Page 10 | I don't wanna go anymore. I changed my mind.

NutellaEllaElla · 2022-07-30T21:50:14+00:00

Ages ago I agreed to go to an event with 3 other people, cost £55 a person already paid. It's not an event I care much about but my DH and the others (his friends) do. Just today I realised it's in the evening tomorrow (not convinced I knew this when I initially agreed) and we won't be due home until 11pm. I have a full on busy day at work on Monday, I know i'll be tired and irritable as I am a morning person and i'll be cold, tired and fed up. So i've changed my mind and don't want to go. DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go. AIBU. and WWYD.

CatsandFish · 01/08/2022 21:26

Good on you OP. Sometimes you need to put yourself first. If you really don't want to go to something you shouldn't have to. I'm glad it worked out for you.

FlissyPaps · 01/08/2022 21:37

Absolutely wild the amount of the people who still think the OP is being unreasonable 😂

Pure control freaks.

Augustmummy · 01/08/2022 22:00

I voted you were being unreasonable but after reading what the event actually was, I'm right there with you at home lol - couldn't think of anything worse ha ha :)

Ineke · 01/08/2022 22:19

I would be inclined to go, even if I didn’t really want to. Just out of courtesy to DH really, and also because you may have a good time. If you don’t like it, you can then put it down to experience and know in future but I always think it’s good to do things as a couple if you can if that what was originally planned. On the other hand, my DH has often changed his mind and not come to an event with me, it’s disappointing but at the same time, if he is not going to be enjoying it, I wouldn’t be either so better for me to go alone and have a good time without worrying that he isn’t.

leannetta · 02/08/2022 09:48

There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to do anything you don’t want to. It’s your timing that is amiss.

I’m a grumpy, unsociable cowbag, and use that very phrase when I turn people down. But I generally always say no from the outset. At times I have changed my mind, and often can still attend. If I can’t, that’s my loss and I’m happy to take that on the chin. But it’s much easier that way round.

I am fortunate that my friends understand me. But they always know where they stand. Saying you’ll go, then pulling out is just a bit rude in my opinion.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 02/08/2022 11:49

Some really weird people on this comment section.

Stay at home and Pooh the bed.

You sound like my toddler.

The title saying ‘wanna’ says it all.

And only a few pages in.

What actually goes on his people’s heads to think oh I’ll just be a cunt, that will upset OP yea I’ll say that 🤦🏼‍♀️

She’s asking advice, she has to work the next day and changed her mind, she isn’t the devil ffs can people think before they say such weird stuff?

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 11:52

This thread was a drip-feed. The first post made it seem like the husband wanted to her to go then, a few posts later, he was fine with her not going.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/08/2022 12:39

Itsbritneybitch22 · 02/08/2022 11:49

Some really weird people on this comment section.

Stay at home and Pooh the bed.

You sound like my toddler.

The title saying ‘wanna’ says it all.

And only a few pages in.

What actually goes on his people’s heads to think oh I’ll just be a cunt, that will upset OP yea I’ll say that 🤦🏼‍♀️

She’s asking advice, she has to work the next day and changed her mind, she isn’t the devil ffs can people think before they say such weird stuff?

She asked; people answered. It’s how a forum works.

The ‘poo the bed’ comment was deleted, so why you’re telling everyone else on the thread that they’re weird because of one post, I don’t know. Also, if you’re so worried about upsetting people, maybe don’t dismiss anyone who disagrees with the OP as a cunt?

IVbumble · 02/08/2022 12:49

saraclara · 01/08/2022 20:16

Except you've made it a problem for them. How is that okay?

If you change your mind about something, you let others know in time for it not to be (too much of) a problem for them. Unless you're a sociopath with neither empathy nor care for anyone else.

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None of us are responsible for how anyone else feels - we can only be responsible for how we feel.

Therefore if someone changes their mind to do or not do something and someone else has a problem with that it's their problem and they can decide to be annoyed about it or let it go. Mostly it's wise to let it go.

We are all free to choose.

IVbumble · 02/08/2022 12:51

Goldbar · 01/08/2022 20:33

Is there a cut off point for this?

So if I'm meant to be meeting a friend for dinner, is it OK for me just to message "Sorry didn't feel like it" when I get a text from her asking where I am? Or should I at least tell her before she would otherwise be leaving for the restaurant? Or in the morning so she has time to get in food/make other arrangements for dinner? Or a few days beforehand so she can make other plans or invite another friend?

Or is it fine for me just not to turn up and not even bother messaging at all? Because I don't feel like it?

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I guess if you leave it really late in the day to change you mind or not notify anyone that you've changed your mind then that person might have to choose whether to remain friends with you or not however you still always retain the right to change your mind at any time.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 02/08/2022 13:32

@NutellaEllaElla lock down was once a thing, tiredness will come and go embrace being allowed out and trips out with friends waste no time having fun. Work will always replace you remember that.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 02/08/2022 13:38

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/08/2022 12:39

She asked; people answered. It’s how a forum works.

The ‘poo the bed’ comment was deleted, so why you’re telling everyone else on the thread that they’re weird because of one post, I don’t know. Also, if you’re so worried about upsetting people, maybe don’t dismiss anyone who disagrees with the OP as a cunt?

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@WomanStanleyWoman2

It wasn’t just the 1 comment was it.

And yes advice… not asked to be spoke to like this, if people don’t want to be called what they’re acting like, don’t act like it.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/08/2022 13:44

You mean like if you don’t want to be accused of acting like a toddler, they shouldn’t throw a tantrum because they ‘don’t wanna go’?

SleepingAgent · 02/08/2022 15:35

IVbumble · 01/08/2022 20:11

Anyone is allowed to change their mind about something without even giving an 'excuse'.

It's ok to change your mind & if anyone else has a problem with it then that's their problem to deal with not yours.

So selfish. No thought to how the other person/people will feel being let down last minute? So it's absolutely fine to just totally waste their time, money and effort to meet up/go to an event/travel etc?

Horrible attitude, treating other people as disposable. Quite sociopathic if taken to the logical extreme of this.

ancientgran · 02/08/2022 16:46

SleepingAgent · 02/08/2022 15:35

So selfish. No thought to how the other person/people will feel being let down last minute? So it's absolutely fine to just totally waste their time, money and effort to meet up/go to an event/travel etc?

Horrible attitude, treating other people as disposable. Quite sociopathic if taken to the logical extreme of this.

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She wasted her money as she bought the ticket, it didn't waste their time as they spent exactly the same time watching an event they wanted to watch. They are 3 adults, I'm sure they will cope with someone deciding they don't want to go.

IVbumble · 02/08/2022 17:54

Ok let's say it's sex then - I might say yes to begin with but then I change my mind. Is it selfish to ask the other person to stop?

Perhaps I should allow them to continue - just in case they might think I'm selfish! Ffs.

DangerouslyBored · 02/08/2022 18:51

Sounds awful. And on a Monday as if Mondays aren’t bad enough! I wouldn’t go, life is too short.

I used to say yes to stuff booked well in advance all the time. My thinking was that it’s so far off, it’ll never happen

Except the event always rolls around and I find myself with acceptance regret. So, now I say a flat out ‘no’ and appear unsociable but rather that flaky 🤷🏻‍♀️

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/08/2022 19:03

ancientgran · 02/08/2022 16:46

She wasted her money as she bought the ticket, it didn't waste their time as they spent exactly the same time watching an event they wanted to watch. They are 3 adults, I'm sure they will cope with someone deciding they don't want to go.

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@ancientgran What about if someone decided to go out for the evening, planned it so she could be home in time for her supermarket delivery slot from 10 - 11pm, but then got a call at 8.30 from the driver asking if he could deliver now? Would you tell her she should do what she wants and not go home early to accommodate him?

DonnaBanana · 02/08/2022 19:13

I read more of this thread than I should and I find it very odd how the idea of consent changes when it's a social event versus more personal matters.

It is always okay for you to change your mind about doing something and no, the other person does not have the right to sulk about it. They can be disappointed, they can ditch you as a friend. But you have full autonomy over both your body and time and that, at a minimum, should be respected, especially by a DP. Trying to pressure OP into doing something she doesn't want to do is grim and sets up a bad precedent for autonomy.

BigFatLiar · 02/08/2022 19:50

DonnaBanana · 02/08/2022 19:13

I read more of this thread than I should and I find it very odd how the idea of consent changes when it's a social event versus more personal matters.

It is always okay for you to change your mind about doing something and no, the other person does not have the right to sulk about it. They can be disappointed, they can ditch you as a friend. But you have full autonomy over both your body and time and that, at a minimum, should be respected, especially by a DP. Trying to pressure OP into doing something she doesn't want to do is grim and sets up a bad precedent for autonomy.

The event is over. Quick summary.

OP was the one who was fretting about letting her partner down. She spoke to him and he was fine with it. The worry and drama was in her head.