WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

[TellMeImNotWrong]

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

Wow this was me at 13! I really wanted to take part in holiday activities, but thanks to what I now know was part anxiety (change of scenery - even though I was excited to be on holiday/missing our dog and being dreadfully worried about him being in kennels) and part my messed up hormones (that didn't settle until I went on the mini-pill at 16) I used to feel overwhelmingly sick in situations, including holidays and places I didn't know. I didn't feel so bad at the "base" of where we were staying but got dizzy and nauseous venturing further out.

I’m assuming that this holiday was his idea and it’s actually him that wants to walk up mountains every day?…. As a mountain leader, someone who takes people up mountains for a living… I would not think this a adorable holiday for my children. Yes, one or 2 in a week. But not every day!!

Where are you?!

Regardless of whether she's ill or not he sounds like a prick and a snob. Not everyone would find that kind of walk appealing and it does not mean they have "no ambition".

Your husband is incredibly selfish.

He’s lucky to have children that would want to do a walking holiday, I can imagine that would be right at the bottom of the list of ideal holiday activities for most children, so he should be thankful he’s at least got an attempt at the holiday he wants.

This.

Unlikely a one off as the suggestion is so shocking.

Are you and your children being abused by him verbally and emotionally?

Suggesting you abandon an unwell 10 year old for hours is not normal behaviour.

Three hours is NOT a 'short walk'. Especially not for a child.

May I ask, are holiday decisions made as a family?

You didn't need to ask. Of course YANBU, but your husband is BVVVVVVVVU, and is being incredibly selfish.

I hope your DD feels better soon 💐

I just can’t imagine being married to someone like this. To love them, sleep beside them. How do you do it OP??

Did everyone agree to a full-on walking holiday, or were you pushed into it by DH?

When I was growing up, walking holidays were my parents idea of heaven and my idea of hell. I vividly remember faking many a stomach ache/headache to get out of yet another day traipsing up and down mountains.

I'm not saying your DD is faking or that you're unreasonable for staying with her, but it might be worth considering whether she wanted this holiday to begin with.

Holidays should be about everyone and not just about the parents dictating all the activities.

Is this out of character for him?

Mind you

i aso can’t imagine having to ask mumsnet of being unreasonable to stay with my poorly child

He thinks it's OK to leave a10yo alone In a hotel room, while she's feeling unwell and to go on a hike where telephone reception is likely to be nil and it'd take hours to return back if there's an emergency.

Wow, not someone I'd like to be the father of my DC.

Those sound really long walks, especially for a child.

And of course you shouldn't leave a 10 year old in the hotel on their own all day (especially if they're saying they feel ill.)

? Leave a 10 year old who is sick alone for 5-6 hours?

My youngest is nearly 11, while I do leave him alone at home for an hour or two I wouldn't leave him alone in a holiday place for any length of time and certainly not if he was ill 😳

Your DH is being dangerous in his mountain fever. He needs to adapt to the reality of the situation rather than ploughing on ahead regardless.

Sounds like the kind of bloke our mountain rescue people have to pick up off the tops when ambition has triumphed over the real world.

He's being an arse. You are a good mum. You have made the right call.

I had an exH like this. Once when my DD was 9 he decided she was making too much fuss and just took my son and left us. In the middle of a city in Europe, he'd taken the pack pack with our money.

This was decades ago.

Luckily had two euros in my pocket so I could buy her water, we used the loo in McDonald's constantly and sat in the shade outside. It was a grim four hours.

She had the early beginnings of a nasty waterworks infection. She was poorly but in his eyes it was making a fuss, inconveniencing him and disrupting HIS plans.

Some men are just unkind.

This. A walking holiday is an amazing opportunity to have kids fall in love with the outdoors, surprise themselves with what they can do, etc, feel great about themselves for literally conquering a mountain! Your H has literally taken a crap all over those amazing opportunities to make your DD feel horrible. And to also not even acknowledge that you are probably sad you cant go yourself today - but you staying meant he could go and have fun, but instead insult you. He sounds vile. You'd have a much better holiday if he wasn't there!

He’s lucky to have children that would want to do a walking holiday,

He probably doesn’t. Judging by his reaction to his ill dd spoiling his plans, the children (and op?) feel they have to go along with it for a quiet(er) life, knowing what he’s like if he doesn’t get his own way.

WTF is he talking about with his 'has no ambition' bullshit? It's a holiday, not boot camp. My parents were keen walkers but Dsis and I got bored with it and so they adapted and didn't plan long hikes daily. When I was 12 and my Dsis was 9, they were happy to leave us in the camper van where we had everything we needed.

🤣🤣🤣

Actually I agree - it sounds as if this holiday is entirely about what he wants. And your DD sounds as if she wants to but is actually ill.

The fact he wanted to leave her alone in a hotel room at that age feeling ill would be a line crossed I could not come back from

This holiday sounds really intense for two kids !! I’m not sure where you are but if it’s warm/hot that’s a lot of walking for small bodies. Are you doing anything else with your time beyond walking up hills ?!

No ambition? A holiday should be enjoyable not a endure test. It sounds like you need to re think holidays and maybe your relationship.

Did he want to have children?

Suddenly the holiday in Wales with FIL and his dilapidated garden and stream sounds hugely attractive! Is this specifically your H's interest? I knew a family like this where the children were forced to follow father's hobby - parents are now divorced.

Why does the poor kid have to be ambitious to walk up a hill and back down again anyway? There are better things to be ambitious for.