DP been so cruel about my weight

[Bananaramafan]

I'm supposed to be going camping with DP today.
Yesterday I mentioned I was going on a diet from Monday but asked him not to comment on it (his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)
He couldn't help himself and said "oh you're going on a diet again - to lose the weight you so desperately need to"
I'm a stone and a half overweight. I'm going through the menopause and I'm 54.
I've woke up today (we don't live together)
and I'm still so angry/upset that I've messaged him and said I don't want to spend the weekend with him unless he apologises.
AIBU?

And I suppose he is Brad Pitt

Absolutely fucking this. Four years you've wasted on this man.

Better stick with the abusive twat then if you can't cope without a man 🙄

Even sarcasm that makes someone feel shit is cruel. Respond every time with 'are you meaning to be an utter twat'

@Bananaramafan it’s better to be single than with someone who is unkind. Each time he comments on your weight he is disrespecting you and deliberately being cruel. He knows it is hurtful and yet he continues to do it. Don’t stay in this emotionally abusive relationship just because you are too scared to be on your own.

You do realise you can orgasm perfectly well on your own, right? And you can pay someone to do handyman jobs for you...you could even potentially learn to do some of those jobs yourself. You don’t need to willingly put up with this!

Are you actually saying you would rather stay with a man that doesn’t treat you well just because you’re in your 50s and you might otherwise need to learn to be okay by yourself for a while instead?

Why stay with anyone who has so little respect for you and who criticises every part of your life? Just why?

Keep him around for sex and home improvements, ignore his 'jokes' about your weight, lose the weight for you.

But that’s just it. Even if you are too sensitive (and it doesn’t sound to me as though you are). He should accept you, as you are and try to accommodate your sensitivity. You shouldn’t need to be objectively non-sensitive enough to justify not having to hear this sort of hurtful comment. The fact YOU SAY it is hurtful should be enough for him to WANT not to hurt your feelings. As there is no practical reason on earth for him to say this sort of thing other than he enjoys it, there’s no compromise to be made. It would cost him nothing but a little thought before he opens his mouth. He either enjoys putting you down, or can’t be bothered to hold his tongue.

And if he can’t make a small behaviour modification because it hurts you, he’s putting his whims over your comfort. Every time. Ditch him. He thinks he’s more important than you, that’s all.

If you like this man - genuinely like him, then give him the option of either carry on with the nasty comments and it is over or stop.
After that it is up to you to decide if you want to put up with it.
What would he say if you actually lost the weight? Would there be another drum to bang on I wonder

Amen to this. I couldn't get it wet for a man like that. I'd much rather be intimate with someone who loves me, cares for me and treats me with respect. Ie. MYSELF! Bin him off OP. Lifes too short genuinely applies here.

Why are you with him? I'm sorry but you do sound pathetic tbh, you're one of those 'any man better than no man' people who I don't understand at all. As a contrast to the absolute bastard you insist on having in your life, I'm 50ish, peri and around a stone heavier than I was when I met my partner 5 years ago. He adores me and adores my extra blubber too. He is supportive of how I parent my child, how I run my business and has never ever criticised what I eat. Ditch your waste of space OP. It is possible to meet nice men, it's also possible to be single and happy.

Why would you want to be with a cruel man such as this dirtbag?

You're 54. You're a woman. You've earned your stripes to have a little weight gain! If you want to loose weight, that's great, but do it for YOU! No one else.. and I'd also tell him to P off.

Forcing an apology out of some is about as much use as a chocolate tea pot in a 100 degree heat wave. . Sorry is just a five letter word its the thought and sincerity behind It that's important.
Him saying sorry for a quiet life is one thing actually being sorry is very much another.

Oh op :(

4 years is a long time.
Too long.
I really want you to think long and hard. Does this man really fit in the things that spark joy.
Because you might fear not being able to find someone else at your age.
But realistically: it is better to find love within yourself. Find love in nature. In friends. In going to the cinema. In joining a book club. Love doesn't have to mean a partner .

Love is to be happy.

It might be scary to take the step. But if you do decide to take the leap? You'll find yourself happy again. I promise. Happiness is in the littlest of things.
X

To be highly blunt no amount of earth shattering screaming multiple orgasms are worth getting treated like shit. Get a dildo and some self worth.

I've woke up today (we don't live together)
and I'm still so angry/upset that I've messaged him and said I don't want to spend the weekend with him unless he apologises
I don’t think ultimatums are the way to go here @Bananaramafan

You’re better off telling him how you feel and being serious about it … say it in person or on the phone, NOT in a text

’when you say/said , I feel _’

it is silly he saying you’re too sensitive as that’s his judgment … they’re your feelings and it’s up to you to express them. See how he reacts and more importantly, see how YOU feel

This. For those that are saying "Talk to him", this is obviously this thread's version of Cancel The Cheque. Some people, and I have been one in the past, think that if only they explain this to the menz properly they will understand and stop doing it. IME this rarely works. If it did work, most people would not be posting on here. Full disclosure. I spent too many years trying this with X'D'H. He understood perfectly well. He was doing it on purpose and didn't give a feck what I thought. Don't be me OP.

So he knows you don’t like it and says you’re too sensitive for his humour but he hasn’t thought to change and adapt it/ look at his behaviour and challenge himself?

youre not too sensitive op, he’s an arsehole and all arseholes say that when someone doesn’t like what they have to say.

I know he's a cunt and I need to ditch him, I'm not a pathetic person even though I probably sound like I am for putting up with his bollocks, it's sooo hard to meet someone in your 50s though!

Being on your own is preferable to being with this cunt.

Honestly - would you like your daughter to be with a man to treated her like this? If the answer is 'NO FUCKING WAY', why do you think it's okay for you?

I used to be self conscious about being overweight at size 14 until I started dating DP, every morning it’s hello sexy and a nice cuddle, he’s not looking for sex every day, he loves me as I am. What your man says makes an enormous difference to your well being, everyone asks me why I’m always smiling - because I have a good man.
Indifference or criticism is a major cause of relationship breakdown, why can’t men realise that a kind word and a cuddle makes an enormous difference.

Thanks for all the lovely (and not so lovely!) messages.
I've been on the site for a while and kind of knew I'd get a mixed bag of responses.
I actually posted it because I KNOW I need to end things, and I knew the blunt replies and the kind replies would help motivate me to do it.
For context (and for what it's worth) I endured an incredibly cruel,hostile environment as a child, where there was sexual, emotional and physical abuse.
I was kicked out as a teen and I've had to make a life for myself since then.
I've done pretty well, I have a beautiful daughter, a very successful business and I own properties.
However my self esteem has always taken work, when as a child you're constantly abused by the people who are supposed to love you the most, it's a constant struggle to value yourself.
Thankyou again for taking the time to comment and to read my post, I know what I have to do
X

Really you can pay someone to be a handyman. And buy a dildo.

This right here.

As for "he can be sweet"... even if he's sweet 90% of the time and an asshole 10% of the time, that's still 10% more than you should be putting up with. All abusive men are sweet sometimes.

You'd be better off getting a dog or a cat. They're sweet and never make you feel like shit.

More power to you OP. I wish you very well.