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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

245 replies

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 18:55

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

OP posts:
Idontgiveashitanymore · 31/07/2022 18:09

I’d tell her to fuck off . Block delete unfriend!

sueelleker · 31/07/2022 18:10

Maireas · 31/07/2022 17:51

You're right, Sheldon. I remember an episode of Frasier where Roz has to wear a lime green synthetic monstrosity as a bridesmaid, but understands that's the deal. It's later worn by a St Patrick's Day drag queen.....

This suddenly reminded me of the bridesmaids dresses in "Buffy"!

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2022 18:13

Cas112 · 30/07/2022 22:38

It's shit yes but she could be in a place of really hating how she looks right now and the worse thing in the world would be having to walk through a room of people looking at you whilst you can't stand how you look. Go easy on her, she can't be in a good place to pull out of a wedding

Then you hide away at home!
Not out on the town!

Solonge · 31/07/2022 18:13

Ridiculous….you sort that out weeks before….shitty thing to do to a friend.

Melx42 · 31/07/2022 18:14

Your sister can never speak to this jealous B again. She wanted to ruin the brides day.

Redshell1976 · 31/07/2022 18:20

Without a very good reason, it sounds thoughtless and quite spiteful to me. Get rid, don’t need that in your life.

orangeisthenewpuce · 31/07/2022 18:22

I'd be bloody furious and I'd be telling her that no one cares what she looks like, fat or thin, because everyone would be looking at bride. What she's done is rude and selfish. If I was your sister I'd never speak to her again.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/07/2022 18:24

Viviennemary · 30/07/2022 22:06

It is annoying. But on the other hand she must have a big issue about her weight and looks to do this. I think you all need to be understanding.

Sometimes we just need to try to understand a little less and conde,n a bit more - recognise and call out shitty behaviour for what it is 🤷‍♀️

Foronenightonly22 · 31/07/2022 18:27

It’s not rude. It’s very sad. Poor girl. She must be incredibly upset.

Solonge · 31/07/2022 18:30

It is a huge deal….lots of money spent on her…and she may be the only bridesmaid…certainly I would cancel her.

Ravenclawdropout · 31/07/2022 18:38

I am amazed when people "poor girl" the bridesmaid instead of the bride!

There seems to be a lot more to this story but TBH if things are this bad for whatever reason its better she wasn't in the wedding party. It's just very unkind to put yourself first on the day of a friend's wedding. She could have at least attended as a guest. Although we are only getting one side of the story.

justfiveminutes · 31/07/2022 18:43

Foronenightonly22 · 31/07/2022 18:27

It’s not rude. It’s very sad. Poor girl. She must be incredibly upset.

Well not necessarily given she was out in town with friends that same day.

tillytoodles1 · 31/07/2022 18:43

My sil's friend was supposed to arrive a day or two before the wedding, but never showed up. Her and the bride have never spoken since and that was almost thirty years ago

Autumn61 · 31/07/2022 18:45

The norm these days is for bridesmaids to be matched to groomsmen. Her dress, hair/makeup, flowers, bridesmaids gift plus meal and drink is a bit more of a deal that ‘one less walking down the aisle’. Judging by additional responses from OP, bridesmaid appears to be a selfish bitch but now I’m wondering why you chose her.

SavBbunny · 31/07/2022 18:46

Put it out of your mind. Hopefully the day was lovely. Sometimes we can't see how people treat us.
My best friend and bridesmaid turned up with a black eye. Ah the sympathy she got. She wouldn't call the police or put any make up on (this girl was a model and never emptied the bins without her slap!) I never really saw her again. Let it go.

YukoandHiro · 31/07/2022 18:47

Either a) there's something you don't know (affair with the groom level stuff) or b) her mental health is extremely bad and she needs immediate support.

rosemarysageandthyme · 31/07/2022 18:49

I have been a bridesmaid a few times: I’ve always felt self conscious: wearing a dress i
dont like. Attention i don’t want.
photos i don’t want. Duties id rather not have.

but you suck it up. It’s called being a friend

Anxiety is just an excuse
for being a nasty person

Johnnysgirl · 31/07/2022 18:51

justfiveminutes · 31/07/2022 18:43

Well not necessarily given she was out in town with friends that same day.

Show quote history

Very odd reaction, really. "Poor girl, she must be really upset"... Based on absolutely nothing, and in the face of op stating that she spent the night on the town, having a royal old time.
Some people are so strange.

MintyDogBreath · 31/07/2022 18:56

Your sis is starting a new life and it’s a good time to offload such a shit friend.

I’d be bright and breezy about how great the wedding was, and how everyone had such a great time. She’s jealous as hell and ducked out due to spite.

I’d be letting her know that when she’s not there, no one notices.

UnagiForLife · 31/07/2022 18:58

Yes very rude. If it were my friend who did that I’d be so upset but mostly I’d be worried about my friend and upset they didn’t feel they could say something about how they felt in the lead up to the event.

My best friend’s wedding I chose the dress a few months before and didn’t put it on again until the morning of the wedding. I must have put on weight as it was so tight it only just did up. I was bulging out of it and felt awful all day for ruining all her photos. So I get where the friend is coming from on some level but not showing up is awful.

Scottsy100 · 31/07/2022 18:58

Everyone trying to make excuses for her when she just sounds a CF in all honesty

Notonthestairs · 31/07/2022 18:59

Autumn61 · 31/07/2022 18:45

The norm these days is for bridesmaids to be matched to groomsmen. Her dress, hair/makeup, flowers, bridesmaids gift plus meal and drink is a bit more of a deal that ‘one less walking down the aisle’. Judging by additional responses from OP, bridesmaid appears to be a selfish bitch but now I’m wondering why you chose her.

The Op is the bride's sister.

Johnnysgirl · 31/07/2022 19:00

UnagiForLife · 31/07/2022 18:58

Yes very rude. If it were my friend who did that I’d be so upset but mostly I’d be worried about my friend and upset they didn’t feel they could say something about how they felt in the lead up to the event.

My best friend’s wedding I chose the dress a few months before and didn’t put it on again until the morning of the wedding. I must have put on weight as it was so tight it only just did up. I was bulging out of it and felt awful all day for ruining all her photos. So I get where the friend is coming from on some level but not showing up is awful.

Op says they had a fitting a week before the wedding. Any last minute heebie jeebies should have been communicated then.

kateandme · 31/07/2022 19:27

We don’t no any of the truths here.we don’t even no the Rotherham side.
was it then going out that night.or after a really shitty day did her friends drag her out because they were concerned.
and anxiety over a body and a wedding is way different to going out.it’s very specific highlighting an issue she said she is having.
the bride was her best friend.so to me for someone to be your best friend you have to think they are pretty great no?so that’s the reason I’m trying to see the other side.because a best friend would need a reason to drop out in her best bud.
yes.she could be an ass.
but from what the op has said we really really don’t no.especially un biased version.

ArcticRoll2 · 31/07/2022 19:35

Without knowing her, my initial
thoughts would be she has extreme anxiety about her overall appearance / weight. Although I do think she should have grinned and beared it for your wedding day. She could if changed into something more comfortable after the ceremony.