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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

245 replies

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 18:55

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

OP posts:
housepilot · 31/07/2022 04:37

It's rude, but more than that, it's selfish. It's not the financial cost that is more annoying, it's the emotional rollercoaster she has forced upon the bride on her wedding day. The bride should be thinking of a million other thIngs than a selfish flakey bridesmaid. She must have been upset by this, and hopefully it didn't spoil the day and memories too much.

BuckarooBanzai · 31/07/2022 05:14

I'd be wondering if she's made a play for someone at the wedding and had a big knock back?

lickenchugget · 31/07/2022 05:16

Viviennemary · 30/07/2022 22:06

It is annoying. But on the other hand she must have a big issue about her weight and looks to do this. I think you all need to be understanding.

Nope. Rude and attention seeking.

lickenchugget · 31/07/2022 05:19

Kerrrmieee · 30/07/2022 20:23

She's had an anxiety attack. She doesn't want to be looked at. She feels she will be judged for her size in a dress that is not her normal clothing.

She just doesn't want people to see her.

She went out on the town at night, so doesn’t sound like it.

And if she is prone to paralysing anxiety attacks, she should have given the bride a heads up, or pulled out long before the morning of the wedding, and attended as a guest.

justfiveminutes · 31/07/2022 07:17

If she's prone to sudden MH episodes that prevent her from fulfilling obligations, she shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid.

If she unexpectedly suffered anxiety on the day - not just normal levels of nerves or worry about being very visible at an event and having an important role, but debilitating anxiety - then she could have attended as a guest, helped the bride get ready, had the decency and self-awareness not to go out that evening instead.

I teach and it really does feel as if MH is now used as an excuse for anything a person doesn't want to do. It is normal to feel nervous, worried or upset sometimes. If you accept an obligation or a responsibility, you fulfil it, as you expect the people around you to fulfil their obligations to you. Ducking out of a big party where you will not be missed is forgivable. Dropping out of a pivotal role on the day of the wedding is not imo.

Carpy88999 · 31/07/2022 07:20

I would guess a panic attack.

ddl1 · 31/07/2022 10:57

My first thought would be that someone has been nasty to her, perhaps tried to fat-shame or looks-shame her, and she has gone off in anger. Not an excuse for taking things out on the bride and letting her down at the last minute; but still could be worth checking if someone else in the wedding had also been misbehaving. Though perhaps the most likely explanation is that she had a row with her partner and took it out on the bride and the wedding.

garlictwist · 31/07/2022 11:04

I think it's rude and also very self indulgent to think that everyone would be that bothered what she looks like.

I was a bridesmaid for my sister and hated the way I looked in a dress but guess what? it's not about me, it's one day, just do your duty.

rainbowstardrops · 31/07/2022 12:05

Incredibly rude!!! She would certainly be an ex friend now!
Does she have form for really shitty behaviour?

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 31/07/2022 12:45

Completely unacceptable behaviour.

Doesn't matter if there is an underlying reason, she's behaved terribly and owes the bride and groom all associated costs - dress and fittings, hair and make up bookings, shoes, room/transport- basically anything they paid for her attend as bridesmaid.

CantHaveTooMuchChocolate · 31/07/2022 12:49

GettingStuffed · 30/07/2022 21:07

If she'd been out the night before maybe she had the shittiest hangover ever.

So you wouldn’t attend your best friends wedding as a bridesmaid because you had a bad hangover? Really?! And op says she went out that night anyway!

HollowTalk · 31/07/2022 12:51

Kerrrmieee · 30/07/2022 20:23

She's had an anxiety attack. She doesn't want to be looked at. She feels she will be judged for her size in a dress that is not her normal clothing.

She just doesn't want people to see her.

Or she's just incredibly selfish and spoilt and wants to punish the bride.

MichelleScarn · 31/07/2022 13:07

I'd if you can not draw any attention to it, and if anyone pointedly asks just say 'oh she had a night out she wanted to go to' it's as pp have said, she probably wants to be the focal point or a least a discussion point of the wedding!

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/07/2022 17:14

I’ve been a bridesmaid once. I looked like I was in Sanditon. But the bright green Poundland version. The satin clung like sloth on a branch.

I’ve a face like a saggy sofa cushion and am a general pig in knickers. Despite having crippling fear about being on display, I went because she was my mate and she wanted me there.

I understand the anxiety. I understand the fear. But to do it on the morning of the wedding?

She’s boffed someone there she shouldn’t have boffed.

LovinglifeAF · 31/07/2022 17:22

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 31/07/2022 12:45

Completely unacceptable behaviour.

Doesn't matter if there is an underlying reason, she's behaved terribly and owes the bride and groom all associated costs - dress and fittings, hair and make up bookings, shoes, room/transport- basically anything they paid for her attend as bridesmaid.

Exactly. As for all the anxiety attack type posts. Give me a break. Some people really will tie themselves in knots to excuse shitty behaviour.

I do know women who have not felt able to be bridesmaids due to mental health, anxiety etc. They didn’t wait until the day of the wedding to reveal this.

LovinglifeAF · 31/07/2022 17:26

justfiveminutes · 31/07/2022 07:17

If she's prone to sudden MH episodes that prevent her from fulfilling obligations, she shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid.

If she unexpectedly suffered anxiety on the day - not just normal levels of nerves or worry about being very visible at an event and having an important role, but debilitating anxiety - then she could have attended as a guest, helped the bride get ready, had the decency and self-awareness not to go out that evening instead.

I teach and it really does feel as if MH is now used as an excuse for anything a person doesn't want to do. It is normal to feel nervous, worried or upset sometimes. If you accept an obligation or a responsibility, you fulfil it, as you expect the people around you to fulfil their obligations to you. Ducking out of a big party where you will not be missed is forgivable. Dropping out of a pivotal role on the day of the wedding is not imo.

It’s the same in workplaces. Any sort of bump or anything not going smoothly, any criticism of performance or pulling up on bad behaviour and people start shouting about “mental health” and “anxiety”. Cosseted, entitled individuals with no resilience more like and hugely unfair to those with genuine anxiety and mental health issues which can be truly debilitating

Maireas · 31/07/2022 17:38

@SheldonesqueTheBstard 😂😂😂😂
bright green Poundland version of Sanditon
Love it!! (tho I'm sure you looked lovely!)

Maireas · 31/07/2022 17:39

On a more serious note, though, @SheldonesqueTheBstard is probably right (as ever). She's avoiding someone.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/07/2022 17:44

I wish I’d known about the purple kaftan 30 years ago. I reckon I could have swayed the bride with the suggestion of a waft of Leadbetter.

The green dress was special. Picked by her MOH. Slim. Beautiful. Graceful.

She’d have known fine well I would have looked like I was perched on a giant toilet roll. I certainly looked that shape 🫣

But it was all about the bride. As it should be.

Maireas · 31/07/2022 17:51

You're right, Sheldon. I remember an episode of Frasier where Roz has to wear a lime green synthetic monstrosity as a bridesmaid, but understands that's the deal. It's later worn by a St Patrick's Day drag queen.....

exaltedwombat · 31/07/2022 17:55

She had a meltdown over something. It happens.

If there's one good thing come from COVID, it's reminded us that getting through the most important occasions with 'one missing' is perfectly possible.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/07/2022 18:01

That sounds fabulous maireas

I shall scout it. My frock was vivid privet. Not lime.

Im not sure what would be worse 🌳😉

Scarriff · 31/07/2022 18:03

That bridesmaid wasn't thinking about the bride it would seem. Just her own sorry self. It's maddening but some people are not that nice.

Maireas · 31/07/2022 18:04

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 31/07/2022 18:01

That sounds fabulous maireas

I shall scout it. My frock was vivid privet. Not lime.

Im not sure what would be worse 🌳😉

You could rock it! 👍

Amber2022 · 31/07/2022 18:04

This is awful!
Incredibly rude and very disrespectful... However is it possible that she suffers from IBS or anxiety and healthwise really can't face it?
Or might she know something about the groom ie cheating that the bride doesn't know about, hence she feels uncomfortable being a bridesmaid?
Sounds very upsetting