Teacher DH and childcare in summer holidays

[totallybonafido]

DH is at home with the 2 DC while I'm at work. DS goes to nursery term time only, as we agreed that it doesn't make sense to pay for childcare while DH is at home with DD anyway.

DH is clearly resenting the loss of his child-free summer holidays, where he would be free to please himself for the whole 6 weeks. I am getting several messages a day about how much the DC are pissing him off and winding him up and how he hates his life. I know what it's like, I have looked after the DC by myself several days a week while I was on mat leave. DH has let them get to him way too much and has worked himself up into an absolute rage. I've been considering going home early today to take over as DH is not handling it well at all.

AIBU to think that DH just needs to suck it up? It's not even for the full 6 weeks as we'll have family help for some of it and will also be going on holiday as a family for a week. I do understand how he feels as he's losing one of the big benefits of being a teacher, but I only have limited holiday and don't get any time off work by myself either.

[Dajeeling]

Get them booked into childcare little and often throughout the week- even if sometimes just one of them goes so the other gets quality time with dad. Looking after very young children single handedly is not a rest- that’s said often on here when it’s women doing it 24/7 so let’s not pull others down when the roles are reversed.

[ScarlettOHaraHamiltonKennedyButler]

Also if he has the children for the full 13 weeks outside of school time does he ever get annual leave time without childcare?

Honestly a lot of teachers on MN live in a different world don't they

Most people get 5 or 6 weeks a year annual leave. Two working parents would have 10/12 weeks between them to cover summer, easter, christmas, october break, february half term and all the inset days, closed for election days etc.

It seems that, despite the obvious deficit above, think that most parents are somehow taking loads of annual leave while their children are in school? Is this just another way to feel hard done by? "all these parents get to take annual leave whenever they like, lucky them with their six weeks and having to fight with every other parent in the department to get the school holidays off"

ffs.

Honestly I know so many teachers irl and none of them spout the crap you hear on mumsnet (none of them work 60 hours a week or work in the holidays either).

[MsPincher]

What an arse. Could you imagine a woman doing that? He needs to grow up.

[Orangello]

does he ever get annual leave time without childcare?

Is that the norm? I use my holidays to spend time with/take care of children and assumed this was the case for most parents, or does everyone else just take holidays to read books while children are in childcare?

[TheOrigRights]

@Tillsforthrills

Teaching is a hard job and he sounds burnt out, agree he should have at least one day off to look forward to.

I should too.

[JustABloodyMinute]

@Orangello you are not alone!!!

[SunshineLoving]

Of course looking after young children alone is very hard work. But this is what he signed up for when he became a dad.

I think he needs to start trying to enjoy it tbh and stop moaning. Like you say, he won't be doing it for the full 6 weeks. He should be enjoying the chance to spend time with them on his own.

I think you need to make sure he does still get time on his own sometimes doing things he wants to do but I do not see a problem with him looking after his children during the school holidays.

[SizzlingAwayIntheHotSun]

He sounds like a shit dad if he can't look after his own children for a few weeks. My husband is a teacher too, we have 3 children 6, 4 and 1, he's done something with them everyday and is enjoying actually spending time with his own children. I've actually been getting annoyed at the fact he's spending so much time being disney dad he's doing no housework (I have a normal job so not many holidays), I've been pissed off coming home to clean and tidy, but our children are loving the time spent together so I can't be too mad.

If your husband agreed to have children what did he imagine would happen to summers? I know my husband knew he'd have our children over summer apart from our family holiday, he actually looks forward to the time he can spend with them.

[Iamdonewiththis]

Wow he sounds a right twat. His own flesh and blood and yet he teaches all day. Dump this idiot, what does he want to do go play with toys/fish/friends.

[Kite22]

Also if he has the children for the full 13 weeks outside of school time does he ever get annual leave time without childcare?

As a parent, if you see spending time with your dc as such a chore, then who does ?

Yes, if you were looking after a 5 and 3 yr old 24/7 as a single parent with no respite, it would be draining, but that isn't what is happening here. OP I presume shares the parenting every evening and both days at the weekend. Then she has said they are on a family holiday and there are some other things planned.

Getting out and about with your own dc is a complete change from teaching.
However, if OP and her dh both want to arrange some "time out" from being parents, I am sure they can arrange that between them at weekends. Just as people in other jobs would have to.

[Mumoftwoinprimary]

I have memories of looking after three 5 year olds and a 2 year old in the summer holidays! As this meant that the parents of the two other 5 year olds would then look after Dd for me some days. (Dd got very upset at the idea of going to holiday club so we didn’t want to send her if there was a way around it.)

The solution was for Dh and I to basically split our holidays to maximise time off plus do complicated child care swaps with friends.

The idea of just looking after my own children for the holidays without extra kids and being able to spend all of dh’s time off actually with him seems an unimaginable luxury!

The last time either Dh and I have taken a day off together not in school holidays was in 2014.

[Bubblesandsqueak1]

Tbh I would have put the kids into nursery for 2 days a week over the hols your dh is not being unreasonable teaching is stressful and he has no free time he is around kids 24 7 then on those 2 day he could chill a bit get odd jobs done around the house and just breathe a bit

[JackieGoodmanLuckLuck]

Sounds like you've had children with totally the wrong person, he sounds like a right laugh and team player when it comes to parenting..not. glad he's not my husband or my children's teacher. What are you supposed to do not work and earn so he can have a break, so sick of people moaning about their kids on here , don't have them then..hope things improve for you, you sound like a great mum.

[Inwiththenew]

Just pay for them to go to daycare for a couple of days if that makes him feel better. Maybe he does need a break. Can you really be arsed with dealing with his whining after youve been working all day?

[Festoonlights]

He WILL adjust - just as we have all had to.
A good routine - first thing they come into bed with a book and CBeebies. Then get the children up and out every morning doing something in the fresh air and active running around. Picnic lunch outside and then settle the children down for a nap or a film every afternoon after lunch with teddies and blankets - he can relax.
Cook dinner together with dc
Make bath time fun with lots of bubbles - add a few extra toys or even better plastic kitchen utensils
In bed nice and early with a story! Job done

It could not be easier!! Wait until he has them as teens - he will be wishing for these days again!

[KangarooKenny]

Do you get any child free holiday from work ? I would imagine not. Tell him to parent his children.

[chocorabbit]

@Orangello

does he ever get annual leave time without childcare?

Is that the norm? I use my holidays to spend time with/take care of children and assumed this was the case for most parents, or does everyone else just take holidays to read books while children are in childcare?

I totally agree. From this and many other threads just like this it seems that most musment resent spending time with their children and if possible to have nearly zero school holidays and a school day until 18:00. And can't wait until children have flown the nest. I hope the real worl is not like this. Most people (including men) I know would rather be at home with the children than work.

[OperaStation]

@Bubblesandsqueak1

Tbh I would have put the kids into nursery for 2 days a week over the hols your dh is not being unreasonable teaching is stressful and he has no free time he is around kids 24 7 then on those 2 day he could chill a bit get odd jobs done around the house and just breathe a bit

When does the OP get child free days off to just chill? How do you know her job isn’t also stressful? Believe it or not, teaching is not the most stressful job in the world.

He chose to have children and he chose to work with children.

[BR1967]

Did you say he is a teacher and he is this impatient with his own kids? Egads! You might want to send him some GIFs of fathers! He evidently needs reminders of the most important job he will ever have!

[BR1967]

Did you say he is a teacher and he is this impatient with his own kids? Egads! You might want to send him some GIFs of fathers! He evidently needs reminders of the most important job he will ever have!

[TheMoth]

To be fair, I have endless patience in school.

It runs out by the time I get home. Which is massively unfair, because my own kids have never told me to fuck off, accused me of screaming at them when I've asked them (politely) to do some work/ take a coat off, or called me a cunt. Not to my face, anyway.

[Mummyofmaniacs]

I'm going to get the full works for this .... but what comes over is that neither of you really want to be with your DC. So why did you make the decision to have them?
Did you think that parenting was EASY

[fishonabicycle]

Jeez - I used to get 6 week's holiday a year and every day was used to look after my son. That is what normal people do. He's a twat.