Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

Yabu, I don't understand why your mum and daughter had to be there in the room in the first place. You say to help you with asking questions etc but I don't really see how that's necessary - you're a mum of 2 and presumably an adult. Lots of people myself included manage without their mums so it does sound like you made the doctors life unnecessarily difficult. Having said that the doctor was quite rude so I suppose I can see it from your side too.

Don’t worry op, we live and learn. Was this the first time you were trying to juggle two young children at an appointment? The Dr probably will have forgotten all about it, if not today, then by next week, and you’ll know to leave the toddler at home or outside with your mum next time.
I had three under four and no help, so I had to often take the whole lot to appointments. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not, but we lived to tell the tale. It certainly means I go out of my way now to help women who look like they’re struggling, rather than calling them nightmares!
I don’t think you were rude and I don’t think the Dr was - it was just a stressful situation for all. It happens.

I mean there might have been sick people waiting it does all sound very chaotic.

I would have asked my mum to take toddler for a walk and I took baby in. You could have recorded it on your phone if you couldn't concentrate or taken a list of questions with you.

Sounds like everyone just got stressed and not sure your mum was really that helpful in the situation.

Hope your baby is OK

Your mum should have removed the toddler as soon as it started being disruptive in the appointment as it was probably distracting not only to you, but more importantly the dr. I'm not a dr, but I'd have been irritated in that situation.

In my experience of seeing private drs, incl paediatric ones, where I've forgotten to ask questions they've always been willing to answer a further query via their secretary when something has occurred to me after the event. Going forward if you can go in with notes/ queries and also take notes.

As others have said by your own description it sounds like the 4 of you were a lot and the practice wanted you to leave. Yes they deal with children, but where you're being disruptive to the running of their business and likely other appointments and customers they're not going to be very tolerant. Just because the appointment is being paid for, it doesn't mean patients have free reign to act as they please and be disruptive - I'm not saying that this is what you were doing. I'm speaking generally.

To be fair to the Doctor simple tasks like hearing your baby's heartbeat must have been impossible. Like everyone else I am a loss at why you had to bring the toddler and your mother with you. Also at a lost why you did not have prepared bottle/formula with you.
I am guessing the room that you were directed to was a store room or similar and the person who directed you assumed that your mom and toddler would wait outside or go to the car.

You mentioned that you have had to attend a number of doctor appointments. Your need to come up with a strategy for them. Whether is recording the conversation with the Doctor (with their consent). Writing a list of questions etc. Bring your toddler is not an option by the sounds of things. Given the Doctor's reaction I do wonder was your daughter behaviour more than what you think.

It was the first time ! Unusually I would take them in a double buggy to avoid such things, but couldn't here as there were stairs and no lift.

You do live and learn !

Honestly I would focus on whether you got the advise you need for the baby.
and next time leave toddler with mum at home.
I wouldn’t dwell on it beyond that - or call the doctor a xxx - presumably she was doing her job and she was probably annoyed that she was having to police all the distractions so she could get on with her job and examine baby and give advice.
medical appointments are stressful for people at the best of times - it sounds like you made it much more stressful than it needed to be

You don't say what you were there for, I hope your baby is OK.

Like many other people I'm confused by this room that is unsafe for toddlers?

It does sound very stressful and the Dr might have been at the end of her tether too. I have a very clingy/demanding toddler and in that situation I would have left her at home. it's hard enough trying to take a phone call with her around, I can only imagine the carnage she would cause at a doctors appointment that isn't about her.

Hope you are OK

It does sound quite chaotic, distracting for the dr and not really appropriate for a consulting room. I think your mum should have taken her outside and kept her occupied.

If it was reworded Am I surprised the Dr asked you to leave, I'd probably vote No I'm afraid. You seem surprised and unaware how it may have come across but I'd just say take it as a lesson learned and do things differently next time.

Look at it from another angle. If a mistake was made in diagnosis because of all the noise and distraction you'd be blaming the Dr for not saying something.

If you are very tired and struggling it might make sense for your DM to take toddler for a few days so you can recover a bit.
I think from your post you have lost sight of what a professional medical environment is like. Having 3 extra people in the room for the examination was not a good idea, nor was feeding the baby there after the appointment.
Having said that the paediatrican should have been more sympathetic given their specialism!

Your mum should have stayed with your toddler outside, or ideally at home.

You can write down your questions to make sure everything is answered.

It’s pretty unreasonable taking two adults and a toddler into a baby consultation, especially when you know your toddler is difficult right now.

You weren’t thinking of the doctor or NHS efficiency.

Surely you should have left your mom outside with the toddler while you went in with the baby. You'd have been able to take in what the doctor was saying more effectively without the toddler and your mother, even if you were tired. Or asked to record the conversation because of your state. But they should not have gone in with you; the whole point of taking your mother was to take charge of the toddler while you went in, no?!

Your mum really didn't need to go in with your toddler. You could have just wrote things down rather trying to than remember everything. Then remembering you forgot to say something when you leave.

You had another adult to look after the older child. Baby was the whole point of the appointment not an attention seeking toddler. So unless you had nobody to look after her she had no reason to be there and why would you go out without a bottle prepared?

I think the doctor was very patient with you!!

Unless you are vulnerable or under 16 you absolutely do not need your mum to go with you.
There we’re 4 of you which was completely unnecessary.

You spent more time faffing around with the toddler than actually hearing the diagnosis.

Instead of having ‘two sets of ears’ it would have been better if your mum took the toddler to the park so you could take the baby to the appointment and you could have actually listened to what was being said.

It sounds like an absolute nightmare and I don’t know why you didn’t ask your mum to take the toddler out of the room as soon as she started messing around.

Have you never met this doctor before?

in any event, my instinct is to think there is much more to this than presented here and I would love to hear the GP’s perspective on it

Your mother was”livid and thinks the doctor was a XXXX”

she sounds lovely.

i am guessing she caused a big scene when the GP asked them to leave (although highly doubt the GP did unless serious genuine concerns about other patients”) and I reckon called the poor GP a “XXXX” to their face

Sorry, OP, but I think you should have realised far, far sooner that your mother was incapable of advocating for you or listening out for anything that you might have missed, because absolutely everyone concerned was being distracted by your toddler. The writing was on the wall right from the beginning - your mother should have left the premises with the toddler in tow, not hung around helping you to lurch from one aggravating and unnecessary situation to another. I doubt anyone in that appointment was able to listen properly to anyone else.

Like many other people I'm confused by this room that is unsafe for toddlers?

Maybe they were in the wrong room.
Toddler running riot, hungry baby crying, two grown women clucking about like chickens unable to control the situation. And then possibly wandering into an empty consultation room or something amongst their own confusion. Sounds like a right circus.

You never get the answer you want in mumsnet. What’s wrong if it’s children both parents attend with both children, then again 4 people.
no one will say it’s wrong
its not only this Dr Surgery I find overdramtic, when toddlers throw tantrum shops home owners ask us to leave it’s like we are making noise like jet plane over our head.
I fed up “ oh you need to leave the place a lot of elderly people living here oh you need leave I need to go work tonight forgetting their dogs barks whole day

People keep saying your mum should have taken the toddler out etc - the doctor is a fully trained professional who shouldn't be losing her shit. She could have politely but assertively have asked your mother to take your dd for a walk as she needed to focus on you and the baby.

The receptionist was the one who sent you into an unsafe room so her irritation about that should have been directed at the employee who ignored health and safety not the patient who followed their directions.

Drs need to be able to deal with very stressed out mums, mothers with learning disabilities, mothers with mental health difficulties etc. They should be more than well equipped enough to deal with a situation as simple as this and if I paid for a private appointment and was treated this rudely I would complain. She felt comfortable enough to pronounce your dd needed a firmer hand in the consultation so it's not like she wasn't confident enough to have instead have suggested your mother take your dd out for a walk so that she and you could concentrate on the baby.

What’s wrong if it’s children both parents attend with both children, then again 4 people.

Yeah, that's not necessary either, especially if one is two, not the patient and won't be quiet in the appointment

The Gp will not have given a damn that the mother was accompanied with a toddler and her mother.

The GP will not have given a damn the toddler was making a noise

The GP will have given a DAMN if the mother and grandmother were swearing, and arguing and squawking at the toddler. All very loudly.

and I have an inkling, that was the scenario

*It was the first time ! Unusually I would take them in a double buggy to avoid such things, but couldn't here as there were stairs and no lift.

You do live and learn !*

Doesn't sound like an ideal building for a paediatrician to be based! No lift and a dangerous play area!

the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand

Totally inappropriate for her to say! Don't understand why you're not more pissed off about this, she's a doctor not a parenting consultant or psychologist, wasn't treating your older child anyway, and phrased this rudely.

Could your Mum not have just babysat toddler at home? Or sat in the waiting room with her?

You do sound like a really disruptive group to be honest. There would have been other stressed parents and children there waiting for news about who knows what conditions their children may have. Maybe try a different approach next time.