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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid pulled out morning of wedding

245 replies

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 18:55

AIBU to think that a bridesmaid pulling out of the wedding 1 hour before they were due to get hair and makeup done is a bit rude?
Their reason, they look fat in the dress and dont want the guests talking about them as they walk up the ailse. They also did not attend the day at all.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 30/07/2022 19:27

I feel there must be more to it too.

Chestnut29 · 30/07/2022 19:28

What is her relationship with the groom? That would be my first suspicion…

MichelleScarn · 30/07/2022 19:28

@WomanStanleyWoman2 there's another thread going about someone who's in a hotel with their partner who's to be a bridesmaid and the bridesmaid to be is insisting they get chauffeured to wedding venue at 545 waking everyone else rather than getting there themselves!

thefirstmrsrochester · 30/07/2022 19:28

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 19:20

Thank you all for your thoughts on this, I am not the bride but I was the matron of honour.
I was not sure if my views of her were skewed a little as I saw how devastated the bride was.
They WERE best friends but are no longer talking as the the bride messaged to ask if there was anything she could do to help her feel more at ease or if she just wanted to attend as a guest but unfortunately it was refused. It then came to light that she was ok and had gone out that evening around town.

Thank You again for your thoughts.

Oh that’s unforgivable. The poor bride.

SquirrelSoShiny · 30/07/2022 19:28

Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 19:20

Thank you all for your thoughts on this, I am not the bride but I was the matron of honour.
I was not sure if my views of her were skewed a little as I saw how devastated the bride was.
They WERE best friends but are no longer talking as the the bride messaged to ask if there was anything she could do to help her feel more at ease or if she just wanted to attend as a guest but unfortunately it was refused. It then came to light that she was ok and had gone out that evening around town.

Thank You again for your thoughts.

Surely to God this is made up? No one could be that outrageous, short of some terrible trauma / psychosis Hmm

alnawire · 30/07/2022 19:29

It wouldn't bother me as the bride, I would be either concerned about the mental health or my friend or realising she wasn't the friend I thought. I would never want someone to do something if they didn't want to though. I grew up not knowing how to communicate my needs and spent a lot of my young adult years in bad situations because I didn't learn to say 'I don't want to' - as a result I am hugely pro 'it's fine if you don't want to'.

mam0918 · 30/07/2022 19:29

Its ALWAYS rude to no show a wedding without a solid reason (car crash on way to venue, flights grounded if your travelling, serious illness etc...) never mind as a bridesmaid.

Newsflash bridesmaid dresses are usually not your taste, you suck it up and get over it... Im a bridesmaid soon, I wouldnt pick the dress myself (it doesnt cover a scar I always cover) I also have put on 2 stone recently but I'll wear it for my friend because thats what adults do and the world wont end.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 30/07/2022 19:31

We need more back ground. . Does she have a partner of her own.
Is she envious of you and feeling down on herself. Have you been gloating which could be seen as rubbing salt in the wounds. If so no good ever comes of it.
I'm asking btw not accusing.

Helpyou · 30/07/2022 19:31

I'd be really worried about her.
I'm having a pretty shit time of it atm. Feel quite low. A select few people know this. Many of my (close) friends have no idea. I'm good at covering up.

SplendidUtterly · 30/07/2022 19:32

How does the groom and this flakey bridesmaid get on?

DramaticSunflower · 30/07/2022 19:33

Sounds like she has bigger personal issues going on that your wedding. Hope you had a nice wedding day x

OldFan · 30/07/2022 19:36

I can understand someone having a poor body image or so called 'fat day' mentally, and not wanting to do it. My sister and I were bridesmaids at my dad's 2nd wedding. She was in a chubby phase at the time and my boyfriend heard someone in the audience whisper to another 'isn't one of the bridesmaids dumpy?' So it does put one on show a bit.

But if she didn't even come as a guest it does come across as she couldn't be arsed going to the wedding, fancied doing something else instead. Which isn't nice.

loveireland · 30/07/2022 19:38

That's the kind of headspace I'm in at the moment. I can guarantee she feels so so bad about it. Absolutely sucks for you though!! It is rude but I promise there'll be big issues going on with her mentally/emotionally.

Original poster
Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 19:38

The groom doesn't like the woman (nothing had ever happened between them) he accepted that the bride wanted her 'best friend' as part of the wedding party. But no nothing has ever gone on there.
The bride was nothing but concerned when she recieved the text and tried to go out of her way to help.
I come across as bitter about this woman I know, but the bride is my younger sister and I have tolerated the woman for years but this did it for me.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 30/07/2022 19:40

loveireland · 30/07/2022 19:38

That's the kind of headspace I'm in at the moment. I can guarantee she feels so so bad about it. Absolutely sucks for you though!! It is rude but I promise there'll be big issues going on with her mentally/emotionally.

Sorry, but you know no such thing!

2bazookas · 30/07/2022 19:42

I'd suspect that was a fake excuse, and the truth was she's got a black eye or bruises that would be visible if wearing the BM dress.

OldFan · 30/07/2022 19:43

I also have put on 2 stone recently but I'll wear it for my friend because thats what adults do and the world wont end.

Some people have real issues with body image that restrict their life, that being an adult doesn't always overcome. But if they were best friends the bride would probably've heard that her friend was like that before. And it probably wouldn't really be an excuse to skive the wedding completely, if the person then was seen out on the town later. I mean, as someone with an ED I can imagine someone mightn't want to be around all the wedding food sometimes. But the bride would know if her friend had major issues probably (given she isn't making a secret of it at this moment.)

loveireland · 30/07/2022 19:44

@Johnnysgirl you're right actually. This behaviour very very close to home so my opinion is probably a bit skewed and I assumed the bridesmaid was in a similar mess to me. She might just be a bitch and a major flake. It would massively cloud your wedding though either way!!

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 19:44

I would be fucking furious.

People are such dicks these days.

Anxiety. Low self-esteem. Wah Wah Wah.

Pathetic.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 30/07/2022 19:45

If someone did that to my little sister I’d be raging tbh, so YANBU.

What sort of bitch does that to someone that’s meant to be their best friend? (I know MN hates the use of the word bitch, but I don’t mind and it works) Aside from genuine illness or that of very close family, I can’t think of anything that would make that forgivable.

Original poster
Thatissorude · 30/07/2022 19:45

MichelleScarn · 30/07/2022 19:28

@WomanStanleyWoman2 there's another thread going about someone who's in a hotel with their partner who's to be a bridesmaid and the bridesmaid to be is insisting they get chauffeured to wedding venue at 545 waking everyone else rather than getting there themselves!

😂 thank you for clearing that up. I was a little confused when I read the comments back.

Not the same person, this wedding has already been.

OP posts:
DragonflyNights · 30/07/2022 19:45

Sounds like your sisters ‘friend’ is anything but if she didn’t even attend and went out and about that evening. Does she have form for being jealous? Sounds to me like she couldn’t bring herself to stand at her friends side and see her get married and have her special day.

Notonthestairs · 30/07/2022 19:46

If she didn't even turn up as a guest, just for the service or later on, or to offer a bit help getting ready or whatever then BM behaved terribly.

I can understand feeling self conscious. I can understand wanting to stay in the background. But to offer nothing as a small gesture? Nope.

Circleofshells · 30/07/2022 19:46

Johnnysgirl · 30/07/2022 19:26

They all tried on the dresses a week ago, Circleofshells. Unless it was very sudden onset dysmorphia... which is unlikely.

@Johnnysgirl fair enough, maybe she was anxious then and kept quiet? It’s extremely strange though. It’s like she’s completely lost it, or something happened that made her think “fuck this” it’s why I also asked about the groom, just seems so suspicious. For a best friend to do this? Something’s not adding up

YesJess · 30/07/2022 19:49

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 19:44

I would be fucking furious.

People are such dicks these days.

Anxiety. Low self-esteem. Wah Wah Wah.

Pathetic.

Exactly. She's had her cake and eaten (lots) of it. Now get the fucking dress on and fulfil your promised duties.

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