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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
ChickenBurgers · 31/07/2022 15:24

I’m sorry she has no ambition? What a fucking weird choice of words that is, it’s hiking not her lifelong career.

He sounds like a tool. Im glad you stayed with DD and as clearly something is amiss and she’ll no doubt want some love! Your DH could take a long walk off a short bridge as far as I’m concerned.

godmum56 · 31/07/2022 15:25

I am asking this question a lot lately. Why do you stay and what does he bring to the relationship?

HesterShaw1 · 31/07/2022 15:25

He sounds like a repulsive person. Sorry OP.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:26

This has got to be one of the most frustrating threads on mumsnet.

Clearly the dh is a dick
Clearly the OP knows that
Clearly the OP is going to do squat all to improve the lives of her daughter and herself
Clearly the OP will be posting on gransnet in 20 years time about how profoundly unhappy she is and has such little relationship with her children

Goldbar · 31/07/2022 15:27

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 15:03

Oh he's furious with me. Back and livid I would call his parenting into question. If I don't want to hike with him I should have said so before we booked the holiday. I can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

and no, I don't know what he would have done if she'd called to say she'd thrown up and we were at the top of the mountain.

it's not hot and it's not humid for anyone who's asking.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

I would be tempted to call the local police for advice and ask them whether they would recommend leaving a 10 year old alone in a hotel room. Your husband must be very short on imagination if he can't foresee why that might be an issue.

Tell him to fuck off by himself and the rest of you will enjoy your holiday much more in his absence.

Partypoooooper · 31/07/2022 15:27

Hopefully your DD is contagious and he catches it, see how he feels on a 5 hour hike with an upset tummy!!! What an a hole.

QueenImprov · 31/07/2022 15:28

I think it's cruel and neglectful to leave a 10 year old who is not feeling well for several hours in an unfamiliar place. He sounds like a very nasty man.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:29

godmum56 · 31/07/2022 15:25

I am asking this question a lot lately. Why do you stay and what does he bring to the relationship?

The op point blank refuses to respond

instead preferring to update us on his continuing shitty behaviour

i am a single parent and when I read about marriages and holidays like this - 4 people, 2 of whom hate each other, 1 of whom is a bully, 1 of whom can’t bring herself to improve the situation for her children - I just shudder. I actually shudder

RandomMess · 31/07/2022 15:32

Utterly awful and unacceptable behaviour from him AngryAngryAngry

I was left home alone at 17 on Boxing Day and was so ill in agonising pain had to get the GP out who gave morphine as I was nauseous and vomiting. Bad enough at 17 in my home than in a hotel at 10.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:33

Goldbar · 31/07/2022 15:27

I would be tempted to call the local police for advice and ask them whether they would recommend leaving a 10 year old alone in a hotel room. Your husband must be very short on imagination if he can't foresee why that might be an issue.

Tell him to fuck off by himself and the rest of you will enjoy your holiday much more in his absence.

Show quote history

Oh FHS don’t waste police time on this.

The Op and all of us know it’s not safe and even if in the country they’re in this is a crime - the op isn’t going to pursue

so all this does is create more drama, distract the OP from what she should be really doing ie confronting her DH and saying that he changes or she and the children leave AND drag the police in to this shit show

godmum56 · 31/07/2022 15:33

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:29

The op point blank refuses to respond

instead preferring to update us on his continuing shitty behaviour

i am a single parent and when I read about marriages and holidays like this - 4 people, 2 of whom hate each other, 1 of whom is a bully, 1 of whom can’t bring herself to improve the situation for her children - I just shudder. I actually shudder

Show quote history

to be fair, little one might be iller.....

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:34

RandomMess · 31/07/2022 15:32

Utterly awful and unacceptable behaviour from him AngryAngryAngry

I was left home alone at 17 on Boxing Day and was so ill in agonising pain had to get the GP out who gave morphine as I was nauseous and vomiting. Bad enough at 17 in my home than in a hotel at 10.

Out of interest
what kind of relationship do you have with your parents now?

WallaceinAnderland · 31/07/2022 15:35

He's following the script. Men like this always do.

SexyLittleNosferatu · 31/07/2022 15:36

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:26

This has got to be one of the most frustrating threads on mumsnet.

Clearly the dh is a dick
Clearly the OP knows that
Clearly the OP is going to do squat all to improve the lives of her daughter and herself
Clearly the OP will be posting on gransnet in 20 years time about how profoundly unhappy she is and has such little relationship with her children

Yep, exactly right.

So so many of these lately. Two children will end up permanently damaged because of the desperation to hang onto this vile abusive man and OP will waste her only life on him. Tragic. The children get my sympathy though. They aren't choosing this.

InstaHun88 · 31/07/2022 15:37

What a horrible man. If you don't leave him, you are complicit in his behaviour, don't be surprised when your kids distance themselves from you as adults too.

Blanketpolicy · 31/07/2022 15:37

I was speechless before, now dumbfounded after you latest update.

The world really does revolve around him and you and the children are just bit players in HIS life. How DARE he make you and your children feel like this. Time to get angry OP and protect your children from this appalling behaviour and entitlement. Totally and utterly unacceptable.

christmas2022 · 31/07/2022 15:38

What did you say to him to make him so furious?

Did he come back with an attitude or only once you had the audacity to step out of line?

Blanketpolicy · 31/07/2022 15:39

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:26

This has got to be one of the most frustrating threads on mumsnet.

Clearly the dh is a dick
Clearly the OP knows that
Clearly the OP is going to do squat all to improve the lives of her daughter and herself
Clearly the OP will be posting on gransnet in 20 years time about how profoundly unhappy she is and has such little relationship with her children

Or how badly her ds is treating her lovely DIL.

Or how her dd is always attracted to the wrong type of man.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 15:40

I predict the OP’s next update will be another post updating us of how shit he is behaving.

whilst the op seemingly sits, watches and taps furiously on her mumsnet thread

Sunnysal · 31/07/2022 15:41

Someone has to say it 'LTB ' , oh and grow some balls .

ValerieDoonican · 31/07/2022 15:42

What a controlling weirdo he is.

ValerieDoonican · 31/07/2022 15:43

Im picturing him with a little thin moustache and safari shorts for some reason....

CottonSock · 31/07/2022 15:45

Are you scared of him op?

Craver · 31/07/2022 15:46

I'd be reading the riot act to him this evening!

LuaDipa · 31/07/2022 15:48

Is he always such a selfish prick?