Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

A doctors office is not a place for toddlers unless they're the patient or have extremely good behaviour.

Once it became clear your toddler wasn't in the mood to sit quietly You had the perfect number of adults for your mum to take your toddler for a walk up and down the road outside or to any nearby green space. You could then have calmly attended the appt.

Instead you turned it into a bit of a 3 ring circus with too many people, too much noise and too much distraction.

Ok. I get you wanted your mum. But as a mother to two children you really need to manage thy yourself. You could have recorded the conversation between you and doctor re baby and listened back

Your mum needed to stay home with toddler.

You need to learn to take notes if you struggle with appointments (I do too so I know how it feels!)

Your DD sounds very loud which isn’t ideal in a practice. Your mum should have stayed home to look after her.

YABU because you ruined the peace for other patients who probably weren’t feeling great themselves.

It sounds like the medical team lost their patience with you all. But ultimately you need to be more independent with appointments and go alone in future.

Yes you could have left her at home with your mum

Totally rude to bring in two additional people
I'm sorry you're tired

But over kill over Kill

Also I don't understand how a room could be so dangerous 🤨 if your mum came to supervise she should have taken daughter off

sorry OP I replied before I read your responses so I seemed harsh - it is hard being tired and worried about your baby - I understand why you wanted support - but yes - next time no toddler!

I’m intrigued by this ‘dangerous’ room…
What was in there?

I'm extremely independent. This was a one off. I would have maybe had to go alone with toddler and baby. And then what ? At least my mum could come.

But yes, I get everyone's point.

This

It does all sound chaotic. It would have been better if your mum could have looked after your older child elsewhere so that you and the paediatrician could have focused on the baby. Was her advice / treatment useful? I’d try to focus on that now.

I have nothing to add to what everyone else has said but I need to know what was so unsafe about this room?!

Weird. Why is their play room so obviously unsafe for a supervised toddler? Why is the doctor popping in and out policing the waiting room rather than seeing the next patient?

It kind of sounds like they just wanted you to leave!

Their facilities leave something to be desired if a parent has nowhere to feed a baby while also looking after a toddler.

You sound hardwork and completely lack any respect for the surgery and those that might have been received devastating news. It would have been common sense to get your dm to remove the child our of the room or even not bring her.

Next time write down your questions in advance and take a pen to write down answers if you think you might forget them / get muddled.

With Covid restrictions still in place in most medical settings I’m surprised they let four people into one office in the first place.

So the doc wasn't very good but why in the world you brought your mother and toddler who you admit is difficult? She was always going to be a distraction defeating the purpose of an extra pair of ears to help.
If you needed another adult you needed another adult, not a disruptive kid. Could your partner not go? Another friend?

I've had to take toddlers in to appointments with me before. I have their favourite tv programme loaded up on my phone and put it on quietly. Or if they won't like that, their favourite toy, or a snack they can't talk through. With an extra adult, the child shouldn't have even been in the room, let alone allowed to dominate things.

I'm curious as to what room with toys was so unsuitable for a toddler that you and the doctor immediately throughout you needed to leave.

You also contradict yourself when you say that you went into the room with the toys so you could feed your baby whilst the toddler played, but when confronted with the doctor you were always going to leave at soon as you made up the bottle?

I’m a GP and also mum to a difficult toddler, so can see both sides. I completely understand the lack of child care situation, I’m a single parent with no family support, but you did have someone who could have stayed at home with the toddler - your mum. I honestly don’t think I could keep my toddler quiet during an appointment either, she’s just that type of child/ non stop. But equally as a doctor I’ve had many consultations with mums who have brought their children along and it’s always really difficult as to be honest the mother can’t concentrate on what I’m saying. You can see they are really distracted and not taking much on board. Which I totally get, but it would probably have been easier all round of you’d just left toddler at home with mum.

What was your mother doing? Why couldn’t she control one toddler and step out of the room with them when they were being too loud?

If your mum was free to come she was also free to stay at home with the toddler or walk her up and down the road. I've literally just done this this morning for a paediatric consultant appointment. DH took DS into the hospital car park so he could be noisy and play Hot Wheels until we got called in as they were an hour late.

You sound like a bit of a nightmare. Firstly why/how was the room unsafe for your toddler? Secondly there was absolutely no reason for you all to go in. I'm surprised the Drs let you all in, ours still have strict COVID restrictions. Your mother should have stayed outside with the toddler.

In response, Dr was a bit rude at the end but I think the rest was frustration.

It would have been much better to leave the toddler at home with your mum. Then you could have listened properly and not needed “another pair of ears”

Does sound on the face of it as though they spoke to you a bit rudely in the end though

Yes

and needing your mum there...what is the need? Unless there's a massive drip feed coming.

However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes?

For sure, but what I wouldn't understand is why you A) took the daughter in when there was another adult available to look after them, and B) why the adult didn't take the DD out when she was being loud throughout the appointment and AGAIN when she was having a tantrum inside the practice?

Honestly it's just standard behaviour to me that if you're indoors somewhere and a young child is having a tantrum / meltdown you take them outside if it's possible to do so (i.e two adults!) and if not you better be trying your damn hardest with books / activities / quiet talking games like I Spy to stop it quickly. SEN aside I think it's pretty universal unreasonable behaviour to let your child have a tantrum somewhere other people can't leave.

This goes for restaurants, cinemas, cafes etc but ESPECIALLY a paediatrics doctors surgery. I mean honestly can you imagine the stress and worry some other parents might be going through with what could be extremely sick children, how much information they're trying to keep in their heads etc and you have another family standing around with a screaming child because the adult refuses to take them outside? In future you really need to think about this stuff.

In the nicest possible way I would also think about what the doctor said tbh as I suspect they didn't say it lightly...

Surely you're both more likely to forget to ask questions if your daughter is distracting everyone than it would be if your mother waited outside with her.