Toddler left in her room 4 hours

[RedRobyn2021]

Come at me if you don't like what I'm going to say

I started following this girl on Instagram because she was pregnant like me and 18 months on I am still following her

She has just left her daughter in her cot for a nap for 3 hours. Her daughter hasn't been asleep for that entire time. She has just been in her cot alone, in a dark room with white noise on in the middle of the day.

She finally fell asleep and then she woke her an hour later because it would disrupt her bedtime.

I don't care if you all think I'm a horrible judgemental person, at the end of the day she thinks this is so acceptable that she's put it up on the internet for everyone to see.

Is this not a form of child abuse? Like wtaf am I being unreasonable????? At this age this kid is meant to be learning about the world around her not spending FOUR HOURS in a room in the dark ALONE in the middle of the day.

If I am being unreasonable, I actually don't care. I want to cry for that poor, poor kid. Like should I say something before I unfollow her? Or is this how some parents just treat their children on a daily basis? Is this what sleep training is??

Are you sure she wasn’t exaggerating? What was the purpose of her sharing it?

My DD will happily lie down for over half an hour before falling asleep, this afternoon she woke up and lay there for another hour dozing on and off but waking for 15 mins in between.
It was obviously dark the whole time and white noise on too.

It's interesting how so many people are automatically jumping to abuse and cruelty when they haven't seen what's going on.

I don't think there's inherently anything wrong with encouraging quiet time in a dark room. In fact, I remember it being actively encouraged when I was small and in full-time childcare - lights out, curtains closed and we'd be encouraged to lie down after lunch and sleep. Even if we couldn't sleep, we'd not be allowed to talk or chat or play - it was "quiet time".

Isn't this essentially the same thing? Admittedly three hours is a long time, but mum was clearly around if she was able to share videos and photos of what was happening, so it's not like the toddler was locked up and abandoned!

I remember the pictures coming out about Romanian orphanages after the revolution. Children were left in their cots for long periods of time and used head banging etc as a distraction.
Some were adopted by families in the UK and assumed to have a degree of SEN then with plenty of stimulation they appeared to develop normally.
I also remember pictures of children in Chinese orphanages from the 1980s (mostly girls)and they were heartbreaking because the children were just left in cots for long periods of time and they did not bother crying because nobody came.

Your post makes me feel sad and uneasy. Alone in a dark room for maybe four hours in the middle of the day does not sound normal, especially if the child sleeps well at night. Sensory deprivation I agree. And then to say the poor child just lay there awake for hours before finally falling asleep and her mother then waking her up! Better to have taken her out in her buggy in the fresh air and letting her fall asleep naturally and either letting her nap there, or transferring her to her cot for a bit longer. Poor child.

Also yeah DD talks to herself when she wakes up and she’s left in there if she’s happy but as soon as she calls out one of us gets her. Nothing wrong with self soothing but if Dd was still awake after an hour and not saying anything I would definitely just get her out of her cot.

It does sound awful

what will you do op?

That was probably a bit too long to leave a toddler on their own.
I also think it's very wrong to film and put footage of your child on-line ,. especially when they are on bed!

I know this instagram account.

She’s a fantastic mum and is doing her best. She would be horrified to see this account and is going through a lot with her LO right now.

if you follow her you would know that and be able to put her post into context.

this thread would deeply upset her.

4 hours sounds too long to be in the dark with noise alone. And I agree, just because she didn't cry doesn't mean the child is ok. She may have learnt there is no point. Poor child.

Yeah, that’s interesting pushions. They’re all so different, aren’t they, babies? Some do well with routine.
Mine was never a big sleeper at all. He just wouldn’t nod off unless attached to me, somehow. Or moving, in the pram / carrier.
Ended up co-sleeping. Didn’t plan to do that, either. I don’t get much time to myself, really. Bit better now he’s two.

I remember the staff of Romanian orphanages being given help to learn how to stimulate babies in their care and not just leave them in their cots for hours. I remember the FARA charity being set up for this purpose.
I so hope Chinese orphanages are now much improved and babies are valued and stimulated and not just left in cots for hours. I am sure they are much better. The importance of giving a baby a lively, stimulating environment is much more widely recognised now.

I don’t get the angst. If she wasn’t crying it sad chill out time and relax. Hardly child abuse. I’m fairly sure I didn’t leave mine 3 hours but if they were awake and happy for 2 hours I defintely left them to it

I saw a man and a woman stood outside a shop smoking today whilst their very young baby absolutely screamed inconsolably.
If one of the parents had been on their own I would assume bad day, need a break.
But both parents, casually smoking and ignoring the poor baby.
It really upset me.

I can also remember the Panorama on Baby farms in the UK. Before the advent of properly run nurseries and Ofsted inspections of nurseries and childminders, working mothers in the sixties often had no choice but to leave baby in these 'baby farms' where babies were fed and changed but otherwise left in cots all day. There was a huge outcry which led to the establishment of properly run, child centred nurseries.

All quite hard to tell with no context and no IRL knowledge. I'd just ask her why she seems to be bragging about leaving the kid, I'm sure there's an explanation. Child abusers don't generally insta the situation.

At 18 months my oldest would have loved that, if she has had a busy morning. She would have liked her teddy to talk with as well mind you.

How did the mother take footage if she left the child alone? How long was the child asleep for. I don't think you can assume something on insta is the truth.

It is absolutely not OK!

@Triffid14 maybe she needs help then. Nothing makes it out to leave a child in the DARK for 3 hours wide awake with no stimulation (if in fact what she is posting on social media is true).

The mum in question is a great mum. I follow her. She provides loads of stimulation for her child and is not abusive and the comparisons to orphanages etc is unfounded. It’s all been taken completely out of context. I really don’t understand how someone can take one post a mother makes out of hundreds and claim abuse on a public forum!

You say the mum showed clips of her toddler in the cot, so she must have been in there with her dc. Then you said she was awake for 3 hours before she went to sleep and the mum said she’d have to wake her now so as not to affect her sleep for nighttime.

It comes across to me that she tried to get her toddler to have a nap and it took 3 hours for them to fall asleep and she allowed 1 hour of sleep so as not to affect bedtime.

Isn’t this more about a parent needing a bit of support around nap time routines? Perhaps she thinks her dc still needs a daytime nap (based on knowing her child best) and she is persisting longer than many parents would.

Not sure exactly how you arrived at the assumption that she just left dc alone for 4 hrs. How do you know she wasn’t going in there to help settle or check on her toddler?

I remember a documentary about an orphan in some war torn country it stuck with me that the children babies didn't cry for this reason

Sorry orphanage damn autocorrect

My kids as toddlers would both lie awake without toys and just play with their toes or looking around and talking to themselves before they slept. Not for 3 hours but certainly 30 minutes or so. I think it’s their way of having some down time, it was part of their routine.

Seemed the toddler was fine, I think you need a thicker skin when it comes to other people’s parenting. Definitely don’t watch videos of controlled crying!

Well you've followed her for 18 months os presumably you've previously thought she was a good Mom so I wouldn't run to SS screaming child abuse over one incident when an otherwise seemingly happy, well cared for child is lying quietly in their cot for three hours