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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't wanna go anymore. I changed my mind.

245 replies

NutellaEllaElla · 30/07/2022 22:50

Ages ago I agreed to go to an event with 3 other people, cost £55 a person already paid. It's not an event I care much about but my DH and the others (his friends) do. Just today I realised it's in the evening tomorrow (not convinced I knew this when I initially agreed) and we won't be due home until 11pm. I have a full on busy day at work on Monday, I know i'll be tired and irritable as I am a morning person and i'll be cold, tired and fed up. So i've changed my mind and don't want to go. DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go.

AIBU. and WWYD.

OP posts:
sunsetsandsandybeaches · 31/07/2022 11:57

Goldbar · 31/07/2022 11:51

It goes both ways, doesn't it?

Don't ditch others unless you're happy to be ditched yourself.

Exactly.

OP - cancel if you like, but you then can't be surprised or annoyed when DH turns round and does the same thing to you next time you have plans.

Original poster
NutellaEllaElla · 31/07/2022 12:06

Gymnopedie · 31/07/2022 11:54

The thread title sums it up for me - I don't wanna go. Not 'want to'. I can only hear it in my head said by a three year old, along with 'S'not fair' and foot stamping.

Well sure it was a tongue in cheek nod to the toddler sounding pouty don't wanna go vibe but would it legitimately have made a difference of I had written "I no longer wish to attend"?!

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 31/07/2022 12:07

DonateBloodNCheckSmokeAlarms · 30/07/2022 23:35

Will your DH have to lie on your behalf about why you aren't there? "She cba" probably won't cut it!

But as it's true then that's what he should say! There will come a time in the future when he doesn't feel like doing something he promised and this will come back to bite the OP, though of course, he would be wrong!

Original poster
NutellaEllaElla · 31/07/2022 12:09

If in the future he didn't want to come to some event that was much more up my alley than his, plus I have my friends for company, then I'm not sure I'd want him to come?

OP posts:
Mrsmch123 · 31/07/2022 12:27

your an adult you get to decide if you go or not. Likewise you can pull out....just expect the invitations from everyone to dwindle🤷🏻‍♀️

MeenzAmRhoi · 31/07/2022 12:29

xyzabchij · 31/07/2022 11:00

^*You sound like a big baby/toddler.

Stay at home and poo the bed instead. They'll have more fun without you, whatever it is.*^

This is now my favourite saying. Anytime someone says no to going anywhere I'll just say 'stay at home and poo the bed'.

🤣

FlissyPaps · 31/07/2022 12:30

Christ, it’s not like the OP is pulling out of someone’s wedding when her meal has been paid for. Everyone saying “it’s rude” “it’s hurtful” get a bloody grip of yourselves. People are allowed to change their minds! Why on earth would you rather someone attends an event they’d be miserable at?

Also for the ones saying “oh someone else could have had that ticket” … well private message the OP and ask to buy if off them then. Is it the end of the world if there’s an empty seat??

Jellywobblescobbles · 31/07/2022 12:34

honestly- don’t go. Your husband will have a good time with his mates. You can relax at home.

JosephineGH · 31/07/2022 12:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

brighterthanaluckypenny · 31/07/2022 12:36

I think you should suck it up and go this time, but use this as a lesson to stop agreeing to do things you don't want to do. I'm willing to bet you didn't really want to go when you said yes, and if you'd been honest with yourself, you would have known you'd get increasingly less enthusiastic the closer to the date it got.

Jellywobblescobbles · 31/07/2022 12:37

I honestly don’t see the problem in you not going.

MalagaNights · 31/07/2022 12:38

God what a fuss some of you make.

In my house this would go:

Me - I'm not sure if I can be arsed with going tonight.

DH - oh why?

Me - it sounds like a lot of hassle, it's going to be late, I've got a busy day Monday and I'm not that bothered tbh.

DH - oh ok.

DH goes with friends and tells them: malaga isn't coming as she didn't want a late night and has a lot on Monday and wasn't that bothered.

Friends - oh ok.

Hallamus · 31/07/2022 12:38

@MalagaNights exactly!

Commonwealth games - no fucking way for me personally. I cannot tolerate being bored for that long.

Luredbyapomegranate · 31/07/2022 12:39

It’s up to you.

But don’t make a habit of it.

GrowlingManchego · 31/07/2022 12:41

I agree with Malaga too. But going forward, try to check out the details thoroughly for events before agreeing to them. It will save angst and money.

Panatone · 31/07/2022 12:49

What a big whiny baby. Jeez, I can’t stand flakes!

Original poster
NutellaEllaElla · 31/07/2022 12:51

It is fascinating how polarising this issue is!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 31/07/2022 12:51

No one has to go to something they don’t want to.

SleeplessInEngland · 31/07/2022 12:52

11’s not that late, don’t be ridiculous.

Jellywobblescobbles · 31/07/2022 12:52

It is fascinating. Thanks can be a bit of a flake, but ultimately in this case if op doesn’t want to go she isn’t actually letting anyone down is she?

Jellywobblescobbles · 31/07/2022 12:53

Oops don’t know why it says thanks there- meant to say I

ancientgran · 31/07/2022 12:59

NutellaEllaElla · 31/07/2022 12:09

If in the future he didn't want to come to some event that was much more up my alley than his, plus I have my friends for company, then I'm not sure I'd want him to come?

Exactly. If three people are going to an event that really interests them I can't imagine why they'd want someone else who wasn't interested to go along. What's the point?

dudsville · 31/07/2022 12:59

You've paid, yoour commitment has been fulfilled! I wouldn't go in your shoes. I recently attended an event I did not want to attend. I agreed because it was my OH's birthday and it was something he really wanted to do and I was the only one going with him, of course I wouldn't drop out of that. I ended up haveing a fine time, enjoyed it more than anticipated. However, this sounds entirely different, he has a friend going with him? It's not a birthday ro soemthing he really wants you to share as a couple? Don't go!

FlissyPaps · 31/07/2022 13:00

SleeplessInEngland · 31/07/2022 12:52

11’s not that late, don’t be ridiculous.

Would it be late to someone who had to get up at 4:00am for work?

ancientgran · 31/07/2022 13:00

Panatone · 31/07/2022 12:49

What a big whiny baby. Jeez, I can’t stand flakes!

Who? The grown adult who can't manage to go out with 2 friends unless his wife holds his hand or the adult who exercises their right to stay home?