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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

245 replies

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 18:55

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

OP posts:
greatblueheron · 30/07/2022 21:51

After reading the updates, that she went on to go out on the town, this is a parting shot from the friendship. She couldn't stand not being the centre of attention, no doubt jealous of the bride, and decided to go out in a 'big' way for the attention and drama.

I hope your sister cuts her dead in future. She's not her friend.

Viviennemary · 30/07/2022 22:06

It is annoying. But on the other hand she must have a big issue about her weight and looks to do this. I think you all need to be understanding.

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2022 22:13

Viviennemary · 30/07/2022 22:06

It is annoying. But on the other hand she must have a big issue about her weight and looks to do this. I think you all need to be understanding.

Why? She was so insecure she went out that night.

There was no excuse. None

TrashyPanda · 30/07/2022 22:16

Similar thing happened to DD.

day of her hen night (which was a murder mystery meal, so nothing OTT or expensive), one of her friends texted and said she couldn’t come, was having a MH crisis, was being hospitalised.

dd was really worried about her.
come Monday, and friend is back at work.
we were all just happy she seemed to be better.

come the wedding day, and again friend texts, says she having a MH crisis, so neither she or her partner woulld be attending
but she was stupid enough to post photos of her that very night, out and about on the town with mates.

DD is really pissed off with her.

DangerouslyBored · 30/07/2022 22:21

Stunningly rude.. No one is looking at the bridesmaids anyway, it’s all about the bride / dress, etc. how self obsessed can one person be.

DangerouslyBored · 30/07/2022 22:22

TrashyPanda · 30/07/2022 22:16

Similar thing happened to DD.

day of her hen night (which was a murder mystery meal, so nothing OTT or expensive), one of her friends texted and said she couldn’t come, was having a MH crisis, was being hospitalised.

dd was really worried about her.
come Monday, and friend is back at work.
we were all just happy she seemed to be better.

come the wedding day, and again friend texts, says she having a MH crisis, so neither she or her partner woulld be attending
but she was stupid enough to post photos of her that very night, out and about on the town with mates.

DD is really pissed off with her.

Well she needs to be binned pronto.

Anxietyandwine · 30/07/2022 22:24

My best friend got married last year. I can’t explain the anxiety it caused me to be her bridesmaid. I suffer from anxiety anyway, social and general and I have an eating disorder and had gone into recovery 6m before said wedding and gained around 2st.

it almost broke me going to that wedding. I sank into a deep depression beforehand and really really struggled to get myself there and this is my best friend of 16 years.

you don’t always know the silent battles people are fighting. Please check on her.

(I did attend the wedding and I never ever let the bride know any of this, thank god I had my husbands support or I’d never have made it.)

DashboardConfessional · 30/07/2022 22:30

you don’t always know the silent battles people are fighting. Please check on her.

Pretty sure the mates she went out with that night would vouch that she was fine.

Well done for attending the wedding. 💐

CPL593H · 30/07/2022 22:36

I think that she wanted to hurt/upset your sister. If she didn't, she could have had "Covid" or "noro" and refrained from flaunting her night out a few hours later on SM.

She is not a friend.

Cas112 · 30/07/2022 22:38

It's shit yes but she could be in a place of really hating how she looks right now and the worse thing in the world would be having to walk through a room of people looking at you whilst you can't stand how you look. Go easy on her, she can't be in a good place to pull out of a wedding

Brigante9 · 30/07/2022 22:38

So she didn’t attend the wedding even as a guest? I’d be fuming.

Notonthestairs · 30/07/2022 22:39

I can see that there may be circumstances when somebody might want to pull out, even at the last minute.

But for my closest friends I'd offer something to cushion the hurt - go and help bride get ready, sneak in to the back and watch service, or turn up for a drink and hug bride towards the end. Tell them how happy you are for them.

You can cancel and still make it clear that you want them to have a lovely carefree day (as much as any wedding day is care free).

What I wouldn't want is for my mate to be worrying or focusing on me that day.

Annoyingkidsmusic · 30/07/2022 22:47

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 20:09

@JudgeJ but there’s shitty, and then there’s just insane behaviour! This seems like the latter. If OP said “this friend has always been a nightmare drama queen” or “they fall out all the time”. I think everyone would probably think “well what did you expect” or “narcissist makes it all about them- big surprise”. This is very unusual even for a narc, they would turn up and make a scene, this smacks of someone breaking down, or being really, really angry about something

Show quote history

I can’t help but agree with this perspective, especially that she could be angry about something. Could be more to it than you realise, OP.
For what it’s worth, there is an upcoming wedding that I really want to not go to, and yes, involves anger on my part about a lot of quite shitty, self-involved & unsupportive behaviour of the bride & groom.

I’ll likely suck it up with that Great British stiff upper lip and drink extra gin rather than actually not go, though 😬

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 30/07/2022 22:52

MN is always really keen to excuse shit behaviour by saying it's MH or anxiety related, but neither of those things are an excuse to be a dickhead.

Some people are just not very nice. There's no hidden reason or "silent battle" they're fighting, they're just shit people who only care about themselves.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 30/07/2022 22:55

Does she have a controlling boyfriend or maybe they had a big bust up or anything like that that may have been going on, I would talk to her in person and see if she opens up to you as she would not just pull out like that unless something seriously wrong in her life.

LovinglifeAF · 30/07/2022 23:19

YANBU, she sounds awful

Spookysparkles · 30/07/2022 23:20

Definitely sounds like there’s more to this than meets the eye. It doesent make sense that she’s having a MH issue but then feels totally fine to go out that night.
if she was a good mate and she was genuinely overwhelmed then to step down as BM but a still attend as a guest would have been acceptable.

HiCandles · 30/07/2022 23:21

Similar happened at my cousin's wedding. Bridesmaid was a very old friend, didn't attend hen do as apparently had to work last minute, ok that was possible but unlikely given that she had to be chased multiple times for the money. Then in the weeks before the wedding went off radar and barely replied to bride. Day before a message about how much she was looking forward to it, confirming arrival times and plans. Morning of wedding, sorry I've got Covid. In the 18 months since not a single reply to bride's calls or messages. It's like she just decided one day she didn't want to be friends any more. Bride was and still is devastated.

Makeitwork44 · 30/07/2022 23:24

I felt horrendous the morning of my sisters wedding. My hair and make up was so unflattering. I really did look awful.

There is no way I'd have not gone ahead with the day though !

MichelleScarn · 30/07/2022 23:37

Spookysparkles · 30/07/2022 23:20

Definitely sounds like there’s more to this than meets the eye. It doesent make sense that she’s having a MH issue but then feels totally fine to go out that night.
if she was a good mate and she was genuinely overwhelmed then to step down as BM but a still attend as a guest would have been acceptable.

Quite, but not as dramatic and attention worthy, plus she'd probably not get the chance to do the 'how can you be so mean and question me about this?! Poooor Me!'

StClare101 · 30/07/2022 23:39

Friend needs to be binned. I’d delete her off social media and block her number. Life is too short.

drpet49 · 30/07/2022 23:43

What a nasty, spiteful woman to have done this. Bin this waste of space off.

BorderlineHappy · 31/07/2022 00:33

Well since she loves being the centre of attention,don't give it to her.
Radio silence,zilch.

Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing it got to your sister @Thatissorude .
But you all have the measurement of her now.
Learn from it

Scottishskifun · 31/07/2022 02:06

This is completely out of order regardless ok to struggle with being a BM but not turn up at all and then have a night out shows her true colours.

I hope your sister is OK and actually doesn't waste anymore time energy or thought on this woman! Silver lining is that she isn't in any of the wedding photos as sounds like she would have done something similar at some point!

Mamachloe · 31/07/2022 03:20

Gosh that’s horrible! Totally out of order.

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