu, making all the boring mundane decisions is exhausting.

I hate this too. Sister in law from overseas came to stay with us for a month and her answer to every single question was "i don't mind".

So effectively i organised her entire holiday and every morsel she ate and drank and everything we watched on telly for the entire trip. It was infuriating. She was 43 years old ffs and at the time i had a 3 and 4 year old so was busy enough.

Yes, it’s deeply frustrating. My mother is a chronic ‘I don’t mind’er, to the point where she thinks expressing the most minor preference is ‘rude’ — in restaurants, a waiter will be taking the table’s orders and will get to my mum, who will then look desperately at him/her and say ‘Ooh, it’s so difficult to decide!’ or ask the waiter to tell her ‘what I’d like’! It’s because she will not take responsibility for any decision, however tiny. It’s easier for her to go along with someone else doing something she doesn’t want to do — she lives with furniture chosen by my (aesthetically-blind) father, in a tiny, ugly, inconvenient house she married into and has always hated, and gave all her children names she disliked because she wouldn’t actually say ‘This is what I want.’

She drummed into her daughters that ‘I don’t mind’ is the only polite response to any request.

It's this OP. I only know one person where I'm more likely to say "I don't mind" - because they will actually grumble about my choice if I give my preference, try and convince me to change and then get their own way anyway. I know better now.

Perhaps, if you know lots of people who say this to you, you are that person they don't want to argue with?

Not saying this is you but this scenario

Person A: What would you like for lunch?
Person B: I fancy takeout pizza
Person A: Oh no, too greasy. We should make something at home anyway.
Person B: We could make salad.
Person A: Salad? Not substantial enough.
Person B: Baked potatoes and cheese?
Person A: ugh, so boring. I'll just make an omelette.
Person B: ok.... (thinks 'why didn't you say so originally?')

Next time:

Person A: What would you like for lunch?
Person B: I don't mind...(thinks 'there that saves me thinking up options only to be rejected')

I get what you're saying but that absolutely isn't me. They say what they want they will get it. I don't mind (haha) what crisps DSC eats, they can eat whatever crisps they like. And I eat everything DH likes he is the fussier eater.

I find that the people who 'don't mind' often do mind if you get them something, or do something they don't want.

'What restaurant do you want to go to?'
'Oh, I don't mind'
'Ok, I've booked the local Indian'
'I don't really fancy curry'

They are the same people who tell you their children eat everything to find out that everything only means breaded food with chips.

It drives me mad OP. Sometimes I just want to not have to make the decision

I have one of these at home. A totally decisionless DP

I'm here for the advice too. I understand your stress

This puts you on a stronger position

you tell him what YOU want with no thought to his fussiness

and seriously, what is stopping you just grabbing the closest packet of crisps?