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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
Hollywolly1 · 31/07/2022 14:17

Its ferry humid weather for all that walking for children

Sherrystrull · 31/07/2022 14:21

Blanketpolicy · 31/07/2022 13:43

I am speechless his only acceptable solutions without him sulking is to drag her out on the walk or leave an unwell 10 year old in a hotel room alone. What happens if that nausea turns into vomiting?

You say it is the only activity your ds enjoys, and you all join in, but when you do something your dd prefers he buggers off and does his own thing? What kind of message is that sending to your dd?

I would suggest he does hiking as a hobby with ds and not on family holidays which should be about what you ALL actively want to do. He should also find something to do with his dd that she actually enjoys, not just joins in with.

This with bells on

BitOutOfPractice · 31/07/2022 14:21

So he has to do what he wants every single day of the holiday. And if anyone doesn’t fall into line they “lack ambition”? He sounds like an utter knob to be honest.

MintJulia · 31/07/2022 14:22

OK, so you are married to a thick, selfish, inconsiderate arsehole. Honestly, who leaves a poorly 10yo girl on her own all day in a strange hotel?

Has he always been that mean?

sadsack78 · 31/07/2022 14:30

You're not being unreasonable. Leaving an ill child alone in a hotel room is irresponsible. And what if one of you got injured on the hike, or you got unexpectedly delayed getting back?

You're in the right here. Stay with her, have a cuddle and put something on telly.

dottiedodah · 31/07/2022 14:49

Just wondering who voted YABU! Anyway of course you did the right thing here.No one would leave a little girl whos ill on her own at home ,let alone in a strange hotel surely .

thenewduchessoflapland · 31/07/2022 14:51

Who the fuck leaves a 10 year old alone in a hotel?

He sounds like a narcissist arsehole tbh.

Marvellousmadness · 31/07/2022 14:53

Doesnt sound like a holiday at all tbh
Leaving a 10 yo allone at home yes. In a hotel? Not sure. Probably not no.

Original poster
TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 15:03

Oh he's furious with me. Back and livid I would call his parenting into question. If I don't want to hike with him I should have said so before we booked the holiday. I can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

and no, I don't know what he would have done if she'd called to say she'd thrown up and we were at the top of the mountain.

it's not hot and it's not humid for anyone who's asking.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

OP posts:
thenewduchessoflapland · 31/07/2022 15:06

then a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere.

Why the hell does he get a day to himself whilst you do the grunt work?;where's your day to yourself whilst he entertains the DC?

Do you even enjoy yourself on these boot camps holidays with your master DH?

AppleBottomRats · 31/07/2022 15:06

TBH it sounds like you’d all have a better time if he did leave!

thenewduchessoflapland · 31/07/2022 15:07

CallOnMe · 31/07/2022 11:03

I wouldn’t even let my 10 year old stay home alone when they were sick and I wouldn’t let my 10 year old stay in a strange hotel in a strange place even if they were feeling fine!
Leaving a sick child in a hotel room is verging on child abuse!

Some parents are just so shit!

I hope it’s the norovirus and DH gets it and I would fully expect him to go on the walk and tell him he’s faking it.

We often go walking during the holidays and have planned several walks to explore new places and my DC really enjoy it but the holiday doesn’t sound much fun for kids and it’s really sad that everything revolves around your DH.

Sounds like my parents;my dad would have left me alone and Ill and insisted my mum went with him.

Isthisit22 · 31/07/2022 15:08

What a horrible man. Willing to bet this is the tip of the iceberg

dapsnotplimsolls · 31/07/2022 15:08

Poor DS probably had to listen to him chuntering the whole time they were on their walk!

Kennykenkencat · 31/07/2022 15:10

I would have packed his bag this morning and waved him off.

He is staying and not leaving you to enjoy the rest of the holiday sounds more like he is punishing you all.

Seriously you need to decide your future with such a selfish dickhead who thinks of no one but himself.
I wouldn’t feel safe though sending dc to stay with him for anytime if he thinks that it is ok to leave an ill 10 year old in a hotel on their own.

His parenting should be called into question.

RiojaRose · 31/07/2022 15:13

Well now you have more reasons to question his parenting: poor reasoning and manipulative behaviour.

Is this out of character? Or fairly normal for him?

Pythonesque · 31/07/2022 15:15

He should at least have had the grace to apologise and acknowledge your daughter is actually ill, once he heard that she'd spent the time in bed asleep! (maybe if she was 16 not 10 that wouldn't follow but then a 16 yr old you could have left)

pointythings · 31/07/2022 15:15

Bet this is fully normal for OP's husband and that he is a domineering arsehole in everyday life as well.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 31/07/2022 15:17

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 15:03

Oh he's furious with me. Back and livid I would call his parenting into question. If I don't want to hike with him I should have said so before we booked the holiday. I can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

and no, I don't know what he would have done if she'd called to say she'd thrown up and we were at the top of the mountain.

it's not hot and it's not humid for anyone who's asking.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

So PP are right - he's controlling, manipulative and abusive.

Question is, what are you going to do about it?

Sherrystrull · 31/07/2022 15:20

Op, is this behaviour normal for him?

HesterShaw1 · 31/07/2022 15:20

ValerieDoonican · 31/07/2022 14:13

It's probably been mentioned already but she might have covid? The more recent varieties sometimes present with gut symptoms or so I have read.

Doesn't matter if it's Covid or not. The point is, she doesn't feel well and her dad is being a selfish prick.

LookItsMeAgain · 31/07/2022 15:20

HannahSternDefoe · 31/07/2022 13:23

His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

Pack all of your and your DDs stuff, carry her to the car and take her home now while he's having his precious "little walk".

Leave your absolute bell-end of an H to pack his and your DS stuff and get a train/taxi home.

Knob.

I hope your DD is starting to feel better.

I'd do this by the way. Your husband, her father is being very very unreasonable.

honeylulu · 31/07/2022 15:21

Bloody hell, he got to do exactly what he wanted and yet he's still furious because YOU would not do what he wanted too.

I bet he thinks his "concession" to stay is doing you a great favour. Whereas I fit one would have been delighted to see the back of him. Definitely take him up on never having to go hiking with him ever again. Ugh. Vile bullying tosser.

Maddogsandtoplessenglishmen · 31/07/2022 15:22

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 15:03

Oh he's furious with me. Back and livid I would call his parenting into question. If I don't want to hike with him I should have said so before we booked the holiday. I can't possibly argue that a child who is old enough to be held criminally responsible before a court is not old enough to stay in a hotel room for the day....

and no, I don't know what he would have done if she'd called to say she'd thrown up and we were at the top of the mountain.

it's not hot and it's not humid for anyone who's asking.

he has thrown a tantrum and conceded he will stay (after telling the DC that he was going to go home and leave us here) but will do his own thing. And never come hiking with me again.

So he's gone from being a bad parent to opting out of parenting altogether.

This holiday really is all about him isn't it.

Because if it was actually about your DS and what he enjoys then he would at least be taking him with him. But its not is it, its about your DH and only him.

And now all of you are being punished because your DD dared to be ill and interrupt his plans.

What a cunt.

Tiani4 · 31/07/2022 15:22

@TellMeImNotWrong

Oh my goodness, you are married to a child!!! He is awful- immature and selfish little man, and not a good parent.

No good Dad would behave like that, sulking and griping about how their daughter had ruined their hiking plans !! And complaining that mum stayed with the vomiting child with diarrhoea instead of keeping grown ass man company on his 5+ mile hike !!! A good Dad would be far too concerned about their actual unwell child.

Does your DH usually neglect his children and behave so selfishly? Does he normally throw these childish tantrums shouting and threatening?

OP all you can do is roll your eyes and respond to him as the neglectful shit Dad that he is - Tell him to "button it or piss off, none of this should be about him. "

He is unbelievable ShockAngry

Well done OP for being your DD's only decent parent and for standing up to the manbaby that you married