I feel most a peace when sleeping next to my children- too much right ?

[helloteas]

I have two, one is 3 months and the other is two and a half..

I've been keeping away from husband as to not wake him when baby cries as he has very early starts and I've now got used to sleeping with both of them.

When toddler sleeps alone, I don't like it.

It's now also become difficult to have her sleep alone. Last night I put her down alone and she woke up crying.. I'm not sure how to get her used to sleeping alone again..

Any advice ? I can't just sleep with both forever !

I co sleep with my almost 4yo, she has her own bed but is scared of the dark (so comes into our bed every night at some point between 12-4am.) It’s totally normal and doesn’t bother me at all.

That's not what she wrote at all. You are either choosing to misrepresent it or have poor comprehension

@FoxCorner it was said that some people still have that instinct to keep their child safe by cosleeping no?

Probably why she wrote that some people have this instinct rather than everyone does, if you'd bothered to read it properly

Some not some

@Outlyingtrout

Trying to insult me doesn't change the data.

You haven't presented any facts.

I have.

The NHS states that the safest place for a baby to sleep is its own bare sleep space and that bed sharing increases risk of sids and suffocation.

That is a fact.

@FoxCorner

I did read it.

Its a meaningless statement.

Right...you weigh them against the protective factors and risks associated with other sleep environments. In some cases, the protective factors/risks associated with bed-sharing make it a safer option than an infant sleeping alone. You've taken a tiny snippet of my comment out of context. I was responding, as you know, to another PP who was grossly oversimplifying things.

The fact you talk about "doing" protective factors would indicate that you're only aware of the things like not drinking, no bedcovers etc. I.e. actions that are consciously carried out by parents. There are other factors (one example being the influence of CO2 levels I referenced in my previous post) which are not "done" by parents and which are significant factors in examining the safety of bed-sharing.

I'm not going to waste more time as I feel it's becoming a confrontation rather than a civil discussion. I would only urge that before making assertions about "facts" and "indisputable evidence" and all the other absolutes that have been claimed on the thread, that you ensure you have read more of the research and not just the studies that support your view.

@Outlyingtrout

that you ensure you have read more of the research and not just the studies that support your view.

I suggest you take your own advice

Just because you say "that is a fact", doesn't make it so. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm highlighting that there are obvious flaws to your approach for the benefit of anyone who may be lurking.

An NHS statement is not evidence. It will have been drawn up based on some research I'm sure, but "the NHS said so" isn't evidence on its own.

I haven't referenced any research because I don't have the time or the inclination to do that labour for you (it's been a couple of years since I carried out my own homework so it's not at my fingertips but I certainly remember it wasn't a five minute job!). Anyone who is open minded and genuinely wants to learn or find out the safest infant sleeping option for them will do that research themselves, not just reading the things that back up their existing bias, and will likely be looking at all the same studies I did. They will weigh that against their own circumstances and decide what is safe for their families.

That's exactly what I did. I read very widely and I decided that, weighing the evidence against my personal circumstances, bed-sharing was the safest option for my baby. It won't be the safest option for everyone. I am not dealing in the same absolutes that you are.

@Outlyingtrout

Being open minded is meaningless.

Scientific data doesn't need an open mind.

I've repeatedly said that people can make their own risk assessments. They do all the time.

Mostly by ignoring the actual data in favour of what they wanted to do anyway.

"hahaha"? seriously? That is completely unnecessary and rude? Are you a mother, have you slept beside your children before?

I co slept with my baby and my toddler sleeps absolutely fine now. Some mother's have the strong instinct to co sleep and it's absolutely fine and normal, and they are only young once. You don't see teenagers co sleeping so it always works out eventually.

It makes me wonder why this post got your back up so much and made you comment so nastily - unresolved feelings you have about your parenting style perhaps?

I always think people who comment like this aren't happy in themselves, actually. I feel bad for you.

I was like this when mine were little. For a full nights sleep I did it mostly. Now I'd happily lock them all in the shed for the night so that dh can give me a good seeing to. Your feelings will change op don't worry.

Omg 🤣

God I feel like a terrible mother now! DS is ten weeks old and DH and I are taking it in turns to share a room with him because he's such a noisy sleeper (especially towards dawn - he goes full farmyard from about 6am onwards); I’m a bad and very light sleeper at the best of times so if I sleep next to him then I don't actually get any rest because I’m on high alert and wake at the slightest sound/can't switch off enough to fall asleep.

It's much better for DH's and my sanity if we split the night into two shifts - that way, we each get a solid block of sleep. I love DS so much but I am also counting down till we can put him in his own room at six months tbh.

No need to feel bad, as this thread demonstrates, we are all different and so different things will work for us. My DD slept in with me until she started school at almost 5, then went into her own room no problem. It worked best for us and I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Eldest slept with me until she was 13. I hated it,she liked it. She wouldn’t do it if I paid her now it just stopped suddenly. Youngest has to start in his that’s the deal but he is like a ninja and comes in silently and I wake up and he is snuggled in my arms fast asleep - he has never been able to sleep alone and sometimes when I have said no absolutely no - I find him either with his sister snuggled up in her bed or in his surrounded by Labradors 😂

@Outlyingtrout you are assuming I haven't read multiple studies and not just ones that support my view (and indeed that of numerous medical professionals who say bedsharing isn't safe).

You are more than welcome not to engage with me further and have been the one to imply I have a lack of understanding when it comes to bedsharing and the risks involved. There are risks involved in many things in life, to deny them is to be willfully ignorant.

Formula feeding doesn't increase the risk of SIDS, breast feeding is listed as a protective factor against SIDS but if you formula feed the risk will be baseline, not increased. Learn to read data correctly.

Why is formula feeding the baseline? Breastfeeding should be the baseline.

@Maybee21 completely agree.

Pretty sure BF being a protective factor only applies when the ABCs of safe sleep are being followed as well.

@Hugasauras the baseline is following the ABCs of safe sleep.

Mind you, I think that's for the other thread running to discuss formula feeding being classed as any kind of baseline/default method of feeding!

See chart