I don't wanna go anymore. I changed my mind.

[NutellaEllaElla]

Ages ago I agreed to go to an event with 3 other people, cost £55 a person already paid. It's not an event I care much about but my DH and the others (his friends) do. Just today I realised it's in the evening tomorrow (not convinced I knew this when I initially agreed) and we won't be due home until 11pm. I have a full on busy day at work on Monday, I know i'll be tired and irritable as I am a morning person and i'll be cold, tired and fed up. So i've changed my mind and don't want to go. DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go.

AIBU. and WWYD.

@ancientgran The OP.

Strange, I think her husband is the big baby.

Christ, it’s not like the OP is pulling out of someone’s wedding when her meal has been paid for.

The event is irrelevant IMO - she's still pulling out at the last minute.

Everyone saying “it’s rude” “it’s hurtful” get a bloody grip of yourselves. People are allowed to change their minds!

Of course, but that doesn't mean it's not bloody rude to do so at the last minute. I don't really care if you think that means I need to 'get a grip'. It's a horrible feeling to be ditched last minute, especially when you it's because they can't be arsed rather than because they're genuinely unable to come.

Why on earth would you rather someone attends an event they’d be miserable at?

If someone was going to be miserable, they shouldn't accept the invite to begin with, should they? I mean, I wouldn't care if a friend said "you know what, sport isn't my cup of tea so I'll sit this one out", but it's just shitty to accept an invite (knowing it's not your thing to begin with) and then proceed to ditch everyone on the day because you've decided you can't be bothered.

Nah, the OP is the flake.

It doesn't matter if he can cope without her - the whole point was to go together!

Commonwealth Games? Oh my gosh, it's going to be amazing! The atmosphere looks brilliant in all the areas I've seen.

I'm glued to the telly and would LOVE to experience it live!

How can you NOT want to go to such a unique home event and enjoy?!?! Life is for living and you will have fantastic memories!

How odd, I thought the point of going to witness the Commonwealth Games was to witness the Commonwealth Games. If he isn't interested in them maybe they should give the tickets to a couple of real sports fans who couldn't get tickets and they could go out to something they'd both enjoy.

Maybe the OP could give you her ticket?

It's also about the company and experiencing it as a couple (for me, anyway).

I'd be hurt if I had tickets to a big-ticket event with DH and he ditched me on the day because he couldn't be arsed to go anymore.

If he didn't want to go to begin with, that's different as I could have just made plans with a friend in the first place.

Well that would be up to that (fictitious) person to decide, wouldn’t it? And perhaps someone who had to get up at 4am would have the sense to check if the event would finish late - something the OP ‘isn’t sure’ she knew when she agreed to go.

Don't go if you don't want to.

Next time don't agree to anything on a Sunday night, or take a day off work the next day.

I hate going out on a school night. I mean I really hate it. I dread it all week if I have to do something late at night when there will be work the next day.

When I ducked out at the last minute recently - preferring a quiet time at home on my own - nobody has remembered that I wasn't there. On the photos my DH said "Toes must be taking the photo" - but I wasn't there. I was in my candle lit bubble bath at home.

I used to have a friend that had form for bailing out in the day because they couldn’t be bothered.

Note that I said used to - I soon ended that friendship because I was fed up with their flakieness. Different with a partner as you are less likely to drop them for this but I certainly would be pissed off

No the event is very relevant here. So what if she’s pulling out last minute? OP is an adult, with her own mind. If she doesn’t want to go. She doesn’t have to go. It’s simple.

It's a horrible feeling to be ditched last minute

Who has she ditched? Her DH isn’t going alone… I would feel horrible trying to coerce someone into coming to something they want to come to.

Seriously how much of a shitty person do you have to be to try and make someone feel bad about dropping out of something.

If someone was going to be miserable, they shouldn't accept the invite to begin with

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS.

and then proceed to ditch everyone on the day because you've decided you can't be bothered.

”Ditch everyone”. You sound very insecure here. How is not going to something “ditching everyone”? There’s 3 people still attending. If OP doesn’t go, there’s 1 spare ticket than another friend could use.

Get. A. Grip.

No the event is very relevant here. So what if she’s pulling out last minute? OP is an adult, with her own mind. If she doesn’t want to go. She doesn’t have to go. It’s simple.

I don't agree. You don't make plans with people and then ditch them at the last minute - it's rude, whether it's a coffee with friends, a wedding or a sports event. It's just not a nice way to behave.

Who has she ditched? Her DH isn’t going alone… I would feel horrible trying to coerce someone into coming to something they want to come to.

Nobody's being coerced into doing anything, though, are they? Being expected to stick to the plans YOU chose to make doesn't mean you're being "coerced" lol.

It also doesn't matter that her DH isn't going alone - she's still wants to pull out of their plans at the last minute 'cause she can't be bothered.

Seriously how much of a shitty person do you have to be to try and make someone feel bad about dropping out of something.

It's not "being a shitty person" to expect people to stick to the arrangements they chose to make, lol. What's shitty is deciding to cancel on people last-minute because you can't be bothered anymore.

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS.

Yep, of course they are, but that doesn't mean they're not rude or flaky when they do so.

”Ditch everyone”. You sound very insecure here. How is not going to something “ditching everyone”? There’s 3 people still attending. If OP doesn’t go, there’s 1 spare ticket than another friend could use.*

It's nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with it being rude to cancel on people at the last minute. It's irrelevant that there are other people attending. The point was to attend as a couple, otherwise they wouldn't have bought two tickets.

Get. A. Grip.

I don't need to get a grip, lol. Luckily my friends and my DH are decent people and don't cancel plans last-minute just because they can't be arsed.

@NutellaEllaElla Are you going or not?
If it's just the CG I wouldn't bother unless it's Cricket

I don't agree. You don't make plans with people and then ditch them at the last minute - it's rude, whether it's a coffee with friends, a wedding or a sports event. It's just not a nice way to behave.

What’s the obsession with being “ditched”? Sounds like a victim mentality here. It’s very self-absorbed.
The OP has stated there are 3 other people attending the event. She has not ditched anyone.

It's not "being a shitty person" to expect people to stick to the arrangements they chose to make, lol. What's shitty is deciding to cancel on people last-minute because you can't be bothered anymore.

If a friend no longer wanted to come to event with me and others because they have changed their mind, I would be feel absolutely awful if I tried to make them come. Wether that be guilt tripping them, calling them “flakey”, telling them they’re “rude”. I just wouldn’t dream of it. It IS shitty behaviour to tell someone they should stick to arrangements. This isn’t North Korea. OP can do whatever she wants to do.

It's nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with it being rude to cancel on people at the last minute. It's irrelevant that there are other people attending. The point was to attend as a couple, otherwise they wouldn't have bought two tickets.

No it’s totally relevant that there are other people attending. You DO sound so insecure. It’s very weird.

I don't need to get a grip, lol. Luckily my friends and my DH are decent people and don't cancel plans last-minute just because they can't be arsed.

God forbid one of them happens to change their mind before a group outing and ditches you. How would you cope????

I hate it when people flake out very close to the event, especially if it's a small group. It's just another example of people thinking that their feelings are more important than the people they impact. I wouldn't talk someone into coming, but once they've said yes it's just common courtesy to stick with it imo.

Because I think the OP is entitled to do what she wants? She's hurting no one, her husband can go with his friends. He's a big boy he can enjoy what he enjoys and she can enjoy what she enjoys. You can't force people to do what you want.

We can't all go through life doing whatever the fuck we want and ignoring social graces. It'd be a fairly unpleasant world if we did.

Dropping out at the last minute because you can't be arsed is rude.

It's just another example of people thinking that their feelings are more important than the people they impact

Of course their feelings are more important to them. Why on earth would a group of people expect someone to show up to an event they don’t want to go to? It’s utterly ridiculous and a primary school mentality.

People are allowed to change their minds. In this situation, the OP isn’t hurting anyone. They aren’t leaving anyone alone. They aren’t leaving anyone to pick up the costs.

I thank my lucky stars that my friends and family would never call me rude or flakey or try and make me feel bad for cancelling on a group event last minute.

Being a people pleaser is a really negative trait. Everyone deserves to have their own mind and own choices.

I'd say don't go. Not attending something because you don't want to is a valid decision to make. I don't t attend anything I don't want to unless it's for my children.

We can't all go through life doing whatever the fuck we want and ignoring social graces. It'd be a fairly unpleasant world if we did.

We absolutely can. Fuck “social graces”. If I feel like I’m not in the mood to attend an event, or if I just don’t feel like going. I’m not going to go. If the other people can’t enjoy themselves without my presence, then that’s their problem.

Including continuing to invite people who don't show up. Of course the OP can do as she wants but actions have consequences. People tend not to put themselves out for people who let them down.

Wasting your life doing things you don't want to do is pathetic. Life's too bloody short to waste an evening sitting at some boring event that doesn't interest you, never mind the fact that spectators get injured and end up needing medical attention. I wonder if any of them went because they "had to" and how they feel if they did.

Do you get many repeat invites with this attitude?