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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel most a peace when sleeping next to my children- too much right ?

181 replies

helloteas · 30/07/2022 06:41

I have two, one is 3 months and the other is two and a half..

I've been keeping away from husband as to not wake him when baby cries as he has very early starts and I've now got used to sleeping with both of them.

When toddler sleeps alone, I don't like it.

It's now also become difficult to have her sleep alone. Last night I put her down alone and she woke up crying.. I'm not sure how to get her used to sleeping alone again..

Any advice ? I can't just sleep with both forever !

OP posts:
bubblescoop · 30/07/2022 08:29

easyday · 30/07/2022 08:27

I'm always wondering how people manage to have that second child if co sleeping with their first?

There are other places to have sex than the bedroom, you know 😅

You should try it. Bring a little spice into your marriage!

Crispyturtle · 30/07/2022 08:30

I find it so odd that we talk about ‘healthy sleep habits’ involving sleeping alone in a separate bedroom when in the millions of years of human existence it is only in the last fifty to a hundred years that this has been a realistic option for most families in this country and for lots of families around the world is still not an option due to living set-ups. Do those posters who think Co-sleeping causes issues genuinely believe that all those children who co-slept in the past and those who do today around the world have massive sleep issues?! If you do it’s frankly laughable.

Justcashnosweets · 30/07/2022 08:33

My dd still sleeps next to me and she's 8. Absolutely no regrets. Most people I know co sleep with their children, its perfectly normal.

Perplexed0522 · 30/07/2022 08:34

My children are 5 and 8 and I love sleeping with them.

They have their own bedrooms but every weekend we have a sleepover where they both sleep in the double bed with me, or we all go and sleep in the eldest child’s bedroom.

I love doing it and when my little sleeping children are cuddled up to me I feel such love and peace.

Onviously it’s only one night a week so doesn’t have a huge impact on my marriage, but if I had to choose between sleeping with my husband or sleeping with my children…..I would pick the children every time.

Justcashnosweets · 30/07/2022 08:34

Totally agree with you @CrisCrispyturtle

Alloutatsea · 30/07/2022 08:35

No, you can't do it forever but you can do it for now! They are only little for a few years, soak them up. If you're enjoying it and they are too then there is no problem. You do what works for your family right now and ignore other people's views on how you should be doing it. It's a relatively modern view that children sleep separate from their parents anyway.

Simonjt · 30/07/2022 08:35

easyday · 30/07/2022 08:27

I'm always wondering how people manage to have that second child if co sleeping with their first?

No sex needed to become parents here, but I can confirm that most peoples genitals work outside of the bedroom.

tillylula · 30/07/2022 08:39

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

You know you can have intimacy in other locations in the house other than just the bed at night? How boring 🤣

SpaceyCake · 30/07/2022 08:40

Our 5yo still sleeps with us most nights and I love it. Everyone sleeps well and is happy so no problems there. It won't be forever but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. 😍

tillylula · 30/07/2022 08:42

As someone who's mum coslept with me, i can confirm it won't fuck your children up for life, and they will eventually go into their own bed.

I cosleep with my children and I hate having DH in the bed 🤣 he often sleeps on the sofa or spare room.

We still have time for eachother

Maybee21 · 30/07/2022 08:42

My concern with Co sleeping wouldn't be potential sleeping issues as children grow but rather how dangerous it is. Adult mattresses are not safe for children under the age of 2, and that's without the risk of overlay, suffocation from bedding etc.

The "we evolved to sleep with our babies to keep them safe" argument only really applies when we talk about ancient civilisations or certain indigenous civilisations whereby we slept in caves, out in the open with a huge risk of predators taking and eating our babies, this is not a risk in modern, developed society. It has been proven that the safest place for any baby is in their own sleep space and that the risk of death to a baby is increased with co sleeping, I can't understand why anyone would understand there is an increased risk of death to their child, however small, and still take that risk.

Co sleeping is generally either uninformed, or people who know the risks and choose to think it won't happen to them so do it anyway for THEIR convenience, nothing to do with their baby.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 30/07/2022 08:43

I co-slept with both my kids until they were 11ish. They then chose to sleep in their own rooms. I’m happy that I could do that for them. I have horrible memories, from my own childhood, of being scared of the dark and being shouted at by my parents for making a fuss. I didn’t want that for my own kids.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 30/07/2022 08:44

I didn’t have them in the bed when they were babies btw, just in a cot by the bed.

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 30/07/2022 08:47

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

Yeah divorce is so rife in Japan where whole families cosleep routinely 🙄

ofwarren · 30/07/2022 08:47

I co slept with all 3 of mine.
My eldest went into his own room at 7, my middle child is now 8 and he sleeps in a bed in my room and my youngest who is 6 is still in my bed.

ZaraElizabethIsMyNewSpyName · 30/07/2022 08:48

You won't necessarily have problems unless the adults (you and your husband) are unhappy with the arrangement. If both adults are genuinely happy to sleep like this then the children will grow out of it naturally - but it could take a decade (could be far less but you can't predict that in advance).

It doesn't mean no sex necessarily obviously as plenty of couples have a child in their bed and that means night time is exclusively for sleep but time can be found for sex at when the children are elsewhere.

If your marriage is important you just need to communicate continually and honestly on both sides and listen to one another.

If you're both happy there's nothing wrong with sleeping with your children until they no longer want to as long as they have their own beds to use should they choose once they're old enough to indicate a preference.

JerkintheMerkin · 30/07/2022 08:49

My nearly 9 year old DD presently has her leg across my stomach after taking up 99% of my bed. Enjoy the bed thievery while you can Wink

dalel · 30/07/2022 08:52

I have my 3 and 1 year old in bed with me still. I have tried sleeping in the spare room at couple of times but I just can't sleep without them

Putonyourshoes · 30/07/2022 08:53

Maybee21 · 30/07/2022 08:42

My concern with Co sleeping wouldn't be potential sleeping issues as children grow but rather how dangerous it is. Adult mattresses are not safe for children under the age of 2, and that's without the risk of overlay, suffocation from bedding etc.

The "we evolved to sleep with our babies to keep them safe" argument only really applies when we talk about ancient civilisations or certain indigenous civilisations whereby we slept in caves, out in the open with a huge risk of predators taking and eating our babies, this is not a risk in modern, developed society. It has been proven that the safest place for any baby is in their own sleep space and that the risk of death to a baby is increased with co sleeping, I can't understand why anyone would understand there is an increased risk of death to their child, however small, and still take that risk.

Co sleeping is generally either uninformed, or people who know the risks and choose to think it won't happen to them so do it anyway for THEIR convenience, nothing to do with their baby.

The risk of death to a baby isn’t increased by co sleeping.

www.laleche.org.uk/bedsharing-breastfeeding-risk-sids/

Preg19 · 30/07/2022 08:55

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:17

Hahaha. God you'll be in problems a few months/years from now

This is how children develop unhealthy sleeping habits. And how marriages fall apart due to the lack of intimacy.

what a load of rubbish 🙄

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 30/07/2022 08:56

My twin DC (4.5) are in with me most of the week. There's no DH or DP on the scene, so there's plenty of room.

I love the closeness; it has got harder as they have got older, as I get pushed for the edge of the bed!

So what works best for your family.

Preg19 · 30/07/2022 08:57

Ledkr · 30/07/2022 08:08

My 11 Yr old was poorly last night and came in with me. I still love it.
A while back my 18 Yr old split up with her long term boyfriend and slept in with me for a few nights too. I think it's lovely.

Oh that’s so lovely!!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 30/07/2022 08:59

Mine was in with us until the night of her 13 th birthday! She got anxious sleeping alone.

Dh and l both missed her when she’d gone.

ZaraElizabethIsMyNewSpyName · 30/07/2022 09:00

Maybee21 what you're presenting as fact isn't factual. Babies under 6 months are at highest risk of sudden unexplained death if they're sleeping in a room on their own.

A breastfed baby of a healthy weight non smoker who doesn't drink alcohol or take drugs or medications is safer in the bed of their mother (as long as they follow safe cosleeping guidelines regarding covers and pillows) than a formula fed baby in their own cot in a room on their own.

Current wisdom suggests that the safest is breastfed in a separate or side by side cot in the parents' room, but there are lots of factors and recommendations change regularly as research findings are rarely definitive because (like most things) more than one factor comes into play to determine the absolute safest way for babies to sleep.

HRTQueen · 30/07/2022 09:01

they will grow out of it

ds went to his own bed at 4 but often decided he didn’t like it which is absolutely fine

now he hides away on his room (14) but on odd occasion will jump in my bed in the morning while practically ignoring me his eyes glued to his phone or he is poorly

you child/children sleeping next to you is a wonderful feeling knowing they feel so secure