WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

[TellMeImNotWrong]

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

He's a grade A arse hole. I wouldn't leave my 16 year old to be I'll on his own, how miserable. Is be there so I could go and get him good and drink and other things if he needed it. Because I actually care about my family note than doing something I'd enjoy.

No way on earth would I leave a 10 year old on their own in a hotel room ill

I’m confused about who is the child here —- your DD sounds sensible, your DH is at best behaving like a spoilt brat who can’t get his own way, at worst a neglectful parent.
Hed leave a 10 year old alone in a hotel when she’s obviously unwell??? Who would leave a 10 year old alone in a hotel anyway?
He’s a self centred moron, your DD is obviously unwell.

yes I'd put money on this isn't his first rodeo

OP sounds like you'd be better off if he did go home, a few years ago our children were tag teaming being ill - me and DH took turns in taking the ones out that were well - if children are ill, then you as the parent stay with them

I thought your DD was an adult and even then! She’s only 10 and she’s poorly. She needs looking after. What a wanker!

Well he sounds like a fucking treat!

Would the hotel have been happy at having an unsupervised and potentially poorly 10 year old left there - I doubt it!

But this does suggest there are bigger issues - if he is THAT into hiking/walking/mountains he ought to know you DO NOT push someone to do a planned route when they're ill, that is dangerous.

He really ought to know leaving a sick child alone in a hotel isn't on.

SO he is a selfish bastard who wants everything his way and for everyone to obey him without question.

My parents were the outdoors, up mountains down caves types - but both had led trips (caves, foreign expeditions) and for all the grumping and moaning I might do about their parenting style - neither would EVER push someone to do something they're not capable of, because it puts EVERYONE at risk.

The stories (and the rantings) I have heard from friends/family who have been involved in outdoor rescue and it turns out some twat has gone out still hung over, coming down with flu, suffering d&v and suddenly become MUCH sicker underground or on an inaccessible steep path somewhere - putting themselves, their group and rescue at risk all because they didn't want to alter plans, because their 'ambition' to do a route or reach a summit is SO much more important than ANYONE ELSE.

You say that the children were consulted, but you have also said "It's the only type of activity that DS likes and usually DD doesn't mind."

That does not say 'the adults considered the children's feelings when choosing this holiday'. Instead, it says 'Daddy and son really want to hike, and daughter learned long ago that she is expected to agree'. Really, it does say that to me.

Your husband is a complete arsehole to even contemplate leaving a 10 year-old alone in a hotel when the parents would take hours to get back to them. Complete arsehole.

"we haven't been walking every day, we usually do a short walk, a more ambitious walk and then a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere."
So actually your husband has called the shots on this holiday. He wants to walk every day, and leave you to tend to his children so he can go off alone. Complete arsehole. Complete self-centred arsehole.

Wow! I thought he was probably just a bit disappointed this morning and handled it badly, and that he might come back sheepish, especially when he saw dd had slept some of the day. But he's clearly on a whole other level of unreasonable!

This is absolutely not normal. What would he have done if you’d all gone off and come back to a DD who was seriously ill or unconscious? Quite serious illnesses can start like this and kids of that age can get worse very quickly. He is at best completely irresponsible at worst downright abusive. If that had happened and she’d ended up in hospital then you’d be facing serious questions from social services. I also suspect as well that this might be the tip of the iceberg- why an earth did it matter so much? Why couldn’t he just enjoy the walk with your DS and be grateful that you were happy to stay. He sounds like a petulant, controlling nightmare. I think I’d be making plans to get out TBH.

Your DH should be ashamed of his behaviour.

Who the hell would leave a 10 year old on their own, your "dh" is an arsehole.

What the fuck. He is a complete cunt! Is he always like this?!

I wouldn’t call a 3 hour walk ‘short’ for a start 🤣 I think he’s being a dick.

Is he always this much of a dick?

What exactly is the problem?

He still got to go walking (fucking boring) what does he have to be pissed off about?

What a very selfish and uncaring husband and father. I am afraid I would have returned home with my daughter and left him to it. I bet this so called holiday was his idea. I am sure your daughter would have preferred a more normal bucket and spade holiday at the age of 10.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay

Well, aren't you the lucky ones. I'd tell him to piss off home to be honest. And take the sick child, so he can look after her and you can get with things.

She passed the illness test - no screens and rest in bed and has been asleep for the best part of 2 hours now.

is this a joke? You generally sound like a really controlling family.

(after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here)

What an unspeakably mean thing to do to a genuinely sick child. Also he's telling his son that DD is to blame for 'ruining' the holiday (which appears to revolve around the fact that it's the only kind of activity that DS is prepared to contemplate). So that's going to do the sibling relationship no good at all.

He really is awful.

Wow what a disgusting man child he is!

Has he always been like this when he doesn’t get his own way?

I would never have expected my children to go on hikes of that length of time and distance, ESPECIALLY if they felt unwell.
Maybe your DD felt she had to agree to the other walks, knowing what her dad is like.
I think he's bang out of order and I'd be doing other things with her while hubby pleased himself.
I wouldn't allow him to bully his DD or mock her for opting out.
He sounds unlikeable.

When you get home wash his waterproofs using fabric conditioner

Well, for sure he's a Jeremy Hunt 😂

That's not fair.

OP is away from home, on holiday. Her DD is ill. Her DH is being a prat and DS is stuck in the middle.

Surely no one would be spending their time ending their marriage in these circumstances? She's concentrating on making the best of here and now.

Maybe she is dithering about ending a bad marriage. Maybe it's not all bad and she has to weigh up the good vs the bad. Maybe she and DH are currently in relationship counselling. Maybe she feels financially trapped. Maybe she already has an appt with a SHL the day she gets home. Who knows.

It's shocking that he behaved like that in front of the children. I assume he is usually like this and you all walk on egg shells?

You really need to consider if this is the environment you want your children to grow up in. I grew up in a similar environment and next time I was unwell I would have hidden it and tried to paint on a smile next time even though I felt poorly as I would have felt to blame for my parent kicking off. Please don't put your daughter in that situation.

I'm a walker too. Absolutely love it. Walk for 2 - 5 hours at a time.
Your husband is vile.
Only he matters in your family life.

Why aren't you responding to questions from other posters?
Why won't you stand up to him?

Ffs your daughter is watching you let her father be like this. Are you scared of him?

For Gods sake stop allowing this bullshit.

Ye Gods, what a thick, selfish cunt.