I don't wanna go anymore. I changed my mind.

[NutellaEllaElla]

Ages ago I agreed to go to an event with 3 other people, cost £55 a person already paid. It's not an event I care much about but my DH and the others (his friends) do. Just today I realised it's in the evening tomorrow (not convinced I knew this when I initially agreed) and we won't be due home until 11pm. I have a full on busy day at work on Monday, I know i'll be tired and irritable as I am a morning person and i'll be cold, tired and fed up. So i've changed my mind and don't want to go. DH is of the opinion that I agreed before and have to go.

AIBU. and WWYD.

YANBU, especially if you hadn't realized it would be on the evening and that makes you less keen to go.

Yes you're meeting some people but it's to watch an event. I don't think it's top level flaking out on a social commitment, to say you don't want to go and watch an event as you hadn't realized when it was on, didn't know about the travel/logistics involved etc.

I live in Birmingham BTW and it's mayhem.

The sensible time to assert your preferences is at the time of booking, not 36 hours before.

I've found in the past year that my sense of anticipation was broken by constant disruption in 2020/21, and now I don't get excited in advance and everything feels a bit of a logistical palaver, but not once have I regretted getting out and honouring commitments I made and it is gradually getting better.

You sound so childish.

This thread is really interesting with the different viewpoints.

Other than the really unavoidable things like going to work, I tend to just do what I like. I wouldn't feel remotely guilty about cancelling this arrangement as the DH has other mates he can still go with. It wouldn't bother me if a DP changed their mind either.

Why would you want someone dragging their heels to attend something when they don't want to? It sounds really controlling to me. I would rather my DP was at home doing what they wanted, leaving me to go and do what I wanted without them.

It’s the games, not a night out for dinner with another couple-you don’t need to go.

You absolutely don't HAVE to do anything. But, you agreed and paid for your ticket. To pull out now is pretty selfish in my opinion. I would be gutted if my husband did this to me.

It's not controlling to expect someone to stick with the commitments they've agreed to in advance.

Controlling would be forcing them to accept the invite in the first place when they've said they don't want to go.

It's really poor behaviour to agree to attend an event and then pull out at the last minute. It's rude, for starters, and incredibly
flaky behaviour, especially when your partner then has to go along and make excuses for you.

If DH and I were going out with friends and he pulled out because he "didn't wanna go" I would be pissed off and embarrassed at having to make excuses for him to my friends.

The decent thing to do is honour your commitment, or pull out far enough in advance that it's not an issue for the other guests.

You said you'd go and the ticket is paid for, so on balance I would go.

You don't have to go, but I think it would be rude not to. As adults we sometimes have to attend events we're not totally enthused about.

I said I'd go to some drinks tomorrow (Monday) night a couple of months ago, and I already really can't be arsed and it's only Sunday morning. But I'll go. Because I said I would and if I drop out there'll also only be three people instead of four. No, I don't have to go, but I will because it's the done thing.

I mean, of course she doesn't need to go but it's pretty rude to pull out on the morning of an event just because you "don't wanna go" anymore.

I would pull out of the next event involving her family, and just say I can't be arsed to go. Yep, I can be petty!

I hope you go OP. Yes you don't NEED to go but as others have said, I hope you don't expect DH to say no to things in future for silly reasons. Better to say you just won't enjoy it than say its cold? Or see if one of the groups mutual friends could take the ticket if possible. Shame to waste it.

OP you sound like my toddler, how old are you?

If you don't go you will be seen as flaky and rude, if you're fine with that then don't go.

I do think one needs to honour commitments, even if one doesn't feel like it. I consider that illness and family events are the only justifiable reasons not to go to something you've agreed to, and I've been let down too often by people whose reasons basically boiled down to them 'not feeling like it' or that they haven't planned things well and now it's minorly inconvenient to them to go.

In this case I'd be a bit more flexible, as at least there are 3 people definitely going and when people have paid you don't tend to have the problem whereby everyone pulls out at the last minute (another issue I've experienced).

Personally I'd go, but perhaps see how you feel tomorrow; I have to say on the times I've dragged myself out to honour an invitation, I've never regretted it.

Can you look at booking a driveway spot nearby if that makes it easier?

We have had to do that as we live nearly 3 hours away (we won’t get home until we’ll after midnight and we’ve got two children 😉) and we couldn’t find any affordable accommodation for that night.

If you can be home by 11pm, that’s not especially late and a rubbish excuse. If you don’t want to go, just own it rather than make excuses.

YABU. You made a commitment to go. The time at which you should have exercised your freedom of choice was when deciding whether or not to go.

It is flaky to renege on commitments just because you can't be arsed and if you do it too many times, you'll find that this problem will never arise again because people will stop bothering to ask you to things.

I'd be really annoyed at DH if he cancelled on me like that, especially so last minute. Suck it up and go.

You need to go. I honestly can't be bothered with folk who cancel at the last minute.,

Perhaps the fact that included in the post was a reference to pooing the bed?🤷‍♀️ maybe that was the ‘wtf laughing emoji’ moment?

But I think your post can win the award most obnoxious 😂 (laughing emoji).

Who said the OP's husband bullied anyone? The OP certainly didn't.

Talk about an imaginative leap.

OP, you should go, because you said you would. If you didn't want to go, the time to say that is when the subject first comes up. You're stuck with it now, I'm afraid.

I can't bear flakiness.

The irony of a rude poster calling out another poster for being rude. 🙄

If you can take the hit financially and your husband won’t be upset if you don’t go then don’t go.

Who honestly cares? I don’t understand people saying you’re childish. I think if you are usually flaky then that is different, but if it’s a one off then honestly I don’t see the problem. If my partner was going to be really disappointed I would go but I don’t think there’s any point in putting yourself through an event you don’t want to go to if no one is overly bothered.

YABU. You agreed to go.

If this was a poster coming here to say they'd had quite an expensive event booked for months and now DH had dropped out at the 11th hour because he couldn't be bothered, the DH in question would rightly be ripped to shreds.

The only person to blame for not realising the time and date until this point is you.

Suck it up and go, and next time think carefully about whether you really want to attend something right from the beginning.

HAHA what the actual fuck is wrong with you?! Imagine being a person who posts a comment like this.

YABU you’ve had ages ti decide to pull out but doing it the day before is very selfish.

You wanted to go enough to pay money for the tickets so it can’t be that awful.

Suck it up and put a positive spin on it.
I’m sure once you’re there you will enjoy yourself.