Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

Sending love.
You sound like an amazing Mum. 😘

but the GP is the one running the show here

@MummyJ36 The OP went here....

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby

I think it's pretty poor show to see a paediatrician in a building that has no lift and/ or inaccessible consulting rooms when they are working with mums and babies/ toddlers @wasthisdoctorrude

Almost all practices have either a lift, or ground floor rooms allocated to patients who can't access stairs.

I agree that you should have seen the dr alone/ with your baby, and tried very hard not to have a younger disruptive child there as well.

I understand you wanted to get value for money if this was a paid-for private appt and it must be a serious issue with your baby to see a specialist.

I hope despite the upset in the meeting, the advice you got helped?

This is usually the case.

Your mum should have looked after the demanding toddler, and a dangerous room?
Only dangerous if you allow the toddler to play with stuff she shouldn’t.

Going mob - handed to an appointment and faffing about with feeds while there- sounds like hard work.

Go just with the baby next time.
Leave toddler with mum.

I think you got your knickers in a knot about remembering stuff for the GP and as a result, made some poor decisions.

Write your questions down before you go.
Tell the GP you'll be noting down what she suggests, please can they give you time to do that.

Leave toddler with Grandma to baby sit, either at home or sat in the car.

Take enough food for baby, don't be making up bottles in other peoples spaces!

We're all capable of making poor decisions that then impact the next decision and it all turns into a shit show! These things happen and the GP does seem to have been pretty rude, but then, maybe she's had a day of people making shit decisions that make her job harder... who knows.

Toddlers can be a nightmare and things can go downhill pretty quickly with them! A dr told my children off once for being loud and silly during an app. At the time it really upset me but now they are 8 and 10 (and much easier to take anywhere) I can appreciate how annoying they were.

Dont beat yourself up but yeah probably shouldn’t have taken your mum and toddler. But at the same time the Dr sounds like they overreacted massively!

The doctor needs to be able to concentrate to examine your child. They need to be able to listen.

In future you can sit with your mum and write your questions down before you go and take them with you. The doctor won't want to miss anything because of distractions.

DH and I often do for DS2's medical appointments as only one of us usually goes and he has a complex past medical history-I'm a clinical nurse specialist, DH is a hospital consultant, there is absolutely no shame In getting your thoughts together before your appointment.

It's so easy to miss something when you know you have limited time.

Are people incapable of reading?

Me and many others who have regular appointments for our disabled kids have pointed out standard rules is only 1 parent allowed.

Since 2019 there has not been 1 single appointment (and we have had MANY) where both me and DH where allowed in.

We have certainly never taken our other kids, I have seen people turned away for bring there other kids to the hospital (some try to be sympathetic to single parents especially if its a sleeping newborn or an old child that can sit alone in the waiting room but its not safe and against rules and the suppose to and often do cancel the appointment and send you away if you bring a gaggle of hyper pre-schoolers).

No OP, the doctor was not rude, but I fear you and your mother probably were.

No dr wasn’t rude… you sound like a nightmare. Your a grown adult fgs, leave the brat toddler at home with grandma and go to appointment with baby

You sound a bit self unaware, OP. Possible they went too far in actually asking you to leave, but I can see why.

Toddler and extra adult unnecessary.

@mam0918 Maybe the situation is different when it's private appt with a dr?

Doctors who work privately can set whatever ground rules they want as can the practice. Many private drs simply rent a room in a shared building (not one that is 'medical') and the centre will have its own rules on who can attend.

At the moment, many have guidance because of Covid, saying who can attend and who can't but it's at the discretion of the practice.

It may well not have been a hospital setting.

Your mother should have looked after your toddler at home. The appointment was for the baby not the older child. You could have concentrated much better without them there and it must have been very distracting for the doctor. Doctor’s surgeries are not playrooms.
When I was about four, I had to see an ENT specialist. My mum had no one to leave my brother, who was about a year old, with as my dad was at work. The specialist took one look at my brother and said “if that’s not the patient get him out.” We saw this on several subsequent occasions and the receptionists were expected to act as unpaid babysitters. This was the sixties/seventies. Imagine that now! This was true rudeness on the part of the doctor, not what you experienced.

@wasthisdoctorrude
If it’s any comfort, years ago I was comforting an animal by talking to her while vet was listening to her heart, and vet asked me to be quiet so he could hear.

I now stay silent during procedures like this, where silence is needed.
He was abrupt, but a good vet.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway.

The more read I this, the more I’m under the impression you actually went into the wrong room and it came across like you were taking liberties by making yourself at home preparing milk in a consultation room or surgical room at the paediatricians…
The doctor asked you to leave the room and you’re a bit oblivious to the actual reason and just like ‘yes, as soon as I’ve finished preparing the milk…’ 😂 maybe that’s why the doctor was a bit perplexed and got irate. She thought you were massively taking the piss from that point on. Maybe it’s all just a misunderstanding?

Why was your daughter and mum there if the appointment was for the baby? The doc was a bit rude but I can understand their frustration. It's a medical appointment not a family day out.

Sorry OP but this whole 'I needed another adult with me to ask questions' thing sounds a bit pathetic.

It would have been absolutely fine if you'd left Mum at home with your DD.

Lessons learned for you here, hopefully.

questions i'd like the op to answer

1. Why did the receptionist say room was ok to feed play in if it wasnt
2. What was in the room that was so dangerous that the Dr herself felt the need to throw you out.
3. why didn't your mother just haul your DD out of the place the moment she kicked off?

Well I think she sounds bloody rude and condescending.
Why on earth would she not have a room available to feed your baby, or a space to occupy your younger one for a short time?

Why would a paediatrician not meet the needs of their actual clients - it baffles me. In my experience its common place though, sadly.

Of course you are allowed some support.
this post has gone the way down so. A poster made up their minds and it’s a pile on.when really would some of theee posters been able to do any different?or treat a loved one struggling in those way?

op the doctor should no how to distract how to smile or be patient with a 2 year old.who was acting like a two year old chatting away to herself. And then got upset as a toddler does when mum leaves her side.all normal for a child .and where were you where this was happening?…oh yeah somewhere that’s meant to be up and above at dealing with children! I mean bloody hell you weren’t sitting in a spa at champneys.

please don’t feel unsupported here op.I can’t believe some of the horrid responses.

if you need your mum again then use her.

the doc does sound rude and not able to use her training and bedside mannner to deal with the children she is meant to have full knowledge of.and private too.

if this is ongoing treatment I might find somewhere or someone else if this is possible because I need to have trust in her and be able to be open and feel cared for.

you did nothing wrong today op.hope your all ok.

Are you not in UK? I thought disable access was compulsory in all public buildings? You should have taken a push chair

If you were a single parent and had no choice but to bring a toddler who the appointment wasn't even for into the room, I'd be aghast at the doctor's attitude. But as it stands I'm aghast you didn't have to take a toddler into a small doctor's office and you did! With another adult taking up space! And while there is a pandemic. You say they were to back you up and remember to ask questions etc, but you would have been less distracted without a toddler. I do really hate when people treat appointments and A&E trips as family affairs. I see it all the time and I think that practices need to be firmer in not allowing it.

On balance, I think I will try my best not to take my toddler into an appointment again

Or if your toddler starts fussing then just get the adult to take her for a walk or entertain her.

I don’t know why no one thought that mum should take her out for a few minutes so you could actually hear what the doctor was saying, as surely that’s the obvious thing to do in that situation.

It’s hard being a single parent and often you’ll need to take the siblings too, so no one is judging you for that but because you had another adult there then they should have removed the child if they were playing up and let you and the doctor deal with what I assume is a poorly baby.

Are you one of these families who take the whole family to the supermarket on a Saturday too?

I kind of get it as dh came with me and dtds when one needed a brain scan but you sound totally disorganised that you needed to make up a bottle in the waiting room. For your own sanity, do prep beforehand and plan for dmum to take dc out of the appointment at the first disruptive moment.

As someone who spends a lot of time in outpatient clinics with ds one of the best things to come from the pandemic has been the limit on people coming to waiting rooms and stopping it becoming a family day out!