Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

I'm a GP. Yes I'm good with kids. I'll go out of my way to engage and settle a child and I'll take time to do this. I will of course do this with children who aren't the patient as well and I don't resent at all if the single mother has to bring her troop of 7 kids to the appointment. However...

1. Please understand that an unruly child makes the appointment really difficult, sometimes virtually impossible. It's beyond distracting and I can't possibly concentrate fully on taking a history about a child or examining them if they or another child are screaming so loudly I can't think or worse are climbing on medical bins or playing with dangerous medical equipment (yes it happens a lot more than you'd think)

2. Taking 1 into acount it really does grind a bit when there's a sibling in the consultation if it's obvious they could have just been kept away like in this case

3. Believe it or not it's actually quite intimidating being a doctor. Being outnumbered 4:1 is quite overhelming especially in a small consultation room.

For these reasons I strongly advise people to leave siblings elsewhere where they possibly can and if you know a child is unruly to at least have them in a buggy or something for the 10 minute consultation so that they're safe and out of focus. It's my job to know how to handle kids yes but it absolutely isn't my job to teach you or your child basic safety or boundaries or enforce those boundaries. You should be doing that yourself as the parent.

Next time OP I promise you will get more out of the appointment just taking baby if it's possible if you need mum's input then perhaps let her help you write down your concerns/questions before you go in rather than all going x

The intention seems to have been to get a medical opinion on your baby but they almost seem forgotten about in this whole drama. You were unreasonable for bringing so many people into a consultation.

Can I ask how you were allowed in the clinic? In my area no one but the patient is allowed in the clinic/hospital/surgery or if with a child only one parent with them. Unfortunately as a family we have had several serious medical issues lately and it has been so difficult to attend alone. However, those are the firm rules so we have to abide by them.This has been the same way since the beginning of covid and they are all medical establishments are very strict about this. Are you in an area/country where covid isn't a problem?

Both parents were allowed in to see my son's consultant in our community hospital yesterday as long as we wore their surgical masks. Same on the children's ward but only during the day. It does vary from area to area at the moment.

your not a wheelchair user are you? most of England is not accessable.

New builds are suppose to be but most building are exempted due to 'historic status', its a MASSIVE pita trying to organise anything for my wheelchair friends and family because virtually nothing round here is accessable.

With all die respect, if your Mum was wrestling a loud unsettled and dis-regulated toddler she wouldn’t exactly be in a position to be engaged with the appointment or ask relevant and useful questions would she?

Dr wasn’t rude you were