Are my own parents taking the piss out of me?

[Peppapigagainffs]

Feeling really hurt and resentful.

Parents have come to stay with us for a couple of weeks, we live in a lovely, hot place abroad.
Df wakes v early and needs to be up and out doing things. He often decides in his own head what he wants to do and engineers it so we work around him.
I have a 4 year old Dd, who needs her sleep and has some tummy issues at the moment.
Df often gets up early and goes out for a walk and then arranges for us to go and pick him up/meet him briefly for coffee, as he’s bored by then as has had a coffee and wants to go.
If I say we’re having a quiet day in (has been once in almost two weeks) they get up and go out early themselves for a walk/don’t have breakfast with us etc.
I drive them somewhere nice every day and they often come back, nap or watch tv and then I make dinner for everyone. My mum occasionally washes up, dad doesn’t do anything. I Hoover and mop whilst they sit watching the news. They never offer to have Dd, have never babysat, we’ve not had a break for 4 years.
They pay for all food shopping, petrol and lunches when out. This I obviously appreciate as I can’t afford to live my normal life like I’m on holiday and wouldn’t drive everyday somewhere or have lunches out and eat as much as they do.
Just feel resentful of being woke up at 6 everyday by Df being loud and expected to work to his schedule and if I’m not planning to go out, they just go out, no sitting for breakfast or asking what we’re doing.
No one offers to cook, although they do pay for a couple of takeaways. Have a few days left and don’t want to be simmering with resentment and hurt and leave things on a bad note. When they leave they say a thanks for everything and mum often leaves a bit of money on my bedroom dressing table.
Aibu in feeling sort of used & hurt, would you?

My mother used to visit for weeks at a time. She cleaned the house, did gardening and was willing to watch the children any time we wanted to go off to dinner. (We didn't allow her to cook because I have to say that wasn't her strong suit.) She adored her grandchildren and they adored her. She's not with us now and it took me ages to bring myself to prune the roses because they had been her job.

I am sorry but your parents sound selfish and awful. They make less noise at the weekend because your husband might just have enough backbone to tell them to naff off. Eight weeks at your house, expecting to be cooked for, driven around and everything arranged for their convenience, and shouting at you to hurry your daughter. Your mother should be feeling sad - she doesn't give a damn that your daughter has health issues and she wasn't prepared to spend 15 minutes looking after her while your father jackboots round in the morning deliberately waking everybody up. Lets face it, if you lived in a grim mining community in the north, you'd never see them.

I bet your husband is pretty sick of your parents. If you haven't got the backbone, make him lower the boom on these endless visits which disrupt your daughter's life because she is dragged around on lunches that don't interest her, can't empty her bowels properly with their rushing, doesn't get to do things like go to the park and doesn't get enough sleep. Having a child with any special needs takes extra time and effort and you are allowing your parents to compromise your daughter's health and happiness. How is she going to cope being exhausted at school for two months of the year if these visits keep happening?

I agree with letting DH play semi-bad cop here.

@Peppapigagainffs send your parents a message to say that for a number of reasons, you won’t be able to have any visits/home stays this year. It’s too disruptive etc etc

if they want to come over, they can use the same hotel as dsis used, or you’ll visit the uk as a family this year. Blah blah hope they understand and all that.

you know they are using you as a holiday service, it doesn’t suit you to continue this arrangement especially as dd isn’t well. if they then book flights, you tell them they’ll need to book hotels as it’s not possible for you to host them anymore

@MzHz - this thread was started back in July 2022 by the OP.

I'd imagine that the situation that the OP posted about back in July has been resolved to whatever degree of satisfaction to the involved parties.

@LookItsMeAgain ahh bugger! Hadn’t clocked that! It’s the flaming Similar Threads thing again isn’t it! Sorry

AIBU every bloody cup…

In laws staying with me (3 adults and a teenager). Don’t get me started on the general mess as I’m just trying to ignore it now as they all just leave a trail of destruction in their wake (coats, shoes, glasses, books, plates, half drunk cans of coke etc). But I’ve nearly lost it over a bloody tea cup. Just been to make a brew and there is not one cup in the cupboard, not even old novelty cups. Just checked dishwasher and there are 31 cups in there!!! I unloaded the dishwasher this morning so that is just from today. Have got one cup out and washed it to have a tea and going to have to run a whole load in order to load it with dinner plates etc. I tend to use the same cup all day, just give it rings / wash before making a new one?? Am I BU??

It's a pain alright 😄

Do you live somewhere where public transport is a nightmare?

Do you work?

You have only one child, yes?

To be honest, it really doesn't sound that bad and they are paying their way.

They don’t seem very capable of looking after your DC and I would give up expecting them to offer. I would also stop hoping they will cook or do other chores when they visit.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable as they are contributing in their own ways and taking themselves off to give you space.

2 weeks 4 times a year is too much. I would cut it back to 1 week. Tell them more than that is too much for you with your DD and her health stuff.