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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 31/07/2022 10:32

Show him this thread when he gets back.

Lollypip · 31/07/2022 10:35

What the f...
I expected you to say that she was 16 or something!! Leaving a 10 year old girl in a hotel room where anything could go wrong would be neglectful. She could have a seizure, someone could see you all leaving and notice she has been left vulnerable.
Your husband sounds like a d*ck in all honesty. Ambition? Ooft.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 10:35

RampantIvy · 31/07/2022 10:32

Show him this thread when he gets back.

mumsnet is important to mumsnetters perhaps

But otherwise mumsnet is something they occasionally read about in DM and holds no value or interest to them at all.

if someone waved at me a thread containing the views of a group of anonymous posters on a chat forum - I would be utterly baffled that they’d think it was of interest to me.

she doesn’t need to show him a thread to tell him that he’s being bloody unreasonable.

christmas2022 · 31/07/2022 10:37

Why are men such selfish dicks.

Not all men.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 10:38

Lollypip · 31/07/2022 10:35

What the f...
I expected you to say that she was 16 or something!! Leaving a 10 year old girl in a hotel room where anything could go wrong would be neglectful. She could have a seizure, someone could see you all leaving and notice she has been left vulnerable.
Your husband sounds like a d*ck in all honesty. Ambition? Ooft.

I wouldn’t want to leave my 16 year old daughter alone if she was ill tbh.

i wouldn’t imagine myself enjoying the walk if I knew my child was back at the hotel in a foreign country feeling ill

not a fucking chance actually

RiojaRose · 31/07/2022 10:39

Your husband is a twat. No ambition? That’s such a mean thing to say. Especially about a child.

Lollypip · 31/07/2022 10:40

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 10:38

I wouldn’t want to leave my 16 year old daughter alone if she was ill tbh.

i wouldn’t imagine myself enjoying the walk if I knew my child was back at the hotel in a foreign country feeling ill

not a fucking chance actually

Show quote history

Same. I wonderes th

WinterMusings · 31/07/2022 10:40

What a monumental wanker.

it sounds as though DD would normally enjoy the walks/hikes, he should have asked HER which one she most wanted to do & done the other one today & DS only go IF he really wanted to. He should have said he'd try to keep in touch during the day & would take some photos for her. Thanked you for staying & giving him the opportunity to go.

why are you still with someone so horrible?

you & the kids deserve MUCH better.

the the person who voted YABU, if you accidentally did it, you can just change your vote by tapping YANBU. If you did it on purpose, you need help.

Merryoldgoat · 31/07/2022 10:42

I’d ditch the holidays and save the cash for therapy when she’s older.

A walking holiday with kids?

3 hours isn’t a short walk for anyone, especially up a hill/mountain.

No ambition?

Imagine saying that about a 10 year old who is supposed to be on holiday.

Sweet Jesus.

Occasionallysunny · 31/07/2022 10:44

There is d&v doing the rounds in many primary schools in the UK atm. Tbh it sounds like she has a bout of that.
I’m quite hard on the kids shirking physical activities but sounds like you did the right thing to me.

Faffertea · 31/07/2022 10:45

DS is 9.5. I’ve left him at home alone for a few minutes when I’ve gone to feed the neighbour’s cat, borrow something from another neighbour etc but wouldn’t leave him alone for longer than that let alone if he was unwell.

We do a fair amount of walking and recently hiked up Snowdon with DS. We always plan lots of stops, snack breaks etc and usually do other stuff on other days too.

Its supposed to be DD’s holiday too right?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/07/2022 10:45

No ambition! Absolute prick 😡. Did she hear him say that!

A short walk to me is 30 minutes … not 2 hours! Were you up for this ‘holiday’ or was it all his idea.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/07/2022 10:46

3 hours even!

Goldbar · 31/07/2022 10:47

You can't leave a 10 year old alone in a hotel room. You just can't. It's irresponsible parenting and neglect and puts her in danger if there's an emergency (fire, someone accesses the room etc.).

Your options are to drag ill 10 year out with you, one parent stays or book a responsible babysitter.

chilledpotato · 31/07/2022 10:47

Even if the 10yo is faking it she's saying she doesn't want to hike. Would you force an adult to hike somewhere they don't want to?!

Perhaps your dh is believing your dc is faking the sickness, but at the end of the day his course of action regardless is inappropriate for a 10yo. I'd also not be happy that your ds is being taught it's ok to abandon his sister when she's unhappy/sick. They should be taught to support each other imo.

Perhaps reduce the hiking and ask if your dd has something else she'd like to do to first see if she's actually unwell. And the. Do that with dd and let ds choose between hiking with your dh or doing the alternative activity. Obviously if she's genuinely unwell then you'll have to stay out anyway but I have a feeling it's a walking avoidance sickness!!

dancinfeet · 31/07/2022 10:47

please stay with your DD at the hotel- I have horrible memories from when I was about 13, and I came down with a sickness bug on holiday with my parents and extended family. Memories of being dragged round blackpool and vomiting in bins/ running into public loos, and being made to sit and watch the rest of the family eat in a restaurant whilst the smell of food made me nauseous. And being told how I was ruining everyone else’s holiday- I would have happily stayed at the b and b by myself and rested, but I wasn’t allowed in case it was an inconvenience to the landlady (!).
Please advocate for your child, if she isn’t up to going out walking, don’t make her.

PinkiOcelot · 31/07/2022 10:47

How is that a holiday?! How is a 3 hour walk a short walk?
sounds like boot camp to me. I wouldn’t want to do it, never mind a 10 year old. What an absolute dick your H is.

WinterMusings · 31/07/2022 10:48

@TellMeImNotWrong

sorry, that didn't actually answer your question.

Would I fuck.

if they were too I'll to come with me, I'd consider leaving them for 5-30 minutes while I got something from the chemist (though tbf. I take a lot of stuff with me so probably wouldn't need anything). &/or bottled water & something plain to eat. But that's it. Stuff SHE needs, in a few minutes.

I wouldn't leave her alone at home any longer than that if she was unwell either.

not to mention (not that it's my biggest concern) it's probably against the rules of the hotel.

Thank Hod she has one parent that cares.

I doubt she is, but even if she's not quite telling the truth, I wouldn't leave her in a hotel alone either. (I would at home for a couple of hours). She needs to feel loved, listen to & looked after (even if it's a porkie, your reaction is important).

she'll know her Dad (??) doesn't give a shit (but let's hope he has a lot on his hike today).

chilledpotato · 31/07/2022 10:48

Stay put anyway not out*

bubblescoop · 31/07/2022 10:48

He’s a neglectful parent and I wouldn’t leave them alone as I would be worried about how he parented her.

Walking holidays are also not for children. But then you find the sort of parents into these force their kids into it anyway because they want to do it and claim they love it and they’d prefer it to a beach/park/fair etc.

ManateeFair · 31/07/2022 10:50

She’s clearly feeling genuinely unwell, and it would be absolutely horrible to leave a 10-year-old feeling sick in a hotel room for five hours. Poor kid.

Your husband sounds like an awful, bullying father. ‘No ambition’? She’s a poorly 10-year-old on holiday, ffs, how much ‘ambition’ does he want from her?

Original poster
TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 10:50

It's the only type of activity that DS likes and usually DD doesn't mind. She's asleep now, from what she's described to me she has d&v with nausea instead of the v... Her temp is slightly raised but not feverish.
we haven't been walking every day, we usually do a short walk, a more ambitious walk and then a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere.
She doesn't have form for pretending to be unwell (that's Ds and school Grin ) she would normally say if she doesn't want to go somewhere.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 31/07/2022 10:50

I take it this holiday is what your h wants. That’s what it sounds like. You cannot leave a 10yo on their own in a hotel room. That is neglect. He can go in his fucking long walk and not come back as far as I’d be concerned.

Keep walking… just a bit further…keep going…fuck off some more…!

Zofloraeverywhere · 31/07/2022 10:51

Everyone here agrees that you’re married to a selfish, uncaring man. What are you going to do to change things? I’ll give you a clue - he won’t change his behaviour but your children will be damaged by his bullying. I’ve never had the slightest ‘ambition’ to climb a mountain or go for long hikes. Does he have any good points?

I would never leave a 10 year old in a hotel room on their own for a few hours, let alone a child who is feeling unwell. Social services and the NSPCC would agree with me.

Happyandyouknowit82 · 31/07/2022 10:52

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 10:50

It's the only type of activity that DS likes and usually DD doesn't mind. She's asleep now, from what she's described to me she has d&v with nausea instead of the v... Her temp is slightly raised but not feverish.
we haven't been walking every day, we usually do a short walk, a more ambitious walk and then a rest day where I take the DC to the pool and DH goes off somewhere.
She doesn't have form for pretending to be unwell (that's Ds and school Grin ) she would normally say if she doesn't want to go somewhere.

Now you’re back op

can you tell me what it’s like to be married to a man like this? Because I can’t get my head around how you could look at him and think you love him.

do you enjoying this type of holiday?

and did you really think you might have been unreasonable on not wanting to leave your young, poorly daughter alone whilst you went off for a walk?

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