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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

245 replies

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 18:55

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 30/07/2022 19:51

There's a back story. As you're not the bride or bridesmaid, you may not know what it is, but something is up.

I think all you can do is be supportive for the bride.

knackeredagain · 30/07/2022 19:52

I wondered if something dramatic had happened that she didn’t want to bring up on the big day, like she’d been assaulted or something, but from your updates it sounds like she has form for being difficult and was up to going out that evening - so rude, very rude, yes.

Wearefoooked22 · 30/07/2022 19:52

She’s in love with the groom or bride.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/07/2022 19:53

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 19:44

I would be fucking furious.

People are such dicks these days.

Anxiety. Low self-esteem. Wah Wah Wah.

Pathetic.

Well I'm sorry but your Wedding would not and could not be the most important thing in people's lives. Anxiety is a serious crippling iillness. Its not a joke for you to fuck "wah wah wah" at. A clear case of I'm alright Jack!

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 20:00

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 19:38

The groom doesn't like the woman (nothing had ever happened between them) he accepted that the bride wanted her 'best friend' as part of the wedding party. But no nothing has ever gone on there.
The bride was nothing but concerned when she recieved the text and tried to go out of her way to help.
I come across as bitter about this woman I know, but the bride is my younger sister and I have tolerated the woman for years but this did it for me.

@Thatissorude if nothing’s ever happened, what are his reasons for not liking her?

I’m suspicious because I once had a friend and her best friend’s partner (later husband) was often odd with her, mainly when they were on their own or just the three of them. He seemed to really hate her and there was no specific reason. Example, he would make rude remarks to her as jokes, just be really cold with her but not other friends. Then when they were on their own he’d ask strange questions like “what would you do if you saw me with someone else? Would you tell (girlfriend)? Then he laughed it off and accused her of not being able to take a joke”. Anyway, cut to ten years and three kids later, he got worse and worse and is now completely emotionally abusive and wife suspects he’s cheating. He doesn’t like her speaking on her own with my friend and they’ve drifted apart a bit because of this.

You don’t come across as bitter at all I would be livid! Your poor sister. But I’m just struck by how little sense the whole thing makes and the above example is the only experience it sort of chimes with.

mistermagpie · 30/07/2022 20:01

I could accept the sudden-onset body dysmorphia angle to a certain extent, but the reality is that if that actually happened to someone, most people would lie. Covid is a brilliant (if a bit dark) excuse just now to get out of something last minute, and she could easily have said that and been spared any embarrassment or falling out with the bride.

The fact that she did what she did and then went out somewhere else suggests she is just the kind of person who a) hates any event where she is not the centre of attention and/or b) likes to create drama in general. Probably both. But either way your sister is better off without her.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 30/07/2022 20:01

Anxiety absolutely can be a serious crippling illness, but when it is it would be unusual for someone to have been able to completely hide it without giving any indication at all that there was a problem on multiple occasions right up until the morning of the triggering activity.

MichelleScarn · 30/07/2022 20:01

Could she be very jealous and just wanted to ruin what she could of the day? She'll always be thought of now when your wedding is mentioned!

JudgeJ · 30/07/2022 20:02

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 30/07/2022 19:24

Or - she’s just a bit of a shitty person ?

Exactly! Why on MN is it always put down to anxiety etc and not simply being a nasty piece of work?

If I were the bride concern for her welfare would be the last thing on my mind!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/07/2022 20:04

Now get the fuckin dress on and fulfill your promises duties

If anyone spoke to me like at bride to be or no bride to be I'd be telling them to "fuck" right off and a little bit more, too. I can't imagine anyone just saying 'Oh okay sorry that my insecurities are an inconvience. People just don't work like that.

CbaThinkingOfAUsername · 30/07/2022 20:04

Really bloody rude. I've previously struggled with an ED and have body dysmorphia but still, I would not act like this and fuck someone's day up.

PonyPatter44 · 30/07/2022 20:06

Bridesmaid is a rude, thoughtless and socially inept cow. Hope the wedding was lovely.

Maireas · 30/07/2022 20:07

Wearefoooked22 · 30/07/2022 19:52

She’s in love with the groom or bride.

Or the Matron of Honour.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/07/2022 20:08

Does she have form for this, OP?

This is a MASSIVE thing to do.

theoldtrout01876 · 30/07/2022 20:09

Same thing happened at my first wedding, bridesmaid didnt show up. I never found out why as I never saw or spoke to her again, she literally vanished from my life and refused to take my calls. It was in the days before social media.

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 20:09

JudgeJ · 30/07/2022 20:02

Exactly! Why on MN is it always put down to anxiety etc and not simply being a nasty piece of work?

If I were the bride concern for her welfare would be the last thing on my mind!

Show quote history

@JudgeJ but there’s shitty, and then there’s just insane behaviour! This seems like the latter. If OP said “this friend has always been a nightmare drama queen” or “they fall out all the time”. I think everyone would probably think “well what did you expect” or “narcissist makes it all about them- big surprise”. This is very unusual even for a narc, they would turn up and make a scene, this smacks of someone breaking down, or being really, really angry about something

YesJess · 30/07/2022 20:09

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/07/2022 20:04

Now get the fuckin dress on and fulfill your promises duties

If anyone spoke to me like at bride to be or no bride to be I'd be telling them to "fuck" right off and a little bit more, too. I can't imagine anyone just saying 'Oh okay sorry that my insecurities are an inconvience. People just don't work like that.

People are too flaky nowadays.

Stag do's used to be the night before the wedding. How many hundreds of thousands of men do you think have rolled out of bed horrifically hungover and sleep deprived after probably having been tied to a lamppost wearing a thong etc, and still managed to crack on and sort their shit out

IAmAWomanNotACis · 30/07/2022 20:10

The bride's sister wasn't that keen on her.

The bride's husband isn't that keen on her.

Maybe she's just a bit of a knob.

Hopefully the bride will see her true colours now.

DashboardConfessional · 30/07/2022 20:10

Was she the type of friend to your sister where they'd have plans to go out and then she'd either let your sister get all ready then say she couldn't be arsed so wanted to stay in, or she'd cancel for a better offer? I know a couple of people like that who will absolutely never do anything they don't feel like doing at that moment, regardless of whether someone is let down.

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 20:11

theoldtrout01876 · 30/07/2022 20:09

Same thing happened at my first wedding, bridesmaid didnt show up. I never found out why as I never saw or spoke to her again, she literally vanished from my life and refused to take my calls. It was in the days before social media.

@theoldtrout01876 Wow, this is crazy!! Did she hate your DH? Any inkling as to why she would have done this?
maybe this is way more common that I’m imagining.

Minimalme · 30/07/2022 20:11

Since the Groom and the Bride's sister didn't like this person, all you can do is encourage the Bride to choose better people next time.

Sounds like this 'friend' is a bloody nightmare.

AlannahJama · 30/07/2022 20:12

Sounds like she's just a twat, and a shitty person.

OP has said the people around the bride (herself and the groom), don't like her friend. So there's obviously a reason...the most obvious one being thats she's actually been a shitty friend for a long time and OPs sister just can't see it. I've had family members ask me before why I let certain people treat me a certain way, and it's so true, you can be blinded by the friendship sometimes and just make excuse after excuse. When I'm reality, there are a lot of people out there who are just selfish, self centred twats who love to cause a drama.

This definitely sounds like one of those people.

Onlyhuman123 · 30/07/2022 20:15

Your poor sister. It must have been so difficult for her to focus after her so called best friend bailed.

If there was no MH crisis going on then the 'friend' is an utter bitch. Awful behaviour. I hope your sister has got over it.

viques · 30/07/2022 20:15

If this was a film it would be because the missing bridesmaids had bonked the brides father the night before, or something similar………

whynotwhatknot · 30/07/2022 20:18

sounds like she didnt like not being centre of attention who does that the day of the wedding and then not show up at all