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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to refuse to go out with DH?

306 replies

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 08:42

We're on holiday - a walking holiday. DD woke up saying she felt sick and has a grumbly tummy and a headache. We did a walk two days ago when she said towards the end that she was dizzy and that evening had a bit of stomach ache and needed the toilet suddenly.
We didn't do a lot yesterday and had a short walk (3 hours, about 400m up) planned today which she wanted to go on.
Tomorrow we'd planned a bigger walk, (900m to a peak, at least 5 hours) which she also wanted to do.
DH thinks she is making excuses and has no ambition and said that we should leave her here in the hotel and do the bigger walk today with DS. He's now gone off with DS, incredibly annoyed with me for not agreeing to leave her alone in the hotel for the day. She's 10 and says she feels like throwing up Confused His parting shot was if half of us don't want to take part in the holiday we might as well pack up and drive home tomorrow.

YABU - I would have left my 10 year old in the hotel with the tv in these circumstances, you're babying her.
YANBU - don't be daft, you can't leave an I'll child alone in a hotel.

OP posts:
Spohn · 31/07/2022 11:59

What do you find attractive about your shitty husband who wants to neglect your child? Does he treat her like shit in other ways?

mycatisannoying · 31/07/2022 12:03

What exactly about this is a holiday? The poor kids would probably rather be messing around in the pool.

ImustLearn2Cook · 31/07/2022 12:04

Yanbu and I hope your dd feels better soon. There is no way that I would leave my sick child alone in a hotel room to fend for herself. What if she got much worse and couldn’t contact you because she was too sick or you were out of range? Or she could contact you and you couldn’t get back soon enough? You have made a very responsible decision.

G0forit · 31/07/2022 12:06

His daughter hasn’t prevented DH from going out walking with Ds. He’s being an arse and needs reminding that the world won’t collapse if you all cannot go on a long family walk. The lack of concern for his daughter isn’t great news - if she doesn’t have form for playing the illness card then maybe she is ill?! Imagine if she’d gone to please him and collapsed? You’ve done the right thing and stayed with her.

Maddogsandtoplessenglishmen · 31/07/2022 12:07

TellMeImNotWrong · 31/07/2022 11:52

That sounds like a rest day for him. Where does he go?!
on a long hike not suitable for the DC (or me)

And when do you get your child free day to do something you enjoy?

I'm guessing that's on the list below DD getting a holiday she actively enjoys?

Are women actually respected in your family? Because with stuff like this its rarely only holidays where girls are expected to put themselves last if thats the dynamic

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 12:07

Omg is he her biological father? Does he have a bond with her? He sounds awful.

ReneBumsWombats · 31/07/2022 12:09

I think your husband is the one who needs to take a hike.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/07/2022 12:09

If she's having to go to toilet suddenly with an upset tummy, being 3 hours up a mountain is the worst place to be! Believe me, I've done it.

He's an ignorant pig. But I bet if he's gets man flu he'll take to his bed for a week...

Horrible. Good for you for staying with DD.

Reallenow · 31/07/2022 12:13

YANBU. My ex boyfriend was an athlete but in a really relaxed “join in if you like but if you don’t want to it’s OK” way. We had several group holidays with his friends and girlfriends and there were a couple of super competitive, passive aggressive types whose girlfriends had to cheerlead them, join in everything and never complain. It was actually painful to watch them not get how selfish and annoying it is to be forced into physical activity. Needless to say, at least one of those people ended up single.

I hope you DD feels better soon

BatshitCrazyWoman · 31/07/2022 12:24

You absolutely made the right decision to stay with your DD, OP. But are you seeing your DH in a different light, now you know he thought it was okay to just leave her on her own?

When I was about 12 or 13, I collapsed, dramatically 😂, in a hotel restaurant in Tunisia. Heat exhaustion. The staff had seen it all before, and covered me with ice packs and made sure I came round and was okay. Don't go out in the sun today, they said to my parents. Let her stay in the cool of the hotel (my parents, particularly my Dad, were sun worshippers. I am not). What did we do that day? Went to the fucking beach. Because my Dad didn't want to 'spoil' his holiday. Wouldn't let me stay in my room in the cool and read, eve though I felt dreadful. Never forgotten that. Your DD will remember you prioritised her. Hope she's better soon.

Definitelyrandom · 31/07/2022 12:30

TBF she might well have perked up once she was out in the fresh air and if not then you could’ve come back. Our DSs loved going out walking on holiday and would’ve been thoroughly unimpressed by a poolside holiday.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 31/07/2022 12:35

Even if your kids did choose this shite holiday, it is not appropriate for them to be walking in this heat. No wonder she is sick. You have both been reckless.

Hours of exercise in the heat is stupid and dangerous for anyone, especially children. I am a big fan of making kids walk and run, but not in the heat.

mam0918 · 31/07/2022 12:39

Abandoning a sick 10 year old alone in a hotel... pretty sure that would be neglect and is illegal.

Also your 'holiday' sounds like my literally idea of HELL.

An endurance challenge is not a holiday especially not for kids.

Beelezebub · 31/07/2022 12:45

So he’s sulky, petulant, stroppy, manipulative, and does a fine turn in doing/saying anything necessary to get his own way.

Which is the child again?

He sounds utterly insufferable.

I’d be wanting to tell him that he’s right, it’s no holiday and leave his whinging arse there. Let him walk home if he loves it so much.

girlfromtheloch · 31/07/2022 12:48

Your husband is being profoundly selfish. Saying your daughter has no ambition because she’s feeling ill and doesn’t want to walk up a mountain? I don’t think that’s how most people define ‘ambition’.
It sounds like you’re all on a holiday doing exactly what your husband wants to do, not what everyone else wants to do and he has no compassion for your daughter. He’s actually being very cruel.
I used to go on long walks with my family, all driven by my father’s desire for us all to reach the peaks. I love walking now but as a child I didn’t enjoy it. I would do it to keep him happy but those walks were all about him and nothing about us as children. I really feel for your daughter.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 31/07/2022 12:51

It would be rather wonderful if he got the bug during his walk today. 🦠😈

diddl · 31/07/2022 12:51

She has no ambition??!!

Bloody hell.

I can't find the words to describe how hasty he sounds.

He's still able to do the walk so what the fuck does it matter?

TokyoSushi · 31/07/2022 13:08

Not RTFT but that holiday sounds horrendous OP!

You're absolutely right to stay with DD!

BellePeppa · 31/07/2022 13:10

Why are so many men in marriages such twats? Makes me glad to stay single.

Summerslam · 31/07/2022 13:11

BatshitCrazyWoman · 31/07/2022 12:24

You absolutely made the right decision to stay with your DD, OP. But are you seeing your DH in a different light, now you know he thought it was okay to just leave her on her own?

When I was about 12 or 13, I collapsed, dramatically 😂, in a hotel restaurant in Tunisia. Heat exhaustion. The staff had seen it all before, and covered me with ice packs and made sure I came round and was okay. Don't go out in the sun today, they said to my parents. Let her stay in the cool of the hotel (my parents, particularly my Dad, were sun worshippers. I am not). What did we do that day? Went to the fucking beach. Because my Dad didn't want to 'spoil' his holiday. Wouldn't let me stay in my room in the cool and read, eve though I felt dreadful. Never forgotten that. Your DD will remember you prioritised her. Hope she's better soon.

That is abuse!! I'm surprised the hotel didn't intervene - although I guess they had no direct duty of care. Your parents should never have taken a child, sick with heatstroke, to the beach of all places. I am outraged on your behalf.

MistyBean · 31/07/2022 13:11

There are no words for him wanting to leave your daughter alone.

As for the holiday in general ..That's a lot of walking in hot weather for anyone, let alone a ten year old. Your husband sounds like a xxxx

MsRosley · 31/07/2022 13:11

👏

toomuchlaundry · 31/07/2022 13:15

What sort of holiday would your DD choose? This sounds like a holiday mainly for DH and DS

Wombat27A · 31/07/2022 13:16

My dog refused to walk on the 2nd day of a holiday. Being a responsible owner, I looked after her, as there was clearly something wrong...

She's a dog & knows to look after herself when hurt or ill. I hope your DD is allowed the same care & attention. Being taught to please some arse bloke to your own detriment is not a good lesson.

My DH walks, I did too when younger & stupider, so know how it can be...

BellePeppa · 31/07/2022 13:16

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/07/2022 10:10

Here's to hoping that he ends up puking and shitting himself just as he gets to the top of the peak, them.

That would be poetic justice 😁