DP been so cruel about my weight

[Bananaramafan]

I'm supposed to be going camping with DP today.
Yesterday I mentioned I was going on a diet from Monday but asked him not to comment on it (his "humour" is often cruel and pathetic but I've tried to get used to it)
He couldn't help himself and said "oh you're going on a diet again - to lose the weight you so desperately need to"
I'm a stone and a half overweight. I'm going through the menopause and I'm 54.
I've woke up today (we don't live together)
and I'm still so angry/upset that I've messaged him and said I don't want to spend the weekend with him unless he apologises.
AIBU?

Dump.

Tell him whilst researching diet methods you came across one of those pumps that's supposed to make your penis bigger - so you have ordered him one.

OP you've put up with this for four years. Can you even bear the thought of it going on for another 20 or 30? Because - well I'd say he won't change, but actually he probably will, the more you put up with it the worse he'll get.

Text him 'Thank you, I've just been told about this amazing diet, I can lose 12 stones in 30 seconds'. See what he says. Then tell him it's over. Please, if you don't you'll be a shell of yourself before long because he'll eat away at your confidence and self esteem, and because of what you've said about it not being easy to find someone at your age I suspect you already don't have a lot of either.

@Bananaramafan I identify with a lot of what you've just said, re reasons for lack of self esteem. TBH therapy (and getting too old to be a*rsed with it all) were the only things that helped, but therapy was worth every penny.

I've done pretty well, I have a beautiful daughter, a very successful business and I own properties.

He's putting you in your place, isn't he? You are way out of his league.

Come on, you are old enough to know that you don't have to put up with this. What would you do if your daughter came home with someone who talked to her like that?

How the fuck is that even humour? Its just a shitty spiteful comment

^^^
This, 100%

I've had therapy and it helped enormously.
These fucking narcissistic men are clever though aren't they?
Charming and considerate at first, then the criticisms and little digs start slowly but over time escalate.
Yes I've been a mug but retrospect is a bloody bitch!

I am so sorry he is treating you this way. My OH is overweight and I would never dream of drawing negative attention to it! Pinching you?? Bang out of order! And his behaviour is totally a reflection of his own insecurities and shortfalls. It sounds like you’ve done an amazing job at picking yourself up after horrendous situations…you can do it again. Be happy, lovely. 💐 xx

How is the sex good if he makes you feel bad about your body?

OP you know what you need to do. Get rid of him and live happily ever after. If you don’t, I promise you years of misery with you constantly being put down by this horrible man.

I don't get the sex bit either, sorry. How can you enjoy sex with someone who thinks your body is below par and makes nasty comments about it?

@Bananaramafan

You've got huge amounts of strength and resilience inside, as you well know even if you don’t always feel it, because it’s got you this far. If it’s sometimes too difficult to find the self esteem to do it for yourself then approach it like anything else you would do if you knew it to be the right course for your daughter and for her wellbeing.

Wishing you well.

Yes I've been a mug but retrospect is a bloody bitch!

So are you going to end things with him today?

I’m assuming not as the ‘sex is incredible’ - not really sure how it can be when it involves being naked and he’s apparently cruel about your body.

Thankyou so much and I'm NOT crying!
(Ok maybe a teeny bit)
I'll be ok I know what I need to do, as other posters have said if my daughter bought home a man like him I'd kick him the fuck out the house.
I'm now furiously cleaning the house as a distraction and later I'm going to treat my dd to a lovely dinner out x

I love a joke but if someone told me I'd upset them with gag i'd be mortified, not tell that person they were in the wrong to not find it funny. Humour is so subjective, it doesn't matter if someone else would find it funny, you don't, so he needs to either consider his jokes more, or you need to tell him to jeff off. Given what his response was I think you should be wondering if he is the guy for you.

Bet he looks like the back end of a bus, the sheer audacity.

OP, you deserve so much better. You know what you have to do.

Enjoy the evening with your daughter xx

Fabulous OP.

Just for a little bit of a happy ending story, my mum was married to my abusive arsehole of a dad who kept her in her place for decades (and she was a very strong woman) until he passed away. She was in her 50's.

Met someone in work in her 60's. Travelled the globe together, has a fantastic life and remarried when she was 68 and is truly living her best life!!

No, but how can you relax and get into it if your partner is making you feel ugly?

There's not nice as in arrogant and brash and not nice as in preventing you from feeling attractive.

Dear god, I want to shake you til this horrible, snide, unfunny wanker of a man falls out of your life, @Bananaramafan .

It’s comforting that you’ve acknowledged that you posted because you knew that you needed to hear how unacceptable this is. FFS woman up and kick this loser out of your life. It is soooo much healthier to be single than to be with a nasty little prick who deliberately chips away at your self esteem.

He might find his sarcasm hilarious — you don’t and that’s what matters. His comments are nasty, someone who loves you doesn’t say these things.
Bin him, he won’t improve.

Now THATS cheered me up!
X

yeah I read it as being sarcastic too