Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

Sorry to hear.you have had to see several doctors about your baby . Is the baby ok? I noticed noone bothered to ask this question and just started having a go at you ! You live and you learn as you say. I don't know where people are getting you swore and shouted? Lol this place is a funny old place sometimes. And you had said in your OP you wanted your mum there as a second pair of ears but you weren't to know your toddler would kick off but once she did I would have taken her out of the room. And no not a GP it's a paediatrician learn to read the bloody posts! Jeez

Thanks ! It is what it is! A combination of factors I think.

We really were trying our best to keep it all under control. My mum should have taken toddler onto the street, rather than waiting near the door for me to finish making the bottle. But it really was quick.

My mum didn't like doctor through the entire appointment and that's probably also clouding her judgement.

I feel a bit upset at how unkind some of these responses are to be honest. Inferring we were swearing and running around like headless chickens. We really were doing our very best to be polite and calm and handle the situation well.

On balance, I think I will try my best not to take my toddler into an appointment again, unless she's strapped into her buggy. However like I said, that was not possible in this place.

As for taking an adult, I don't think it's that unusual to need some support sometimes. For a start you don't even know what this was about etc.

In any case, peace and love guys !

I know how upsetting an abrasive professional can be, but sorry OP - there’s no way my toddler would have been with me. I’d have forked out for childcare/a babysitter if I really needed my mum with me that much.

Sorry I am with the Dr. Your mother should have had the toddler whilst you took the baby in . You have been inconsiderate all around.

Doctor seems rude. Next time, leave your money somewhere else.

The doctor was incredibly rude.

I work with families and yes it is annoying when the whole family turns up for an appointment but I would still treat my clients professionally.

Saying a toddler needs a firmer hand is so inappropriate.

Why on earth take a toddler to a consultation? Your mum could have taken her to the park. If she was there to ask questions well, she hardly could've done that anyway having to keep a toddler under control. Learn the lesson, go alone with baby, nice peaceful atmosphere and you can have a list of questions beforehand with you.

Mumsnet users really love sticking the boot in! OP, made an error in judgement by taking her mum and toddler rather than having her mum babysit and she accepted that in one of her first few replies but posters are still piling on to tell her what a PITA she is.

Loads of replies mentioning other families in the practice who will be under so much stress due to having ill children seem to be forgetting that OP is under that same stress. Are you all so perfect that you haven't made a duff decision in times of stress/upset/exhaustion?

OP, regardless of whether or not you should have had DD or your mum there - the doctor was rude and unproffessional. I work in admin in the NHS (patient facing) and if I spoke aggressively towards a patient or made a cheeky comment about their parenting style I'd be hauled into my managers office and disciplined, rightly so. So why is it OK for doctors?

You'll know for next time it's more helpful to go to appointments yourself with a notebook if it means your mum can watch DD - you live and you learn. Write this one off as a bad day and forget about it. Hope everything is okay with your baby.

A private pediatrician's office should have the capability to be a welcoming and safe space for families to come and have a consultation. A pediatrician should also understand that toddlers come in a whole host of shapes and personalities and unless her opinion was requested on behaviour, she should have kept it to herself. There should be an area that is safe for a toddler to play while waiting.

In your own words, your toddler was interrupting and therefore making the appointment difficult. So some of this could be avoided with careful planning and prearrangement with the toddler... snacks, ipad, instructions to remain quiet.

I think your doctor was rude and that your toddler did disrupt the appointment.

I understand how difficult it is to look after 2 children and drag them in and out of appintments and to want an extra adult there. Are you a single parent? If not.. next time get your partner to come (as it sounds serious and important) and ask your Mum to look after the toddler. Most toddlers can learn to sit patiently when it's important.

Agree with another poster. Write out a list of questions, for the doctor. Leave the toddler with your mum at the cafe, while you see the doctor.

I think the doctor was abrupt with you because he was likely annoyed that noone could concentrate on what was being said at an important appointment. You actually had childcare, but decided to bring everybody into the room all at once, when at this time, you should have been concentrating on your baby.

The doctor was rude. But they possibly thought that one of you should have removed the noisy toddler from the room so that everyone could concentrate.

No she doesn't, she sounds like a spot on mum and a really lovely person.

OP, your daughter is obvs very intelligent. She needs stuff to occupy her so you get a little time between what is to her chatting and observing - in this example. I don't know what she likes, whether you've started to teach her to read yet etc, but you def need to find something for her to do.

The doctor - wtf, a paediatrician no less - was an AH. How come she didn't engage your daughter once? I am shocked by how many people end up in jobs they're not cut out for!

I would def give the practice feedback. You should never have been shown into a room that was dangerous for a toddler - they need to sortthat out because had they been more child friendly, non of what you experienced would have happened.

Sending a hug too 🤗

I think the doctor was rude O.P and I'm genuinely surprised at all the comments blaming you. Toddlers are blooming hardwork especially being an exhausted mum with a new born. You also wanted your mum in there to listen to what the doctor was saying, that is often a good idea especially for a tired mum!
I'm surprised the doctor, particularly a paedatrician wasn't more used to those situations and certainly more understanding.
People in life really just need to be a bit kinder to each other. It sounds stressful for all involved but her being rude just wasn't necessary. I truly hope you ignore the negative comments on here!

This no need for the toddler at all.

So much unpleasantness on MN this afternoon.

I hope your baby is OK @wasthisdoctorrude.

YABU - if ever there was a thread I’d like to hear the other side of, it’s this one.

On balance, I think I will try my best not to take my toddler into an appointment again, unless she's strapped into her buggy. However like I said, that was not possible in this place.

On a separate note, they surely should have disabled and wheelchair access, so a lift, which could then also be used for a buggy. I mean it’s a paediatricians - surely they have children and even parents in wheelchairs and children in prams all the time? If they don’t that’s certainly something that needs addressing.

🤣How on earth can you conclude that op dd is very intelligent. What a load of BS.

Ok so in hindsight you know bringing the toddler in was an error of judgement but god knows we all make those sometimes!
As the professional in the room, if the doctor was unable to concentrate with your DD playing up she could have politely asked if our mum could take her out for a bit. It’s up to the GP to take (polite) control of the situation. I actually would make a complaint if I was you. You’ve paid for a service and had to endure personal comments and being embarrassed in public. A single error of judgement on your behalf yes but the GP is the one running the show here and needs reassess her manner when talking to stressed parents in a medical setting. She’s literally a paediatrician.

4 people in a consulting room is too much!

You did say your mum was there to support and help?! Why didn’t she occupy / district / your toddler or take them outside?

Maybe plan your appointments better and take snacks or toys to keep your toddler entertained (away from the consulting room!) and then you would be able to ask questions and understand more of what the doctor is saying, if you are in the room alone with your baby.

The one most obvious at fault is your mother. If your daughter was being loud and difficult and you were endlessly shushing her as you described, your mum should have scooped her up immediately and left.

How can your baby be examined and you discuss things with the doctor with a ‘challenging’ toddler kicking off?

Not taking a bottle ready was another rookie error, and I’m not surprised the practice were anxious to move you on is your daughter was screaming because her grandmother took her out of the room.

You are tired and worried, your doctor was trying to do her job L, and your daughter has the excuse of her age. Can’t see what excuse your mother has for being neither use nor ornament in that situation.

No wonder she’s being defensive.

I hope the appointment was useful and you have what you need for your baby’s health.

@wasthisdoctorrude

I'm going to say yes the doctor was rude. She was unprofessional and judgemental.

I'm not a fan of screens for little ones, but Peppa pig on your phone is your friend in situations like this. It's over, you've learnt from it, you'll handle it differently next time. All anyone can do

I think if your mum had taken care of your toddler instead of being there at the appointment you’d have had a better chance of taking in what the Dr said. It does sound like it was absolute chaos from start to finish and if I was the professional trying to impart vital information to you I would have been frustrated. I wouldn’t have spoken to you like that though, that’s not appropriate but I see why the doctor was frustrated. Absolutely wouldn’t have said anything about a firm hand etc, I think there were mistakes on both sides though and it just descended into a bit of a nightmare!