WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

[TellMeImNotWrong]

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

I disagree .. to an extent, ofcourse kids love the beach and pools etc but I used to go on walking holidays with my parents every year when I was a kid, we'd stay in a cabin, do skimming on the lake, I climbed snowdon when I was 4, have a day bike riding etc, was great!

He’s a dick.

I was coming back to say the same. What an arse.

I agree. Nothing is this black and white. No one is perfect. And while his behaviour is not excusable that doesn't automatically mean their marriage should be over.

I'm personally quite happy in my marriage. My husband cooks, cleans, the sex is great, we have many things in common, he's always asking me if I'm comfortable, and he takes care of our daughter equally and he works hard to earn the rent. He's never so much as raised a finger at me or even yelled at me. He's not always perfect though. He has his moments. But I don't always have time to go down the list of all his positive personality traits when I ask questions like this.

There have been many times I've had people on the internet screaming for me to divorce him. If I gave in to the demands of total strangers then I would be pretty miserable right now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The fact is we don't see the nuance in these threads and the history and personal conversations happening between these two. We don't know what is happening in their personal lives.

OP asked if she was being unreasonable not if she should divorce her husband. I think we should leave it up to her to decide if the positive out weighs the bad and if her marriage is worth fighting for. For all we know she has plans to have a very deep discussion with her husband about his unacceptable behaviour and inform him that she's very much not happy with it.

Sounds like he’s spoiling for a fight.

And with your update he sounds like an even bigger prick

It was a long time ago. I left home as soon as I could and didn't have much to do with him after that. My mother did what he said, always.

They're both dead now.

I'm not religious, but I am literally praying that he is up all night with D&V and vile stomach cramps. He is an abuser. Parents like him can lead to very anxious children - is your daughter likely to look forward to her next holiday with him?

@DaughterofDawn

That's quite the contradiction

Perfect oh that people have screamed at you many times to leave

@TellMeImNotWrong Your DH sounds like a bit of a prat.

Of course you don't leave an unwell child alone in a hotel room while you go on a long walk where there may be questionable phone signal and no quick way back to the child. That's kind of neglectful.

Additionally, if he's trying to encourage your children to like hillwalking, turning it into some form of forced march with diarrhoea breaks by the side of the trail is definitely not going to achieve that.

DH and I love hillwalking and we're introducing our DC to it gradually. Do you know what we do if they don't seem up to the planned walk? We don't go on it. Possibly a radical idea, but the health and happiness of our DC is more important than any walking activity could ever be.

Yep. Do you allow strangers on the internet to make major life decisions for you? Especially when they don't have all the facts? Is Mumsnet your moral compass?

I'd tell your DH to take a ruddy hike - you know what I mean.

For the love of God OP get your children out of this toxic soup. You know how bad this is - doing nothing isn’t an option.

Apart from anything else it would be illegal to leave a child of that age alone at all! I hope he isn’t this much of an arse normally!

Don't doubt yourself.
10 years is rather young to leave alone, especially in an unknown environment.
Your hubby is being selfish.

Don't let him bully you - you are a mum and therefore know best!
Just remind him of Madeline McCann if he gives you any ridiculous answer.
And next time leave him at home and take a friend!

What a child he is!

I wonder what the hotel manager would have to say about a minor being left alone and unwell in a room all day.

There's no legal minimum age to leave a child in the UK.

Well he sounds like a complete knobhead. Does he have any redeeming features?

He sounds absolutely awful. He didn't even miss out as he still went hiking with your DS.

There's no way I'd have left a 10yr old
In a hotel on their own

Does he realise it's EVERYONES holiday and not just his.

I hope the selfish fucker gets D&V so you and the dc can make him walk up a mountain and say he's making it up when he wants to stay in bed
.

@DaughterofDawn

I've never asked the Internet or mumsnet for advice

So DH and DS get to dictate the family holiday by refusing to do anything else? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree - is DS the elder?

DH is obviously being a dick to consider leaving a 10 yr old alone in a hotel, let alone a sick 10 yr old. He doubtless knows perfectly well between tantrums the hotel won't wear it either. He is being a crap parent.

How often does he behave like this or are you all well schooled in bending yourselves around him for a quiet life? This kind of tantrum followed by persisting nastiness is rarely a one off.

Well you can be sure if you ask any kind of relationship advice and mention even the slightest negative trait about your partner then everyone thinks that is the defining trait of that person and they will shout from the rooftops to end it. Never mind you've have 15+ years that were totally perfect and conflict free. This is the one moment of moments to destroy everything you've built. Don't bother working it out. Your spouse having this one singular moment is all that matters. They can't be redeemed. 🤪

The internet loves to burn bridges on other people's behalves because of a single bad day. Lol.

@DaughterofDawn

So why ask for advice multiple times if you knew that would be the response?

Sometimes LTB is the appropriate response

Because between those posts there are reasonable helpful people who have more to offer then "just end it". Btw I've only asked for help twice in the entirety of our relationship. But there are times when randos pitch into a conversation half way through and take something wildly out of context and they're like "omg your partner is a horrible person!" People just like to feel morally superior. That's why they are quick to destroy good things. Then they can walk away and not deal with the fall out but tell themselves they did a good thing.

OP please read this.

Despite what he says or what you believe ... look at his actions. HE DOES NOT CARE.
Everything's great when it's going his way isn't it?

Functional adults do not have tantrums.

As PP have said protect your DC from this toxic individual ASAP.

I KNOW you think we are all overreacting. We are not.

Imagine your 10 yo daughter is now me at 50. I do not see my Dad, it is too awful for my mental health. I DO NOT SEE MY MUM EITHER. He asked her to choose and she picked him. Do not let this be your future. I mean everything that I have said kindly.