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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
OldFan · 31/07/2022 16:38

can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

What a weird point to make. Just because a child of 10 could in theory know murdering someone isn't ok, doesn't mean they don't need parenting.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

He sounds a real arsehole @TellMeImNotWrong . Does he often have this temper? I couldn't put up with that. And in front of the kids 😡My dad was like that, it's really damaging to children.

Herejustforthisone · 31/07/2022 16:40

He’s an absolute failure as a father and a nasty cunt to boot.

SuperCamp · 31/07/2022 16:46

Is he always like this?

Because if not I would be wondering what is fuelling his fire.

Ex took out on me the rage he felt at being a father and member of our household rather than a free agent to pursue his little amour fou with passing crushes.

alfagirl73 · 31/07/2022 16:51

I am someone who generally thinks kids are too mollycoddled these days and that people are too quick to shout LTB over everything... but Christ alive... he wanted you all to bugger off up a mountain leaving your 10 y/o daughter alone in a hotel while she's sick?!

Okay - lets imagine for a second that you were insane enough to agree to such an idea... how would your treat of a DH have felt if you all returned from your "ambitious" walk to find your DD had passed out from dehydration... or choked on her own vomit... or that her symptoms were actually the beginning of something more serious and your hike meant that there was a delay in calling an ambulance. Okay - so it sounds like a case of D&V - which is horrible enough and certainly not what you want when you're out hiking - but to just sod off for the day and leave a sick child... tbh I wouldn't leave ANYONE all day on holiday like that - child/adult - doesn't matter - you behave like a decent human being and check on someone to just make sure they're okay. A person's wellbeing is more important than some bloody walk to the arse end of wherever.

No ambition?! Do me a favour... what a vile irresponsible excuse for a human being. I hope he catches whatever it is. I wonder how ambitious he'll feel then when his arse falls out! I'd have been in the car and driving home... no way would I stay on holiday with someone like that. It's meant to be a holiday - not army basic training!

Bumpsadaisie · 31/07/2022 16:52

What a miserable man.

Fenella123 · 31/07/2022 16:52

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 15:03

Oh he's furious with me. Back and livid I would call his parenting into question. If I don't want to hike with him I should have said so before we booked the holiday. I can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

and no, I don't know what he would have done if she'd called to say she'd thrown up and we were at the top of the mountain.

it's not hot and it's not humid for anyone who's asking.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

Jesus, what is his problem?! How old is he FFS, because 11 year olds can't get married and have kids in this universe!

This sort of crap is a fast track to ending up a divorced man who can do aaaaaallllll the hiking he likes (but God help him if he needs a kidney or help from the kids when he's old and frail).

Seriously, my Mum (then a recently divorced single Mum) binned someone off instantly for insufficiently caring behaviour when my little bro got sick on an outing. This was a bloke she quite fancied, well...up until that point.

Ponoka7 · 31/07/2022 16:53

I can see you having to fight your DD's corner once she starts her periods and feels under the weather etc. He's wanting to bully you into neglecting your DD. If he's that confident then ask him to ring the NSPCC for advice, or a teacher when they go back to school. I can remember my Dad acting like this. You either collude and enable the neglect or you you go against it. The threats etc are emotional abuse.

zingally · 31/07/2022 16:54

Sounds like an boring af holiday for a 10 year old!

I'd be saying I had a dicky tummy as well, if I was being required to do multi-hour hikes/climbs back to back every day of my holiday.

Are you abroad? Even if you're not, the weather is warm, she's probably dehydrated, which would explain the dizziness. And the funny tummy is just down to different food and a different routine.

Ponoka7 · 31/07/2022 16:55

Just to add, as an adult holidaying with friends I had D&V and found out later that they'd stayed in the hotel bar all night because they didn't feel comfortable leaving me alone in the hotel. It was a safe hotel with English speaking staff and I had good insurance.

billy1966 · 31/07/2022 16:56

Abusive arsehole who terrorises his family.

Your poor children.

How can you allow this ?.

Pack up and get the hell out of there without him.

whiteroseredrose · 31/07/2022 16:59

Bonus

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

No more nasty holidays.

Am I the only one who hopes he gets bad diarrhoea?

ThinWomansBrain · 31/07/2022 17:02

I might be tempted to leave DD on her own long enough to push him off a mountain😁

TwilightSkies · 31/07/2022 17:04

He sounds abusive. I’d say this incident is the tip of an iceberg.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/07/2022 17:05

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

Get this in writing.

If there is an archbishop or a justice of the peace at the hotel, get them to witness it.

What a horror he is!

RobertsRadio · 31/07/2022 17:06

What a terrible father and husband, bullying and threatening you all just because he doesn't get his own way, even though he got to do his activity with one DC, just not his DD and DW. Is he always this controlling?

I really hope you've got a running away/divorce fund stashed away Op, because I think you are going to need it. I can't get over how awful he is to the DC.

dreamingbohemian · 31/07/2022 17:11

OP you're married to an abusive twat

Your poor daughter, being threatened with being left far from home because she dared be ill

What are you doing? Do you not understand how fucked up this is?

Quia · 31/07/2022 17:16

If my DH had thrown a tantrum like that, I'd have had to tell him to grow the fuck up.

lemmein · 31/07/2022 17:18

Seriously, who the fuck does he think he is? Men like this, being in actual relationships, with real women really baffles my brain 🤯 No way is this a man who isn't casually abusive everyday, not a chance - I just don't get how anyone could love someone like that.

You absolutely did the right thing, in fact, if you'd left her you'd be in the same category as him, even if she was faking it - poor kid. Does she often have to go along with what her dad and brother want?

Last time I went on holiday I was really ill with D&V, I couldn't move my head without the room spinning, horrendous. It's horrible being ill away from your home comforts - and that's without a man bullying you to just get on with it. Fucking prick!

ISaidHeyWhatsGoingOn · 31/07/2022 17:21

Poor kids. Poor you. I bet this isn't the first time he has behaved appallingly.

BobDear · 31/07/2022 17:23

He is an absolute cunt. And I don't use that word lightly.

I'm sure you're DC WERE consulted up to a point about the holiday, but there's a difference between

"Would you like a holiday? We'll do some walking and hiking, but it's a holiday..."

and

"Would you prefer a hiking holiday so Daddy can do his hobby, or shall we go to the seaside or a hotel with a pool for a change?"

I bet they weren't given actual options.

Elsiid · 31/07/2022 17:25

What a big baby. I'd go home and book me and the DCs a week in a swanky hotel in Greece, leave him to his hiking 'ambition'

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 31/07/2022 17:25

Please make sure your daughter knows that any effect on the holiday is his fault. He's literally got to do what he wanted.

Also please check your son is okay. I wouldn't be surprised if your 'D'H didn't have tantrums on the walk and make quite a horrible enrivorment for your son

Triptinratbat · 31/07/2022 17:30

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 31/07/2022 10:04

I reckon if you can get a 10yo child in perfect health to do a 5 hour hike up a mountain you're some sort of wizard /misses point of thread/

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen
My thoughts exactly 😇😂

justasking111 · 31/07/2022 17:33

Wow my OH has his faults but wouldn't have thrown a strop over this especially when his child was ill

Geansai · 31/07/2022 17:34

I hope he gets it violently out both ends at the top of the mountain.

What an absolute bellend. Tell him to fuck right off.