Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

[Thatissorude]

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

@Circleofshells
I completely agree, it makes no sense and I can't wrap my head around it hence asking here.
I can guarantee nothing has happened, I too had reservations about her, it's just the way she treated people and was quite self centred.
I can only think,that it is jealousy.

She's had an anxiety attack. She doesn't want to be looked at. She feels she will be judged for her size in a dress that is not her normal clothing.

She just doesn't want people to see her.

@Kerrrmieee yet recovered sufficiently to go out socially that same evening ... how convenient

Sounds like she wanted to become the talking point on YOUR big day. Give her a wide berth in future.

I was a chief bridesmaid two weeks ago and my dress really wasn’t flattering at all BUT it wasn’t my day, the bride stole the show as she should have and I enjoyed the day so much that I didn’t even think about my dress

Sad my fat arse. It shouldn't be all about her.

If it was anxiety she wouldn't have gone out to town that same night. There's something much more to it though... fling with the groom maybe.

If you are anxious, or feel you won't look OK in a dress, or don't want to be looked at etc, you can't help it, but then don't agree o be a bridesmaid! I don't much like being looked at etc so I have twice said I would rather not be a bridesmaid. My friends understood and there was no issue. Very bad behaviour to pull out at the last minute. And if you've agreed, you just grit your teeth and go through with it because sometimes it isn't all about you!

I feel it is a big deal when her dress make up etc etc have been paid for by the bride and groom !

My mother refused to be bridesmaid on the morning of her sister's wedding. Fortunately a friend of my aunt stepped in as she was same size as my mother.
My mother has always wanted to be centre of attention and was recently diagnosed with an anti social personality disorder, so explains a lot about her.

If she'd been out the night before maybe she had the shittiest hangover ever.

Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse

Well, the guests will spend far more time talking about her opting out at the last minute than they would about how she looks in her dress!!! Unforgiveable behaviour.

Only on MN do people say this sort of thing is not a big deal and if it happened to them they would be absolutely fine with it.

Did you not read the post that said she wasn’t overweight ?

Where do you get that ? The bride and groom have paid for hair, make up and outfit. She had plenty of time to pull out and it’s clearly nothing to do with anxiety ? If you make a commitment you should follow it through - if you’re not up to it, don’t commit. Simple.

Exactly! Only On here does this absolutely rude let down of a person gets sympathy. She didn't know she was overweight a few days ago? She waits till the day of to drop her friend in it.

i could forgive last minute anxiety around responsibilities but would have expected her at the service and reception as a guest

being hung over and unable to attend would be the end of our friendship

What awful behaviour. She was involved with choosing the dress, tried it on last week and all was well, and isn't overweight. So it is really shit to flounce on the day of the wedding, giving such a flimsy excuse, and then go out into town instead of attending even as a guest.

PP saying that they wouldn't care have very unusual responses imo. Most brides want their day to go smoothly, for all of the important people to be in attendance. To be let down by your best friend and bridesmaid, hours before, is awful. If it was me, I would be preoccupied with concern for her instead of enjoying my day too.

I don't think I'd forgive it actually. It's a shame she couldn't set aside her own feelings for a few hours.

Would you dump your friend on their wedding day and then go out on the town that evening?

Nonsense.

She went out that evening.

I would be furious. If you think you don't want to do it, then speak up and talk to the bride/groom in advance, or simply don't accept the offer to be part of the bridal party in the first place. I have GAD and would think twice about being part of a bridal party but know that if I accepted, I would 100% go through with it even if I found it very hard (and would do so with a big smile on the surface). I'm an adult and totally responsible for managing my anxiety disorder, this can mean declining invitations but I'd rather do that and attend as just a guest than cause additional stress to the bride and groom on their wedding day.

It is unbelievably rude to pull out on the morning of the wedding bar an actual emergency.

BM's loss, honestly. Don't let it spoil the party.

Weddings can do funny things to people. I hated just about every moment of my sister's wedding (where I was chief bridesmaid) and although I didn't pull out I almost wish I had. If you're feeling wobbly (especially about your own romantic situation) it's really not the best place to be and maybe she just couldn't handle it at the last minute.

I can empathise with her entirely. I know that feeling of agreeing to do something or go somewhere and the creeping anxiety as it gets closer. You thought you would be feeling better then, or had time to lose weight but it never happened.

it seems self-centred and attention grabbing perhaps but she maybe couldn’t face the attention, or being in the photographs.

You don't have to be overweight to have insecurities about how you look.