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AIBU?

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Original poster

Toddler left in her room 4 hours

167 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:12

Come at me if you don't like what I'm going to say

I started following this girl on Instagram because she was pregnant like me and 18 months on I am still following her

She has just left her daughter in her cot for a nap for 3 hours. Her daughter hasn't been asleep for that entire time. She has just been in her cot alone, in a dark room with white noise on in the middle of the day.

She finally fell asleep and then she woke her an hour later because it would disrupt her bedtime.

I don't care if you all think I'm a horrible judgemental person, at the end of the day she thinks this is so acceptable that she's put it up on the internet for everyone to see.

Is this not a form of child abuse? Like wtaf am I being unreasonable????? At this age this kid is meant to be learning about the world around her not spending FOUR HOURS in a room in the dark ALONE in the middle of the day.

If I am being unreasonable, I actually don't care. I want to cry for that poor, poor kid. Like should I say something before I unfollow her? Or is this how some parents just treat their children on a daily basis? Is this what sleep training is??

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 30/07/2022 21:15

That is horrible but some people seem to think it’s ok.
if the weren’t asleep within half an hour then let’s go play more. Poor kid must be so lonely.

PixellatedPixie · 30/07/2022 21:15

That definitely sounds like child abuse to me. How horrific! Did the child cry a lot of the time before she fell asleep?

MacKenzieMcHale · 30/07/2022 21:16

Come at you? 🙄

Heyisforhorses · 30/07/2022 21:16

Was the child crying? If you've followed til now and had no issues it's obviously not regular. I absolutely loved the days I got a 4 hour stint, they were rare but I didn't even blink in case I woke them! You are being judgemental, unfollow her and I hope if you do tell her your feelings that shes isnt too hurt and impacted by them. As I say if its not regular, today could be a bad day for her.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/07/2022 21:17

Wtf- that’s so cruel-don’t follow parents on insta there’s too many things that will wind you up

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/07/2022 21:19

"Come at me if you don't like what I'm going to say"

There's no need to start your thread off so aggressively

FWIW I don't think you are BU and if I were you I'd just unfollow.

110APiccadilly · 30/07/2022 21:21

Was the toddler unhappy? DD doesn't always nap in the day any more (normally, but not always). When she doesn't she's usually quite happy to be left in her cot chatting to her teddies though. If she is, then I'll leave her there for an hour or so; she gets some down time even if she doesn't nap. Three hours is longer than I'd leave her, but I do think there's a big difference between a child being happily left to their own devices and an upset child.

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:22

Should I say something to her or not?

Normally I wouldn't say anything I would just unfollow. But I feel so upset for that poor kid. Maybe she doesn't realise how shocking this is?

Do you think it would make a difference?

OP posts:
Cinnabomb · 30/07/2022 21:22

im not sure I understand what happened? You mean she left her toddler to cry it out? My toddler 23 months occasionally needs a long nap, she zonks out and quite regularly has 3 hours, she would have 4 sometimes if I didn’t wake her up. She also sleeps 12 hours at night, she needs it. So that’s about 15 hours a day or more she’s “in a dark room by herself” but sleep is just as important for brain development. She gets plenty of stimulation but she needs sleep to balance that out!

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:23

@Cinnabomb her daughter was wide awake for 3 hours laid in her cot in a dark room with white noise.

OP posts:
laalaaland · 30/07/2022 21:24

It really depends on the child's reaction - if she was left screaming, or even just calling out for attention etc, then yes, I'd agree, very wrong. If she was happily chilling out, the fine.

I can't actually believe any 18m old would be happy chilling out for any length of time alone!

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:24

110APiccadilly · 30/07/2022 21:21

Was the toddler unhappy? DD doesn't always nap in the day any more (normally, but not always). When she doesn't she's usually quite happy to be left in her cot chatting to her teddies though. If she is, then I'll leave her there for an hour or so; she gets some down time even if she doesn't nap. Three hours is longer than I'd leave her, but I do think there's a big difference between a child being happily left to their own devices and an upset child.

No toys, in the dark, empty cot with white noise. Wide awake.

OP posts:
canyoutoleratethis · 30/07/2022 21:25

OP, you are withholding a vital piece of information that will mean the difference between shockingly awful parenting, and perfectly acceptable parenting.... was the child crying????

Georgeandzippyzoo · 30/07/2022 21:26

A child not distressed does not mean a happy/comfortable child. Some children who are left alone a lot will NOT cry for attention because they know their 'caregiver' doesn't comfort them or respond to their needs.

pinkunicorns54 · 30/07/2022 21:27

If they weren't crying, then it's ok, definitely not child abuse!

I wouldn't leave my toddler that long if they weren't asleep, but perhaps they looked like they were?

How do you know they weren't asleep for that time? I'm presuming they didn't put the whole 3 hours on instagram?

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:27

laalaaland · 30/07/2022 21:24

It really depends on the child's reaction - if she was left screaming, or even just calling out for attention etc, then yes, I'd agree, very wrong. If she was happily chilling out, the fine.

I can't actually believe any 18m old would be happy chilling out for any length of time alone!

She wasn't crying. She was just on her own in her cot in the dark wide awake.

Do you think because she wasn't crying that it is ok and I'm over reacting?

OP posts:
DosmammasTTC · 30/07/2022 21:28

I'm confused, how did you know it was four hours? Was the whole thing filmed? Do you know for definite she lay their awake for 3 hours and only slept the last hour, was this on a livestream or something?

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:28

pinkunicorns54 · 30/07/2022 21:27

If they weren't crying, then it's ok, definitely not child abuse!

I wouldn't leave my toddler that long if they weren't asleep, but perhaps they looked like they were?

How do you know they weren't asleep for that time? I'm presuming they didn't put the whole 3 hours on instagram?

Because she said that she had been wide awake for 3 hours and showed clips of her in her cot

OP posts:
JustLyra · 30/07/2022 21:28

Why the reluctance to say if the child was crying or not?

it’s a pretty fundamental bit of information.

Meatshake · 30/07/2022 21:28

Was she screaming her tits off or was she contently doing her own thing, relaxing and dozing?

I used to leave my daughter in her cot with white noise when she wasn't asleep otherwise she would be really upset. As a 6 year old we've realised that an ADHD and ASD diagnosis look likely and that she needs that downtime with no demands.

It could be neglect, or it could just be parenting the child you've got.

canyoutoleratethis · 30/07/2022 21:29

@Georgeandzippyzoo the OP has said that they follow this woman on instagram and this is the first such post. A child who has 'given up' and doesn't cry when they're distressed has been neglected for a long period of time before getting to that point. This doesn't sound like the case here. But, I admit, I don't really understand what the hell this is all about

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:29

Georgeandzippyzoo · 30/07/2022 21:26

A child not distressed does not mean a happy/comfortable child. Some children who are left alone a lot will NOT cry for attention because they know their 'caregiver' doesn't comfort them or respond to their needs.

This is what I thought, that perhaps she doesn't cry because she doesn't think anyone will come

OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 30/07/2022 21:29

YANBU it’s absolute bullshit. I have a friend who does this with her 4 year old and 2 year and I think it’s extremely sad/mean.

JustLyra · 30/07/2022 21:30

If the child was happy then what’s the issue?

My 7yo still takes herself off for a couple of hours of quiet time every now and again. She either listens to music or a noise app (usually rain or a storm). She dropped her nap very young, but always had an hour at least of chilling listening to those (or occasionally an audio book). She’s have been wound up and foul without it.

I do the same sometimes when I just need quiet.

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 30/07/2022 21:31

JustLyra · 30/07/2022 21:28

Why the reluctance to say if the child was crying or not?

it’s a pretty fundamental bit of information.

I have already said, she wasn't crying. Not that the woman said or showed on camera anyway.

OP posts: