Teacher DH and childcare in summer holidays

[totallybonafido]

DH is at home with the 2 DC while I'm at work. DS goes to nursery term time only, as we agreed that it doesn't make sense to pay for childcare while DH is at home with DD anyway.

DH is clearly resenting the loss of his child-free summer holidays, where he would be free to please himself for the whole 6 weeks. I am getting several messages a day about how much the DC are pissing him off and winding him up and how he hates his life. I know what it's like, I have looked after the DC by myself several days a week while I was on mat leave. DH has let them get to him way too much and has worked himself up into an absolute rage. I've been considering going home early today to take over as DH is not handling it well at all.

AIBU to think that DH just needs to suck it up? It's not even for the full 6 weeks as we'll have family help for some of it and will also be going on holiday as a family for a week. I do understand how he feels as he's losing one of the big benefits of being a teacher, but I only have limited holiday and don't get any time off work by myself either.

But ops post didn't make it sound like a parent who's simply having a rough day. She says she getting several texts at work to the point that she was concerned and considering leaving work early. She says the dh had worked himself into a rage, that the dc were pissing him off and he hated his life.

I've felt like that before, and sent messages like that to my husband. When I was on mat leave. I was depressed and really needed help. I'd have been devastated if my husband posted this on a forum for people to slate.

He's ridiculous. I love being with my DC over summer holidays when there is no school run or pressures from work. He's lucky he gets that opportunity. He needs to suck it up and stop moaning. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

When we were little my Dad looked after us in the school holidays. It was a very happy time even though he was a terrible cook and burned the mince! It still makes me smile and we 3 kids have lovely memories.
We felt that it was a pleasure and delight for him as well.
There is no excuse for your husband to be unable to look after his own children.

Nowhere has OP suggested her DH is depressed.l, and I'm sure she would feel more compassion if he did.

His words are ridiculous, BUT, I get the sentiment. I'd want one day off tbh. I think the idea the kids are in childcare one full day a week is not a bad one. He will be less of a dick if he gets time to re charge and for himself. I think you also deserve this at least so do the same for yourself.

I'd seriously just pay for it for both of you. Parenting is a pain in the ass sometimes, let's be honest

My husband is a teacher and when the kids were little he use to do loads with our 2. I definitely recommend an English heritage membership. The kids can run around.
Tell him it does get better as they get older as they can entertain themselves and he doesn't have to perform. Tell him also to enjoy being with them now as you before you know it they will be grumpy teenagers who don't want to be with him and he definitely will want to be with them then!!

As a teacher I know I have planning and setting up to do. I also have 2 children at home with me. So I sort my stuff out accordingly...He needs to suck it up and get on with it. It's not childcare it's being a parent!

Why do people have children if they can't stand to be around them. ??

I am a teacher but luckily I break up a few days before my son. I think he probably needs a few days break before having them for the rest of the summer or some time off per week. Covid hasn't been easy on teachers and teaching is quite demanding. Can the children be signed up to a camp or an activity for a few hours a day for some of the weeks? Can he meet other parents and put the children together?

Lmao at all the ‘it’s only day 1/2/3’ comments. My eldest broke up on the 15th. I’m on day 9 of working days of the school holidays!! 😂😂😂

DH needs to plan his days, suck it up when things don’t go to palm or kids are ‘doing his head in’ & get on with it.
He is a parent & this is parent life.
I’d also remind him that you’ve already been there & done it so completely understand how he feels 👍
Bring him some cold beers home & run him a bath when you get in, so he feels appreciated & can relax/de-stress, then ask him how often he though of how you felt after a day at home, alone with the kiddo/s.

I’m a teacher and a mother of a four year old and 2 year old. For 3 weeks of the 6 week holiday, my children have one day each at the CM (so I can have a day solo with each child) and they have a day with both of them at CM to give me some down time to get house stuff done or me things done without kids. Catching up with friends, getting my hair done, dentist, paper work, cleaning the skirting boards, sitting with my feet up. All the things I don’t get a chance to do when working or at weekends when both kids are about.

I’ve had days where I’ve not coped well being home with both kids. I’m sure we all have. It’s hard work and relentless. I’m sure they will get into a rhythm soon enough.

if it was a daily meltdown then I think you need to
be having words about his coping mechanisms and where speaking to a professional is needed but he does need some down time.

So….if you can afford it can you keep younger one in part time childcare over the holidays to give him a bit of a break/concentrate on the older one.
maybe he’s burnt out after a stressful
term? Mental health issues?
I’m currently spending a lot of time at home alone with two (18 months and 4) and find it blooming exhausting. I work part time and to recharge take occasional day off when they’re at nursery otherwise I get no break from childcare or work.
Life is tough when they’re little and you’re getting compromised sleep. I think once they’re a bit older the holidays will be more
enjoyable to spend with them. Although I found things easier when the oldest hit 3.
Do whatever it takes (if you can afford it) to make life easier. As someone else said it’s not a race to the bottom. Everyone has different limits.

Well, what did he expect when he chose to have children? Rainbows and unicorns and uncomplicated compliance every day?

It’s fine to find it hard work. But texting you repeatedly to whinge when he’s been doing it for less than 2 weeks and this is more about him losing his 6 week doss about (as opposed to the relentlessness that SAH parenting can be) is really not on.

He needs to have a word with himself.

I disagree with the "hard graft" comment. It isn't "hard graft" it's just relentlessly boring drudgery. It's not working down t'pit, it's just zero time to yourself and agonisingly dull (90% dull with 10% sheer joy).

He could always do what many others, especially those without any family support, have to do and pay for childcare.

This is funny but be prepared for him to walk out

He went on his own to his parents ? Leaving you at home alone with your DC for a few weeks? Yet he can't manage the DC while you're at work?

I'm a teacher and single parent. One of the perks is the 6 weeks off. Plan lots of activities and days out.

No, he took the kids with him. As if I'd let him swan off for weeks on his own while I was working!

God I loved having the school holidays off with my 3

This! 100%

No, he took the kids with him. As if I'd let him swan off for weeks on his own while I was working!

Would that be an option for him again? If he finds it helpful and his parents enjoy it.

We all have those days where the kids are awful. I spent the first day of the holidays texting my husband telling him his (our) children were vile and then burst into tears when he walked in the door. I too have an unholy terror three year old. Hopefully your husband settles into a holiday routine with them and can enjoy his summer break as well. Kids are hard work.

DH is clearly resenting the loss of his child-free summer holidays, where he would be free to please himself for the whole 6 weeks.

if your kids are 5 and 3, it’s been a long time since he could do that!