Toddler left in her room 4 hours

[RedRobyn2021]

Come at me if you don't like what I'm going to say

I started following this girl on Instagram because she was pregnant like me and 18 months on I am still following her

She has just left her daughter in her cot for a nap for 3 hours. Her daughter hasn't been asleep for that entire time. She has just been in her cot alone, in a dark room with white noise on in the middle of the day.

She finally fell asleep and then she woke her an hour later because it would disrupt her bedtime.

I don't care if you all think I'm a horrible judgemental person, at the end of the day she thinks this is so acceptable that she's put it up on the internet for everyone to see.

Is this not a form of child abuse? Like wtaf am I being unreasonable????? At this age this kid is meant to be learning about the world around her not spending FOUR HOURS in a room in the dark ALONE in the middle of the day.

If I am being unreasonable, I actually don't care. I want to cry for that poor, poor kid. Like should I say something before I unfollow her? Or is this how some parents just treat their children on a daily basis? Is this what sleep training is??

If she wasn't crying I wouldn't say that means it's ok, I would say potentially it means it happens so often she has learned that crying doesn't achieve anything and is potentially experiencing learned helplessness - for those in doubt, thats not good at all.

I find it hard to believe if it was the first time, that the kid would lie there quietly in the dark awake, doing nothing.

if something doesn't seem ok then it probably isn't ok.gut instinct is a wonderful thing and almost never ever let's you down.

Is she British? Does she live in the UK?

There could be a cultural aspect to take into account. 3hr naps are not uncommon in hot countries where children/toddlers/babies often go to bed much later at night than British children (and kids from cooler climates) but nap much longer during the day.

They sleep/rest during the hottest part of the day and then stay up until 10/11pm at night.

In School in Spain, for example, they have a 2hr lunch break between 1-3pm and they don't finish school until 5pm.

In Dubai seeing toddlers and families out and about at 9pm, or 10pm or even later is not in anyway unusual.

Something to think about anyway....

That's disgustingly wrong.

The fact she was left there for 3 hours wide awake is not normal. She clearly wasn't tired. I have about 20/30 minute cut off if DS doesn't want his nap he comes out of his room.

Somehow I think her laying there wide awake, not saying or doing anything, is a huge red flag itself! In the limited information, it screams deeply unhappy child. A child who knows their needs won’t be met even if they cry. They’ve not learned to self-soothe, they’ve just learned that nobody is coming. This is heartbreaking :(

I don't think that makes a point at all. To me not crying would have been worrying by itself.

I have 3 kids and they would not be quiet if left by themselves like that for that long

It's sounds so sad 😔 poor child

Some of the parenting on these live social media are shocking

It’s a rubbish thing to do. I know somebody who did this. Some people take advantage of their children’s placid natures and just leave them in cots for much longer than they should.

Yes one of mine as a baby would entertain themselves by verbalise for ages for hours .

The comparison with Romanian orphans living in their cot is ridiculous.Thus baby is only in his cot at night and at nap time
If seems the mother is trying to put the baby in a routine .

This!!

Is the fact that the person posted it and commented on the three hours not maybe indicative that this is not common?

before the days of monitors we were all plonked at the bottom of the garden in the pram (well I was!) and I would be collected when my mum was ready to collect me - I could have been bawling my eyes out. My point being that she (and we) knows that baby was awake because there was a video monitor and therefore baby was actually being checked on.

I don’t think it sounds ideal and to do this daily would be extremely questionable but if it’s a one of event where baby was safe and being checked in via the video I can’t see too much to think about.

in general I don’t think that the culture of “mum Instagram” has been helpful to anyone really

It was a one off event as mum was trying to get her child back to routine.

OP also knows there are other circumstances relating to the child which make life more challenging for the parent.

child was not upset but no that does not mean that the child never gets upset because of learned helplessness. What a conclusion to jump to.

the only abuse relating to that nap is this thread.

I think that is a bit off tbh. I’d leave toddler for no more than half an hour to settle or less if crying. There’s one thing having ‘quiet time’ being left in their bedroom to play with toys for as long as they are happy to, quite another to leave a toddler for 3 hours alone in the dark with no toys while not sleeping!

Can you explain the context in a non outing way?

Not abusive but pretty lazy parenting, especially if mum is spending all that time on instagram while her child is alone, awake and bored in a dark cot with white noise.

Maybe you've got the wrong end of the stick. For instance I say my daughter doesn't sleep and that's why I'm so tired but I don't mean she literally doesn't sleep I mean she has a lot of wake ups in the night. Chances are you've misinterpreted her.

Ds used to regularly zone rather than sleep he has autism and adhd he used the time to decompress ds2 does the same at age 9 puts on asmr channels and watches people chopping watermelons it allows his mind and body to relax usually im right next to him reading my book quietly its not neglect it's what he needs

We would generally get DD if she was crying and I think 20 mins is the longest we’ve left her and that’s not regular (like twice) so I don’t think you could possibly say she’s conditioned to not cry & she used to happily chat to her kitty every night for 2 hours in the middle of the night for about 6 months. Did not cry once, some kids are happy on their own.

I think you should mind your own business quite frankly.

I don’t think this is abuse.

My toddler takes a 2.75 hour nap very reliably at the same time each day. He does this in a dark room alone and with white noise. If he wasn’t falling asleep at his usual time but was happy/quiet, I’d leave him there for at least an hour because I’d assume he was extremely tired, needed to rest, and was about to fall asleep. I don’t think I’d let him go on for 3 hours like that but there’s a huge difference between something I wouldn’t do and something I’d consider child abuse.

She’s a fantastic mum and is doing her best. She would be horrified to see this account and is going through a lot with her LO right now.

Well it's not considered as ok by the majority & I don't know she's doing a brilliant job tbh. 4 hours is ages. We all need a break but surely she could go in a playpen or travel cot with toys or even just watch some CBeebies while Mum attempts to chill?

I think it’s fine. Kids at that age also need quiet downtime. My kids needed a good hour to wind down and fall asleep. Much like many of us do. I’d leave them if they were content and settling on their own. Kids don’t have to be stimulated 24/7

Wasn’t the child sleeping for some/bulk of it. It’s also not clear how the OP knows so much. Was there a live steam or something 😬

I think there is a lot of assumptions being made here with little context.