DP been so cruel about my weight

[Bananaramafan]

I'm supposed to be going camping with DP today.
Yesterday I mentioned I was going on a diet from Monday but asked him not to comment on it (his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)
He couldn't help himself and said "oh you're going on a diet again - to lose the weight you so desperately need to"
I'm a stone and a half overweight. I'm going through the menopause and I'm 54.
I've woke up today (we don't live together)
and I'm still so angry/upset that I've messaged him and said I don't want to spend the weekend with him unless he apologises.
AIBU?

But the key is how it makes you feel - ditch him if he makes you feel bad! No one needs negative energy in their lives

See I would be tempted to suggest you want to open up the relationship..keep him for the sex , handyman duties and also when you might need a +1, and at the same time start looking for someone who doesn't want to be a matching stick insect..You can of course express this view open and honestly as he does..

You only need a man insofar as they enhance your life, take the good bits, tell him you will leave the rest..and if you happen across an improvement you can trade him out ..simples

Obviously some people didn't do the OP the courtesy of reading all her posts or you must have skimmed over the one where she said:

He DEFINITELY thinks I'm overweight- he's always pinching my tummy roll and saying "what's this then?"
If I eat something nice he will say "how's the diet going?" knowing I'm not in one but pointing out he thinks I should be.

I'm so glad you're going to dump him @Bananaramafan. You deserve a man who makes you feel like he is the luckiest man in the world to get to sleep with you. Not one who makes you feel like crap.

Yabu , you know you want to lose it and he agreeing with you

Did he mean it in a 'you need to lose weight' way, or an 'omg another boring conversation about how you plan to diet' way. My response would be different depending which it was.

He's a pathetic little man with a fragile ego. He knows he's being cruel and he enjoys putting you down to make himself feel better. I hope he has a shit weekend and his tent collapses.

YANBU to cancel, and I'd want more than an apology. I'd also want a genuine commitment that when you ask him to stay away making you the butt of his jokes on a particular topic, he does.

"Too sensitive" is subjective. You're more sensitive than is convenient for him and his amateur comedy act. You've told him how uncomfortable his rude jokes make you. Even if he genuinely doesn't see why, can't he just accept that his jokes truly upset YOU and refrain from making you the butt of them, if not in general then at least when you've asked him to do so re a specific topic? Why is his amusement (or his self-satisfaction in being "right") more important than your comfort and dignity?

Whatever good qualities he has, if this one is making you miserable and he's not even willing to try to change, back he goes. Realistically you can't just factor in "makes me miserable with horrible insulting jokes about me" with "takes care of me when I'm sick" and "buys me nice presents" and "good in bed" (replace with whatever good qualities he has) and average out to "good boyfriend/partner overall". Sometimes the persistent crap behaviour/meanness in one area IS a dealbreaker.

He DEFINITELY thinks I'm overweight- he's always pinching my tummy roll and saying "what's this then?" If I eat something nice he will say "how's the diet going?" knowing I'm not in one but pointing out he thinks I should be.

He's a bully trying to make you feel shit.

If you don't break up for your own sake, you really need to for your daughter's sake.

She's going to think this is a normal, acceptable part of a relationship dynamic.

It's not.

You sound a bit of a catch OP. He'll soon realise what he's lost and try to reel you back in. Don't fall for it, you know what he is deep down.

Omg that made me laugh! Me too 😂😂😂😂

He pinches your tummy roll???!!! I'd dump him just for that tbh.

I'm 51 about 5st overweight and constantly working on it. My dh is 5 years younger than me and super fit! Ex amateur boxer and now does a really hardcore type of training (saying what it is could be potentially outing!). Never mind a 6 pack, he has an 8 pack! Not an ounce of fat on him.

He literally couldn't be more supportive. I'm currently cleaning up my diet (I can't do anything too hardcore as I get chronic migraine), and when I said this on Sunday his only question was what can he do to help me. So he's given up alcohol too! There is no judgement about my weight, I'm 100% confident that he loves me just how I am, and he tells me I look lovely/beautiful regularly.

This is what a relationship looks like. Having been in an abusive relationship, I find your DP's behaviour abusive, belittling and controlling. Being happy on your own would be better than this. Get a dog!!!

It's not funny unless both people are laughing. He sounds like a dick.

I would be willing to bet he couldn't hack it if you did it back.

I'd not go camping either, and tell him you're reconsidering your relationship.

I've tried that tactic in the past and it just makes me feel shit tbh.
I'm sick of making excuses for him, I'm sick of his pathetic attempts at humour that masks his chance to have a go at me, and I'm sick to death of his fat shaming.
When I turned 50 I lost 3 stone and held a massive party with all my friends and family and I felt absolutely fabulous.
I was single then.
I look back to that time and I want to feel like that again. Not because I'm slim but because I don't have a twat of a boyfriend constantly digging at me.
He belittles me constantly and I've been a fool to think he could/would want to change.
My family don't like him, my daughter can't stand him.
My friends that don't know him well think he's ok, those that know him well think he's a knob.
This post has clarified everything that I've been thinking for so long, but been too weak to actually do anything about it.
I would rather be single than put up with one more of his stupid shit "jokes"

Well, you could lose 13 stone of excess blubber easily by binning this absolute cunt of a man. Do it. You're worth so much more.

Glad to read this, OP. I think some of us need time, then there's the straw that breaks the camel's back, and you're done.

You've come so far OP, don't let this tosser bring you back down again. You've so much to be proud of, please dump him. Life is way too short to be with someone who makes you unhappy

Well done OP. You will feel so much better without him digging at you with pathetic jibes. You are a successful woman and his fragile little ego can't deal with it. IF YOU chose to you can lose the little bit of weight but he will always be a complete arsehole.

Have you told him you’re not going camping yet? Tell him, ‘you’re a deeply, deeply unpleasant person and I want nothing more to do with you.’

Please do dump him. I am 55 and a good 2 stone over weight and it’s all tummy. My looks have plummeted since turning 50, I was a size 8 / 10 all my life. DH is in great shape. He is kind and supportive through my repeated attempts to lose weight (unsuccessful generally) and tells me I’m gorgeous (I look like a King Edward potato). That’s what a good partner does. You really don’t need this man, it’s not humour it’s nasty. Dump him and you and your DD celebrate with a lovely meal together.

I am so, so glad you're getting rid of this horrible man.

Honestly, you are way better off single than you are being with someone like this.

When I left my ex (a very long time ago now) I remember being in tears telling my friend that I was leaving him, but then when I moved into to my own (ridiculously tiny, rented) place without him I remember lying in bed on my first night in my tiny room and suddenly feeling almost euphorically happy that I was free. No more walking on eggshells, no more having to make excuses to others for his shit behaviour, no more horrible comments (including about my weight)... honestly, it was bliss.

Also - and I know this is completely beside the point because this stuff really doesn't matter, but anyway - within a couple of months of leaving him I lost a stone without even trying that hard. I wasn't miserable anymore so I wasn't comfort-eating, I wasn't having to pander to him by cooking the kinds of meals he liked, and I had time for myself to be more active.

You go! You sound like a great person, and you deserve to be happy and to be treated well.

Being single is great! You will be much happier, totally in control and thriving as a single woman in the prime of life. You have everything else sorted so there's no urgency about meeting someone else - just take time for yourself and your daughter. Without anyone chipping away at you, who's to say what wonders you could perform?

😅

Tell him his penis is tiny and you've been faking for years. Then block him on every device. You deserve better - YouTube has videos on handyman stuff and it never calls you fat.

Wow, such a gem! The sarcastic ‘jokes’ about your appearance is something called negging, it’s a form of abuse. I was in an abusive relationship years ago and he did this sort of thing all of the time. He’d insult me then make out it was a joke when he could see I was hurt. It isn’t a joke, they’re trying to drag you down to their low level of self esteem. Don’t let him do this to you anymore, you’re worth more than this!