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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP been so cruel about my weight

154 replies

Bananaramafan · 29/07/2022 09:17

I'm supposed to be going camping with DP today.
Yesterday I mentioned I was going on a diet from Monday but asked him not to comment on it (his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)
He couldn't help himself and said "oh you're going on a diet again - to lose the weight you so desperately need to"
I'm a stone and a half overweight. I'm going through the menopause and I'm 54.
I've woke up today (we don't live together)
and I'm still so angry/upset that I've messaged him and said I don't want to spend the weekend with him unless he apologises.
AIBU?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2022 09:18

That’s nasty. I doubt an apology will help because you’ll know he still meant it. Sorry.

pinkyredrose · 29/07/2022 09:18

Is he unsupportive in other ways?

toomuchlaundry · 29/07/2022 09:19

Why do you have to get used to humour that is cruel and pathetic? That is not humour that is just someone being cruel and should be called out. What are his good qualities?

Rinatinabina · 29/07/2022 09:21

You know you don’t have to be used to it. You could tell him to fuck off to the farside of fuck. Whats the point in asking for an apology, you said its a feature of your relationship. He doesn’t care about upsetting you. He’s a dick and you deserve better frankly.

Embelline · 29/07/2022 09:21

I think there’s a lot of weight you can ditch right there OP and a diet won’t do it - get rid of this nasty, belittling man. Is he in brilliant shape himself? I’m willing to bet he’s not.

Merryoldgoat · 29/07/2022 09:22

YABU to put up with it at all.

Why are you trying to get used to humour designed to humiliate and denigrate?

I’m easily 5/6 stone overweight.

DH supports me in trying to lose weight, is kind whilst acknowledging I have a weight problem. You partner is a dick.

If you dump him today you have a lovely weekend free from his bollocks.

capedavenger · 29/07/2022 09:22

(his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)

You don't live together and it sounds as if finances/children aren't tying you together so why do you need to "get used to" somebody treating you badly?

CrushedPistachios · 29/07/2022 09:23

Do you actually want to spend any weekends with him?

an apology won’t change that he thought it and said it.

Jengnr · 29/07/2022 09:23

Embelline · 29/07/2022 09:21

I think there’s a lot of weight you can ditch right there OP and a diet won’t do it - get rid of this nasty, belittling man. Is he in brilliant shape himself? I’m willing to bet he’s not.

This. Although he could be a highly toned machine and he’s still a cunt, so ditch him.

MakeWayMoana · 29/07/2022 09:24

Your partner is an arse! You could lose the 12ish stone of horrible twat if you ditched him!

In different news… don’t try and diet through menopause. Follow Rebelfit on Facebook, they are currently running a programme for menopausal women to understand the changes and manage their weight/composition in a healthy way.

PhoenixReincarnated · 29/07/2022 09:25

That's not humour that's just plain nastiness. You don't have to get used to it at all. Find support from family and friends and free yourself to find someone who is worthy of your time and emotions.

As an aside you'll find support on the weight loss boards on mn if you do want to lose the weight. I'm thinking of going over there myself as I have about 2st to lose.

Winniewonka · 29/07/2022 09:25

Tell him if he carries on like this, you'll be losing at least an extra 13 stones (insert whatever he weighs) permanently.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/07/2022 09:26

Why are you with this deadweight?

Your lives are not enmeshed so why put up with him being nasty?

FOJN · 29/07/2022 09:26

(his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)

Why? Do you try to get use to everyone who treats you with cruelty?

alnawire · 29/07/2022 09:28

Your partner is supposed to be on your side. Yours is not. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Original poster
Bananaramafan · 29/07/2022 09:30

pinkyredrose · 29/07/2022 09:18

Is he unsupportive in other ways?

In many ways he is very supportive but his "humour" consists of sarcastic comments which he finds hilarious.
I've told him many times it's not funny, it's often cruel and upsetting, but he insists I'm too sensitive

OP posts:
Testina · 29/07/2022 09:30

Well the “lose 12 stone today” quip is apt, isn’t it?

Dont just get used to being treating like shit. An apology won’t mean anything. Dump him. Start the diet today - do you know there are support boards on here? As a menopausal woman myself, I find low carb helpful. Good luck!

MorrisZapp · 29/07/2022 09:31

You aren't looking forward to spending time with him, what's the point? Ditch the git and go to the Premier Inn.

RewildingAmbridge · 29/07/2022 09:32

The stone and a half you so desperately need to, sounds sarcastic like he thinks you're fine as you are. Do you talk about dieting a lot? I have a friend who does and whilst I don't say anything it is tiresome, particularly because she sticks at it for a week or two then it all goes by the wayside. I don't even care I just don't want to hear about it all of the time.
Outside of this of he's cruel to you that's a different matter.

alnawire · 29/07/2022 09:32

In many ways he is very supportive but his "humour" consists of sarcastic comments which he finds hilarious.
I've told him many times it's not funny, it's often cruel and upsetting, but he insists I'm too sensitive

He is being abusive. Leave.

Mississipi71 · 29/07/2022 09:33

Bananaramafan · 29/07/2022 09:30

In many ways he is very supportive but his "humour" consists of sarcastic comments which he finds hilarious.
I've told him many times it's not funny, it's often cruel and upsetting, but he insists I'm too sensitive

Show quote history

Ah, that dry sense of humour, that is sarcasm in disguise. It's never funny and mainly employed by somebody insecure with themselves. X

Goldengoosey · 29/07/2022 09:35

Jesus. Another one commenting about someone else’s body to make them feel shit. What a nasty piece of work he is. Don’t put up with that. It’s not humour. Have a nice weekend yourself. I hope he goes camping alone and it pisses down all weekend x

Original poster
Bananaramafan · 29/07/2022 09:36

Goldengoosey · 29/07/2022 09:35

Jesus. Another one commenting about someone else’s body to make them feel shit. What a nasty piece of work he is. Don’t put up with that. It’s not humour. Have a nice weekend yourself. I hope he goes camping alone and it pisses down all weekend x

Now THAT would be funny 😂

OP posts:
Devotedcatslave · 29/07/2022 09:39

So not only does he make cruel jokes at your expense, but when you are justifiably upset he dismisses you as "too sensitive" he is not sounding great. I wouldn't want to spend the weekend with him, apology or not.

Ragruggers · 29/07/2022 09:40

Is it just the 2 of your camping?if so I would say I’m not wanting to go away with you when you are so cruel and I will not tolerate the way you speak to me .You need to really tell him ,be angry if he doesn’t stop this behaviour why stay with him?Have a relaxing time at home.

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