Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel most a peace when sleeping next to my children- too much right ?

181 replies

helloteas · 30/07/2022 06:41

I have two, one is 3 months and the other is two and a half..

I've been keeping away from husband as to not wake him when baby cries as he has very early starts and I've now got used to sleeping with both of them.

When toddler sleeps alone, I don't like it.

It's now also become difficult to have her sleep alone. Last night I put her down alone and she woke up crying.. I'm not sure how to get her used to sleeping alone again..

Any advice ? I can't just sleep with both forever !

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 30/07/2022 09:29

The co sleepers are very defensive and attempt superiority on threads like this. I wonder why. Tiredness, maybe.

It’s fine to feel at peace. I think a sleeping child is peaceful. You say you don’t like her sleeping alone, but also sound like you want to attempt more independent sleeping. It will work if you want to do that but you’ll need to be resilient and determined if you want to change habits. You can’t be half-arsed and sometimes give in.

Original poster
helloteas · 30/07/2022 09:31

I haven't caught up on the whole thread yet, but I don't co sleep with the baby. Baby is in a cot right next to me.

I co sleep with toddler. I think it would be quite dangerous to co sleep with my toddler and my baby because the toddler kicks and moves around so much! The baby would either get squashed or fall out.

OP posts:
Putonyourshoes · 30/07/2022 10:44

Herejustforthisone · 30/07/2022 09:29

The co sleepers are very defensive and attempt superiority on threads like this. I wonder why. Tiredness, maybe.

It’s fine to feel at peace. I think a sleeping child is peaceful. You say you don’t like her sleeping alone, but also sound like you want to attempt more independent sleeping. It will work if you want to do that but you’ll need to be resilient and determined if you want to change habits. You can’t be half-arsed and sometimes give in.

It’s not about defensiveness and absolutely not about superiority. I’m in full support of mum and baby sleeping however they wish so long as it is safe (ie. Would advise against a baby less than six months in own room). The perceived defensiveness is when people state “facts” that are simply not true to try to scaremonger about co-sleeping. I will absolutely point this out. It’s not about feeling superior - if a Mum chooses a cot next to her bed for baby to sleep and it suits them both then hats off to them. If it suits a Mum and baby better to co-sleep then they should be armed with accurate information to make that decision.

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 10:49

I adore sleeping with my 2-year-old DD and will continue as long as it works for us.

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 10:50

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

Bollocks.

sst1234 · 30/07/2022 10:50

Like PP said, this is not even a conflict or a problem for billions around the world. And they still manage to not get divorced and have subsequent children.

Topgub · 30/07/2022 10:53

Are you bedsharing with a baby and a toddler?

That's really not safe

I know the co sleeping fanatics love to deny the science but there's no way to argue that its safe to sleep with an infant and a toddler.

GreenRainbowSun · 30/07/2022 10:53

I feel the same. Do what feels right to you. They are so little still.

FayeGovan · 30/07/2022 10:56

I co slept with my kids for years, its was the only way to get a sleep round here. They stopped doing it themselves. I really missed the youngest when he stopped. There's nothing like your warm cozy kids cuddled into you. Now they are grown up and can sleep for Britain. It did them no harm at all. Do whatever suits your family @helloteas

TheresABearOverThere · 30/07/2022 10:57

My 19mo is still in with me while my husband sleeps in the spare room....

1stTimeMama · 30/07/2022 10:59

I have co-slept with all 5 of my children, 3 sleep very comfortably in their own rooms now, 5yr old starts off in his own room but will come and get in with me if unsettled, and the 2yr old starts in her bed, which is next to mine, and always ends up in with me by about 2am.

I'm not sure there's much nicer a thing than hugs and kisses from tiny hands of a morning and peaceful sleep for all when they're content.

And to the posters who wonder how relationships last and more babies are made whilst co-sleeping happens, please note I said I have 5 children, and we've been together 14yrs!

SoftSheen · 30/07/2022 11:04

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

Not true at all. I co-slept with each of my children until 3 ish. After that they transitioned to their own beds and rooms with no problems, and have been great sleepers ever since. Bed sharing has been completely normal for most of human existence and makes life much easier, IME.

Aswad · 30/07/2022 11:06

I Co sleep with my 4 year old, she does have SEN and has never understood the whole sleep training thing but I find it peaceful too. There’s something really comforting about listening to her breathing and stroking her lovely hair. Being kicked in the face is not 😂

Runnerduck34 · 30/07/2022 11:12

I dont think its way too much, its totally natural. Whether you want to continue or try and sleep separate its down to whats right for your family.
I feel most at ease when all my teens and young adults are at home asleep in their rooms , gives me a warm fuzzy feeling as it doesnt that happen often now.

Amammai · 30/07/2022 11:13

My friend said her happy place was tucked up in bed with her mum watching tv and eating snacks. She’s in her forties. I think that’s such a lovely thing. We are so afraid of children depending on us but nearly all animals sleep close to their young. It’s instinctive.

coopekid · 30/07/2022 11:20

I’ve co-slept with DS1 since he was 4 months (now approaching 1 year) it’s got us through injections, teething, colds, COVID , “regressions”…DH sometimes sleeps with us or sometimes in the spare room. Luckily we have a super king so can all spread out (read DS1 sprawled out like a starfish in the middle of the bed) 😅 Waking up to my baby’s warm snuggly face next to me each morning is the best.

KenAddams · 30/07/2022 11:21

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

Were u not allowed into your parents bed is this why ur so sour!! Enjoy it I miss mine coming in beside me Flowers

Original poster
helloteas · 30/07/2022 11:22

Topgub · 30/07/2022 10:53

Are you bedsharing with a baby and a toddler?

That's really not safe

I know the co sleeping fanatics love to deny the science but there's no way to argue that its safe to sleep with an infant and a toddler.

No of course not. I'm not crazy !

OP posts:
Thehop · 30/07/2022 11:24

My youngest is almost 6 and I love the nights she sleeps with me

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 30/07/2022 11:27

My very favourite place to sleep is next to my 6 year old. He is a very peaceful sleeper. Sleeping next to my 8 year old is like sleeping near a handsy octopus. It is not at all relaxing. Sleeping in the same bed as my DH is not sleeping as he is an incredibly light sleeper.

TaraRhu · 30/07/2022 11:35

In a similar situation. Mine are 1 and 4. My son started off in our room as we lived in a flat at the time and wanted to keep the other room as a spare / office. My husband also is a terrible sleeper. He can't cope with the wake ups so basically moved into the spare room and hasn't really returned.

Since I do night wake ups, I just found it easier to be in the same room. Then I felt like I was shutting him out in the cold when he moved out! Now our daughter is in with me. It's just too much hassle to move her out as she is teething and wakes up several times a night.

Our son is in the room next door but he won't go to sleep without one of us. It's a real hassle to be honest. I wish we'd tried a bit harder to get him to sleep alone. He doesn't need much sleep and stays up late. Then we have to go through this hassle of staying with him until he sleeps. Some nights I just go to bed at the same time in our bed. I love snuggling with him but there's a limit!

I'm trying to at least get number two to fall asleep in her cot, if not alone. No advice. Other than I'm sur they will grow out of it?

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/07/2022 11:45

Sleep with your DP

invest in your relationship with him, not just the one with your kids

GreenRainbowSun · 30/07/2022 11:52

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/07/2022 11:45

Sleep with your DP

invest in your relationship with him, not just the one with your kids

The OP hasn't said anything to suggest there is any issue with the relationship with him.
There are plenty of other ways to invest in a relationship.
Although regardless of where you sleep it can be hard with small children.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/07/2022 11:56

GreenRainbowSun · 30/07/2022 11:52

The OP hasn't said anything to suggest there is any issue with the relationship with him.
There are plenty of other ways to invest in a relationship.
Although regardless of where you sleep it can be hard with small children.

Show quote history

@GreenRainbowSun

of course there is

but it’s nice to sleep with your partner, have chat before bed, a cuddle etc,

let’s not pretend that missing out on that every single night for years won’t have an impact

toddlers can sleep alone fine. Kids don’t have to dominate and come first in every single aspect of life

MrsScrubbingbrush · 30/07/2022 12:06

A few weeks ago DD2 (16) came in my room at night as she couldn't sleep because she was wound up due to GCSEs. She hopped into bed with me (DP was away at the time) I stroked her hair like old times and she was out like a light in 5 minutes.

It was a lovely feeling that being with Mum made her feel relaxed 🥰