Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

Because quite simply - would not have been the case

If you’re an adult why on earth do you need your mother with you at doctors appointments?

well you are right, it was a learning exercise!!

you definitely should have left the toddler outside with your mother. Listening to a child crying makes some people feel sick, you might be used to it but you were in a workplace and there were other people there, maybe even with sick children, too that would find that noise stressful.

Im glad you have taken the replies on board, we are all learning every day. All the best.

I have to disagree with most of the posters here. It sounds like it was tricky and less than ideal for the doctor but Not unreasonable for OP to need the support of another adult when attending the appointment. Paediatricians are supposed to be able to deal with adult parents/caregivers and sometimes people need accommodations at appointments and in public places. (Many new mothers struggle enormously and healthcare workers who deal with them should be capable of being kind and flexible with them). Maybe OP should have explained at the outset that she felt she needed mum there to support her but asking her to leave and making her feel lesser because it was difficult to manage baby and the toddler at the same time does not show great practice from someone whose job it is to treat babies and children.

Wow! Lot of PPs making harsh comments here. A lot of people with babies also have toddlers and the doctor should be used to that. I think it is perfectly reasonable to take another adult to a medical appointment when it is a difficult or serious matter. I have often done the same for my own appointments. It is useful to have another set of ears.

Totally agree.

Honestly people on MN are weirdly deferential toward doctors. That's the only reason OP is getting a hard time even though the doctor was clearly unprofessional.

Ohthatsexciting

Why not?

the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand

no one actually believes the GP said this do they?

There was literally no one else there during our time there.

She was a paediatrician and she definitely said that to me !

Your mum is upset because she’s being criticised as she’s the one who should really should have taken the toddler outside if they were throwing a tantrums theres 2 adults and 2 children, one adult should be ready to remove a disruptive toddler

She would have been faced with other children, toddlers and extended family present multiple of times…. Every day.

i suspect you and your mother were bickering, squawking at the toddler and given your mother thinks the doc is a XXXX, I suspect swearing too

Oh my goodness ! Why would we be swearing ?

We literally did our best to get out of there as quickly as we could. No one shouted or swore. My toddler cried for 2-3 minutes.

@Ohthatsexciting you've got it completely wrong. We didn't do any of those things. Just tried to distract the toddler. We didn't shout or swear.

Because they’re a paediatrician.
if they can’t work with dc they’re in the wrong job.

I do agree that the doctor was unnecessarily rude, btw, although her rudeness was definitely not unprovoked. She should not have made the comment about the toddler needing a firmer hand. However, there is no justification for the grandmother to hang around in the clinic after the appointment has finished with an aggravating toddler who never needed to be there in the first place - that really was taking the piss.

I absolutely agree.

Presumably OP was at an appointment because she's worried about her baby and needed support herself. I'm sure OP is also tired due to stress, worry, 2 young exhausting children.

I think a mum and Dad going in with their baby and toddler sounds perfectly reasonable. This is a private appointment which would come at great expense for most people - makes sense you would want to have support there to listen and take note of various recommendations or next steps.

Doctor was bloody rude to say her older child needed a firm hand
Rude to recommend a room
Bloody rude to demand everyone left when the Mum was making a bottle of milk for a baby.

For many of us who've had children and lots of experience it's easier to see in hindsight how you could have handled it better - but being in the fog of all this you muddled through and I believe you were treated badly by someone you paid to help you.

Hide this thread and think no more about it, it's happened. Don't go back there again. Find a kind doctor who will understand your concerns and help you. Next appointments you can think through support for your toddler a bit more and plan it out

Well you’re hardly likely to say otherwise are you.

on the basis I don’t know you from Adam
but the facts are that we are taking about a paediatrician combined with your mother being “livid and thinking the doc is a XXXX” makes me think the scenario may have been somewhat different in reality

They’re normally working with the child they’re examining. Not the one running riot when a perfectly capable adult could have removed them.

Yes!

Should have taken the toddler out of the appointment & then again when Op was making up a feed!

I disagree. As some posters have pointed out there was no real benefit in having the Grandmother present. She was unable to control the situation when the toddler was crying, making noise. What was the point of her sitting there, the Op being distracted and stressed out, on top of trying to listen to the doctor, who by this time would not be unfair in thinking why is the Grandmother not just taking the child out of the room. I know I would be thinking that. I would also be interested to hear the doctor's version of events.

@wasthisdoctorrude OP, ignore the virtuous mothers on here who would never take a toddler into an appt.
You went to see a paediatrician, she deals with screaming, upset dc everyday. If you were a single mum you would have had to take both dc.

She was a grumpy, bossy doctor.
I’ve dealt with many situations where dc have acted up, I was always unfailingly polite even if privately I thought the parents weren’t dealing with the dc how they should.
You have every sympathy from me.
My toddler dd once pulled the gp’s stethoscope off him and kicked him in the stomach.
I was a firm parent but dd was a tricky toddler.
My gp was really kind.

I think @FatEaredFuck has it right - yes, Mum and Grandma could and should have handled the situation differently, but it is far easier to be clear eyed in hindsight than when feeling tired, stressed and flustered. And the doctor was rude and unprofessional - she was probably also stressed and flustered, tbh! @wasthisdoctorrude sounds lovely - she and her mum just misjudged how the appointment would go. Lesson learned.

Very rude doctor. No excuse.

Hopefully you have learnt that it defeats the purpose to have another adult in the room if it means a toddler must also be there causing havoc. Some of the children attending that day may have been seriously unwell with fragile parents. It was probably more than flesh and blood could stand to see a vigorous toddler being allowed to cause mayhem when an adult was available to remove them.