WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

[TellMeImNotWrong]

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

Absolutely.

He’s being a twat

Is your husband always a selfish prick?

I like how you have completely ignored the entire theme of this thread pointing out how horrible and selfish your husband has been in this situation. Is that how you react to him in real life? Ignore and move on.

Come on Op, do better.

What a knob! It would be nothing short of negligent to leave a 10 year old alone all day even if they weren't ill and certainly not in a hotel room. As for having no ambition A. she is 10 and B. not everyone has the same ambition. Personally my ambition on holiday is to lie down as much as possible, read a couple of good books and get a tan.

Thing is, also with two parents and two kids, there's a really easy solution to this. You stay with her, he takes the more enthusiastic kid on the long walk. Everyone's a winner. No need to make anyone feel bad or inadequate or stressed because there's a really easy solution anyway. I'm a single parent and it's harder to please everyone in these situations, even then I would never force anyone or berate them for example, one teen suddenly decided they didn't want to go in the pool on a pool day last year (perhaps self-conscious) and so they didn't go! No big deal except in his mind.

Sounds like a piss poor holiday to me but to each their own!
Your H sounds awful to be honest. Fine to ask if you minded if he and DS went by themselves but absolutely bang out of order having a go at you! Let's hope he keeps walking.
Oh and are you even allowed to leave a child in a hotel room by themselves?

I think DH needs to understand that walking us fine... but there is mire to holidays than climbing g a hill as well.

Let's say she is pretending for a moment. Did you guys even consider your children's feelings when choosing this holiday? Do they feel like they can safely express their feelings? I imagine based on your husband's reaction if she had confessed she wasn't enjoying herself the answer is no. Also maybe this holiday was a poor choice if your kids have to 'fake' sick to get out of it. Maybe next time you want exercise maybe do something that will bee fun for everyone or just do something relaxing.

^^This

I'd have taken the cue from my DD, but one of mine at that age was extremely self-sufficient and would have loved a day to herself! My other DC - no way would I have left alone in a hotel.
I can understand your DH's frustration, particularly if it was a costly holiday, but I can't find an excuse for him being annoyed at you. It seems to be a thoughtless response to that frustration.
Is your DP a high-achieving, not particularly empathic individual? These types seem incapable of walking in other people's shoes.
Could he be correct in that your DD is voting with her feet and that she's actually ok? If so, I find myself wondering if his frustration is not to do with you choosing to stay behind but you not seeing your DD's manipulation.

I agree - but the reason I can give this nonsense advice is because we know she won’t do it. However, it’s sometimes helpful to transfer the situation to the bully and see if the OP can imagine that scenario happening. My guess is this would NEVER happen…which should make the OP question why.

The man is probably a bully. My bet is the family dynamic is built completely around his needs and this can be hard to see unless some situations are hypothetically reversed.

"...a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere."

That sounds like a rest day for him. Where does he go?!

wow, is he always this selfish and unsympathetic OP? Maybe he is disappointed that you aren't all together but he needs to get a grip. You haven't curtailed his day, you have done the sensible thing, he goes out, you stay in.

I would be having words with him about why he felt you should force a sick child on a 5 hour hike and ask him how he planned on dealing with D & V halfway up a mountain. I'm fairly sure medical advice is stay rehydrated, not walk up mountains and dehydrate even more.

Hopefully he will come back and apologise for being a selfish ignorant twat.

Not wishing to cast gloom and alarm, but aged 10 I had a burst appendix. All the same symptoms leading up to it .....

OP might have something going on. Like a vomiting ten year old. Not everyone has time to sit around replying to MN threads. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Could he be correct in that your DD is voting with her feet and that she's actually ok?
I don't think so. She passed the illness test - no screens and rest in bed and has been asleep for the best part of 2 hours now.
If so, I find myself wondering if his frustration is not to do with you choosing to stay behind but you not seeing your DD's manipulation.
Probably why he was annoyed with me yes. But I genuinely think she's not feeling well.

Waiting to see what he has to say for himself when they get back...

Did you guys even consider your children's feelings when choosing this holiday? Do they feel like they can safely express their feelings? yes, they were consulted.

I went on a walking holiday with my dad and my sister as an adult (I was about 20 I think) and got a nasty cold and my dad offered to stay back with me even though he was the keenest walker amongst us, because he knew it was disorientating to be ill in a strange room by yourself. I didn't take him up on it, but the offer was lovely. If I had been 10 there is no way on earth he would have left me there by myself, that's not normal.

Your poor daughter tagging along on holidays that are for your DS (and DH I'm guessing) just because she doesn't complain and then the one time she is ill being accused of faking it.

I would be tempted to agree with your DH, that there is no point in going on holiday if half the family aren't going to join in, so until they are willing to join in with some activities your DD (and you) actually enjoy then there is little point going.

Stop making your daughter the bottom of the priority list.

That sounds like a rest day for him. Where does he go?!
on a long hike not suitable for the DC (or me)

Does he often get annoyed with you if you don’t do what he wants?

I can’t believe how passive you are about him suggesting that your 10 y/o stays at the hotel by herself.

I wouldn’t ruin the holiday for my kids but I’d be spending the day planning on the best way to leave him as soon as we get home.

Wow - he’s an arse

3 hour 'short walk' up a mountain? I can't even get my 9 year old to walk to the supermarket across the road.

This is frustrating

but not my circus

it’s got “children spending vast amounts on therapy as adults” stamped all over it.

you could show your DD the “we took you to stately homes” thread whilst you have the day together

Even if she wasn't sick, you can't leave a 10 year old child alone in a hotel for 5 plus hours!! They're not baby sitters.

Who would be responsible if she gets worse, or gets better and decides to go wandering off?

Does he not want to have fun with them in the pool?