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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't wanna go anymore. I changed my mind.

245 replies

NutellaEllaElla · 30/07/2022 22:50

Ages ago I agreed to go to an event with 3 other people, cost £55 a person already paid. It's not an event I care much about but my DH and the others (his friends) do. Just today I realised it's in the evening tomorrow (not convinced I knew this when I initially agreed) and we won't be due home until 11pm. I have a full on busy day at work on Monday, I know i'll be tired and irritable as I am a morning person and i'll be cold, tired and fed up. So i've changed my mind and don't want to go. DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go.

AIBU. and WWYD.

OP posts:
Lalliella · 30/07/2022 23:39

It’s rude to commit to something and then not go.

It’s rude to pull out of something last minute.

Do you want to be a flakey, unreliable person? If so then crack on.

GabriellaMontez · 30/07/2022 23:42

If you don't mind getting the same treatment from him sometime soon...

theinvisible1 · 30/07/2022 23:45

My ex-DH used to bail on things a lot, often on the day of the event (family day trips, visits to parents etc) and I felt really unsupported and unimportant

Lomex · 30/07/2022 23:48

I think it's rude and I'd be really unimpressed if my husband did this to me. Totally different if he said he had no interest in going in the first place (in which case I'd have made plans which didn't involve him also attending) but if he'd agreed to it and had a ticket, then pulling out the day before wouldn't be on. You should go and try to make the best of it.

Hapoydayz · 30/07/2022 23:49

Why would you be cold? Sounds like you are making any feeble excuse. I would be furious if my DH did this to me.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/07/2022 23:53

I just don't think i'll enjoy it.

Why did you agree to go and pay for a ticket in the first place?

I'd think you were rude to cancel this late but up to you. 11pm really isn't that late once in a while.

Hallamus · 30/07/2022 23:54

Doesn't sound like you're that essential to the proceedings OP? If I didn't want to go that much I just wouldn't go.

Passmethecrisps · 30/07/2022 23:54

Forgive me if I have missed this but is anyone impacted upon by you not attending? Will your husband now have to drive and he was hoping to have a drink for example? Or sharing lifts? If the evening can continue as it would have without you I would be inclined not to go.

All the stuff about being tired and cold is likely really just you hyper focussing on the stuff that will make you even more miserable at an event you clearly don’t want to go to. If it was something you wanted to attend you would likely thole these things.

no impact on others don’t go but do get a shared family calendar.

RJnomore1 · 30/07/2022 23:55

My motto after lockdown is do it all while you can. Go!

Whoactuallythinksthat · 31/07/2022 00:03

Go. Flakiness is very annoying. Especially for a reason like, I won’t get home ‘til 11 and I’ll be tired in the morning. 11 is not late unless you’re a toddler.

knackeredagain · 31/07/2022 00:12

I get this. I hate starting my work week tired and the idea of starting off on Monday knackered and possibly hungover would be daunting.
However…. you agreed to it and presumably thought it was do-able when you booked it. I’d just go, enjoy it, and plan an early night on Monday.
I bet you’ll enjoy it once you’re out,

bridgetreilly · 31/07/2022 00:17

I think you ought to go, tbh.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 31/07/2022 00:28

I have got so much better at saying no to things that l don't want to do but the best time for that is straight away, not the night before!

Tough one op!

5foot5 · 31/07/2022 00:35

11pm isn't late as a one off. Hell I think I have had an early night if I go to bed the same day I got up

DoncasterHombre · 31/07/2022 00:43

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Idontwantthat · 31/07/2022 00:55

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What the fuck 😂

FlissyPaps · 31/07/2022 00:59

Some really harsh comments on here.

OP, life is too short to go to events that you don’t want to go to and be miserable. It’s not a life or death situation. Don’t go if you don’t want to. Don’t let anyone pressure you. Don’t feel bad for being “flakey”.

If you would rather stay home, do just that. Understanding and fair people will not judge you for that.

SherbertLemonDrop · 31/07/2022 01:01

You are being unreasonable you can be in bed by 11:30

FrecklesMalone · 31/07/2022 01:04

Life is short. Go at worst you'll not enjoy it and be a bit tired at best you will have a fun memorable night. Alternatively have a dull night at home.

Iflyaway · 31/07/2022 01:12

DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go.

The bliss of being divorced.

Sorry OP, not helpful, I know....

DappledOliveGroves · 31/07/2022 01:19

It would be bad manners to cancel. You agreed to go, so go.

DappledOliveGroves · 31/07/2022 01:20

It would be bad manners to cancel. You agreed to go, so go.

DoncasterHombre · 31/07/2022 01:24

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Wannago · 31/07/2022 02:05

I am often in your situation OP - DH is far more social than I am, but I know it is important to him and I agree to go to something, usually ages in advance so i can steel up the courage to go, and then it creeps up on me and suddenly it is the next day and I really don't feel like it.
But I do generally go. I may be your classic introvert, and DH your classic extrovert, but part of being your classic extrovert is that he wants me along with him at these kinds of events (and, for all I am not great at them, I am much better when he is there, as I let him lead all the small talk that I am so awful at, and only get involved when they start talking about something that actually interests me). I know that he really doesn't enjoy these events nearly so much when I am not there, I think that is part of the extrovert make up - just as he hates being alone in the house, whereas I am quite happy.
So to me it is one of the compromises that one makes to be married to someone who is different - and whose difference I really do value - including everything from being happy to complain about poor service (and handling it really well, whereas I struggle and probably won't) to just simply being able to negotiate a social scene. I guess I could have married another introvert, and we could have stayed on our sofas reading our books, but I think the balance is good for me and good for the kids, so I steel myself and I go (and often it is better than expected, and sometimes it isn't, but you take it for the team).

adorablecat · 31/07/2022 04:49

Of course you don't have to go anywhere, but it is generally considered rude to pull out of a social engagement at a late stage without a compelling reason. If you are bored you can always go off somewhere in your own head.