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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel most a peace when sleeping next to my children- too much right ?

181 replies

helloteas · 30/07/2022 06:41

I have two, one is 3 months and the other is two and a half..

I've been keeping away from husband as to not wake him when baby cries as he has very early starts and I've now got used to sleeping with both of them.

When toddler sleeps alone, I don't like it.

It's now also become difficult to have her sleep alone. Last night I put her down alone and she woke up crying.. I'm not sure how to get her used to sleeping alone again..

Any advice ? I can't just sleep with both forever !

OP posts:
ZaraElizabethIsMyNewSpyName · 30/07/2022 12:16

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/07/2022 11:56

@GreenRainbowSun

of course there is

but it’s nice to sleep with your partner, have chat before bed, a cuddle etc,

let’s not pretend that missing out on that every single night for years won’t have an impact

toddlers can sleep alone fine. Kids don’t have to dominate and come first in every single aspect of life

Show quote history

I find it telling that women doing what they want to and find easiest are often reprimanded and judged for "letting children dominate" or being martyrs or similar, and then told that they should actually be prioritising the wants (often purely theoretical wants) of another adult.

Look at the thread title. The children aren't "dominating" - rather the op is doing what she finds makes her feel most content and at peace. Why, I wonder, do some people object to this and feel it necessary to instruct her to prioritise her husband (who's views either way we don't even know) over herself?

crimsonlake · 30/07/2022 12:18

I had two 18 months apart and always co slept, eventually they went to their own beds.
When I returned to work after my first I wanted to co sleep with him as I had missed him all day and it felt like I was making up for that.
My youngest used to come in to my bed when he was much older if his father was away for the night.

Hugasauras · 30/07/2022 12:26

I've coslept with both of mine. Had fantastic sleep the whole time. DD moved into her own bed at 3 of her own accord, no tears at bedtime or stress and a lovely way to wake up.

Currently cosleeping with 6wo DD2. Breastfeeding so can feed her lying down and we are all getting plenty of sleep. (And yes we managed to conceive her just fine Grin)

If it works for you all, then there's no issue. I've never had the sleep deprivation thing and a big part of that is cosleeping I think. If DD2 was in her own cot I'd be up and down like a yo-yo.

Davyjones · 30/07/2022 12:27

helloteas · 30/07/2022 06:41

I have two, one is 3 months and the other is two and a half..

I've been keeping away from husband as to not wake him when baby cries as he has very early starts and I've now got used to sleeping with both of them.

When toddler sleeps alone, I don't like it.

It's now also become difficult to have her sleep alone. Last night I put her down alone and she woke up crying.. I'm not sure how to get her used to sleeping alone again..

Any advice ? I can't just sleep with both forever !

It won’t be forever though

SpaceyCake · 30/07/2022 12:42

Oh yeah co-sleeping doesn't always mean no intimacy or a bad relationship with your partner. We've been co-sleeping for years and our marriage is fine. We chill and talk in the lounge most evenings after DC has gone to bed and there's plenty of time and space for intimacy too.

ElspethBoomingHowsen · 30/07/2022 12:43

I love it. Only started when he was 2 and his dad and I separated.
he’s just turned 4 and he always goes to bed in his own bed and at some point stealth gets in with me. Love waking up with him

Imissmoominmama · 30/07/2022 12:46

I co-slept with all of my children. They stopped when they were ready. Interestingly, my daughter decided that at a much earlier age than my two sons.

I now co- sleep with the dog.

WhoWants2Know · 30/07/2022 12:48

I was exactly the same. It was the most peaceful I have ever felt.

MaryShelley1818 · 30/07/2022 13:32

I love co sleeping with my babies....I like knowing they're right next to me, safe and feeling loved.
Me and DH have no problem keeping our love life going either, lots more rooms and bedrooms in the house. We all get much better quality of sleep too.

DS slept in my bed until he turned 3, he then merrily skipped off to his own bed when his baby sister arrived and he realised how noisy she was. We decorated his bedroom beautifully for him and he has a double bed in case he wants daddy to go in and cuddle him but very very rarely does this happen. I love that he wanted to go in his room, no tears, no sitting on the floor or creeping out, no awful cry it out methods. Just a happy confident child. (great if your child is always happy to sleep in their own room from 6mths but mine wasn't).
DD 18mths is still in my bed, but a more independent sleeper than DS and I think she'll probably make the move earlier so sometime next year.
It's a very small window of our lives whereas DH and I will hopefully have another 30+yrs to share a bed. Luckily DH was completely on the same page and their needs came first for both of us. (Again totally fine if people have children who they feel don't need that cosleeping but ours definitely did).

downbythewoods · 30/07/2022 20:00

It's fine. Enjoy it! My two are often in with us even now at 9 and 11. It's natural. X

OhRiRi · 30/07/2022 20:12

Mine has only started cosleeping at almost 4. He's autistic and we've had years of split nights where he'd be awake for hours at a time. One night he crawled into our bed and went straight to sleep and that's what he's done since. He always sleeps so much better and until a reasonable time too, so he's he's together happier and calmer.

It makes me feel content in a primitive way that I really didn't expect.

ohfook · 31/07/2022 23:25

easyday · 30/07/2022 08:27

I'm always wondering how people manage to have that second child if co sleeping with their first?

Never sit on a co-sleeper's sofa!

Namechangetime89 · 31/07/2022 23:39

I always feel most at peace sleeping with both of mine in the same room as me.

it’s natural, normal, healthier for the children and lowers the risk of SIDS. Wins all around.

SunflowerGardens · 31/07/2022 23:48

'Kids don’t have to dominate and come first in every single aspect of life'

Neither do husbands.

SummerDays2020 · 31/07/2022 23:51

A baby and a 2 year old is not sleeping with them forever! Both mine slept with me til 4. They were ready for there own bed then. I didn't need to get them used to it they just developed naturally.

SummerDays2020 · 31/07/2022 23:52

I have to say sharing sleep with my DC is the sweetest sleep I've ever had.

pimlicoanna · 31/07/2022 23:54

When their dad's away my 4 year olds are automatically in with me. We love it! I'm with you

SummerDays2020 · 31/07/2022 23:56

Hugasauras · 30/07/2022 12:26

I've coslept with both of mine. Had fantastic sleep the whole time. DD moved into her own bed at 3 of her own accord, no tears at bedtime or stress and a lovely way to wake up.

Currently cosleeping with 6wo DD2. Breastfeeding so can feed her lying down and we are all getting plenty of sleep. (And yes we managed to conceive her just fine Grin)

If it works for you all, then there's no issue. I've never had the sleep deprivation thing and a big part of that is cosleeping I think. If DD2 was in her own cot I'd be up and down like a yo-yo.

I completely agree with this. Being able to just breastfeed lying down so sleep is barely interrupted and not having to get up in the night made early motherhood so much easier.

mycatisannoying · 31/07/2022 23:57

I am trying to understand it, I really am. But for the life of me, I cannot see how this can't be a slippery slope for a relationship.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 31/07/2022 23:59

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

What an arse hat.

It’ll all pan out in time, OP.

Peony15 · 01/08/2022 00:06

Our kids co-slept way into primary school. Wedged in between DH and myself in a king size bed despite having a 4 bed house and their own rooms. We all loved it and it felt safe. Still
laugh now when DS's perch on the edge of same bed chatting to us when the come home late from work/being out , before disappearing into their rooms. They talk about their day, even dog and cat try to squeeze in middle too. Never planned co-sleeping , just happened. Felt right and DS's are well adjusted, happy, popular adults. Glad we did it, many cultures do it instinctively.

Gruffling · 01/08/2022 00:08

My sleeping toddler is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. We are still co sleeping and expect it will come to an end naturally around age 4.

I find it hard to comprehend not co sleeping with very young children. Don't you worry about what would happen if your house caught on fire or was burgled whilst you slept?

idiotmagnet · 01/08/2022 00:10

I did too, and followed my instinct. Both now teens and confident and independent, not clingy or any of the other stuff people said they would be. They don't still sleep with me, incidentally!

Belephant · 01/08/2022 00:12

mycatisannoying · 31/07/2022 23:57

I am trying to understand it, I really am. But for the life of me, I cannot see how this can't be a slippery slope for a relationship.

Because my husband isn't a nob

Summerfun54321 · 01/08/2022 00:13

We tag team who sleeps in with the children every night. I much prefer it to me and DH both sleeping in the same bed. We have lots of intimacy in the evenings but when it comes to actual sleep, he snores and wriggles and it pisses me off. Much better for our marriage if the actual sleeping is done in different beds. Both my children are happy and healthy and I expect there will come I time when we don’t sleep in with them but there’s no rush to change. We have Asian family and they stop sharing when the children are around 7.